


Tomorrow, Together

by nagireo (happyclover)



Category: Blue Lock (Manga)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Chigiri has the Tea™, Explicit Sexual Content, Fluff and Angst, Jinpachi Ego is a Liar and People Play J1 Football, M/M, Mostly Post-Canon, Slow Burn, Underage Drinking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-28
Updated: 2020-12-20
Packaged: 2021-03-10 05:27:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 69,234
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27748978
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/happyclover/pseuds/nagireo
Summary: Blue Lock was a place that contorted players, stretching them into positions they could never imagine. Sometimes, the stretching resulted in tears, like in the way that Reo now looked at Nagi with darkened eyes or how he had said,'the two of us are rivals now.'But after this strenuous process, there would be time for those wounds to heal and for things to go back to normal. Or so Nagi hoped.
Relationships: Mikage Reo/Seishirou Nagi
Comments: 56
Kudos: 30





	1. Chapter 1

Nagi’s mother would have cried if she had seen him at school.

Well, perhaps _cry_ wasn’t the right word— ‘light her eyes with a fury of a thousand suns and unleash her devilish tongue to scold the skin off Nagi’s back’ would be more accurate. He already knew the lecture that he might receive from her: _You’re lucky to be a student at such an elite high school. How can you waste this opportunity and make us look bad? You need to behave properly, be respectful to your teachers, and get along with your peers. Don’t make any trouble for us._

The thing was, all that was tiresome. During lectures, his ears itched from absolute boredom, and at all other times, the other students ignored him— among students who were children of politicians and businessmen, nobody cared for the son of a dentist and teacher. His lazy smarts allowed him to slip into this environment through a scholarship, but once he finally became a part of the school, it was like he had turned completely invisible; no one ever _saw_ him. 

It was like this— the way that the teacher’s eyes passed over Nagi’s mop of white hair; the way that students talked around him as if he were an obstacle; the droning monotonous voice at the front of the classroom dictating so much useless information... in this condition, who wouldn’t skip class and play video games? If his grades didn’t suffer from playing hooky, and neither the teachers nor the other students cared about his absence in the classroom, he figured it was fine.

On the day that Nagi met Reo Mikage, Nagi had been working through a Pokémon game, concentrating on picking the perfect lineup to defeat the next gym leader. The school bell rang, jolting him out of his contemplation, but he remained seated on the steps, considering the benefits to adding an Arcanine to his squad. 

While deep in thought, something forcefully knocked into him from behind, and unexpectedly, he could feel the slick, plastic console slip from his fingers. From then, things moved in slow motion: the DS flew into the air, fear kicked into his stomach as he realized all the progress he made in the last hour might be lost, and he instinctively launched himself from the stairs as someone called out behind him.

It didn’t happen often, this compulsion to _move_ , but when it did, every sensation in Nagi’s body heightened, and he felt like both a puppet and a puppet-master, as if he were the exacting conductor of an orchestra of his own limbs. He could perfectly picture himself moving; the angle of his right foot as he landed, his arms outstretched to balance his flight, and his left leg extended in the air, falling right between the console and where it might land on the ground. He could picture the console lightly hitting his shin and his hand reaching out, snatching the DS on the rebound. There would be no wasted movement. Everything would happen exactly as he imagined it.

And then time sped up: Nagi jumped, and the console hit his leg, and he grabbed it on the rebound. No wasted movement. Exactly as imagined.

Except, suddenly, something _did_ happen outside of Nagi’s expectation— someone grabbed his shoulder and wrenched him towards them (this time, Nagi kept a tight grip on his DS). For a moment, all Nagi could focus on was a pair of stunningly clear eyes the color of morning glories; a deep, rich purple that seemed to whisper about secrets at midnight. On second glance, Nagi recognized his classmate— the most esteemed student in the entire school, Reo Mikage.

The difference between the two of them was stark: Nagi had a mussed hair of bedhead and Reo’s was perfectly parted and styled (probably by some poor manservant at his mansion). Nagi wore a slouchy black hoodie underneath his uniform, and Reo had a neatly pressed shirt with a perfectly knotted tie. Nagi was aware that several girls liked to linger over his face (even with his droopy eyes, he was blessed with good genes), but Reo _really_ cut a striking figure that would draw anyone’s attention— especially with those deep violet eyes.

However, Reo’s looks did not curb the flare of annoyance that Nagi felt at being turned so forcibly (really, it wasn’t like he was the steering wheel of a car Reo was trying to drift), but upon seeing Reo, he thought it’d be better to just ignore the other student. Reo had too illustrious a lineage for an unknown student like him to try and make enemies with him. 

Just as Nagi turned to leave, Reo said, “Play football with me.”

◇-◈-◇

Nagi rejected Reo the first time he asked and many times afterwards. Football didn’t seem to be a sport that suited Nagi; players spent the whole match running around, and Nagi would much prefer being a sack of potatoes on his bed, whittling away his time playing useless games on his phone. Maybe if Reo had chosen something less effortful, like bowling, he would’ve said yes (although this was doubtful, too). 

Furthermore, pretty much every student in this school had an overwhelming presence, and Reo, beyond all others, was the king of overwhelming presences. He was probably worth a few billion yen, had been inculcated into the cult of domination through business, and everywhere he went, people flocked to him. It was hard not to notice Reo: not only was he in the top of the class, he also was in the student council (on track to be president), and he participated in sports. In short, it seemed like Reo was an exhausting person to be around, and Nagi would rather continue his quiet life of skipping classes to play games.

Reo was persistent, though. After the first rejection, Reo figured out which class Nagi had (later, he told Nagi that it was one of the perks of being on student council) and he would head over to Nagi’s desk to regale him with tales of legendary football players or provide commentary on recent matches. Nagi mostly ignored him in favor of playing games, but soon, other people started congregating at his desk during lunch, attracted to Reo like moths to a flame. Sometimes, Nagi could feel the seething jealousy emanating ominously from the other students: they probably wished that they could capture Reo’s interest as easily as Nagi had. 

Whatever. It’s not like Nagi had asked for it.

This newfound activity at his desk drained him, so he started changing his lunch locations to catch a break from the mob. Reo responded to this evasiveness by trying to find Nagi at the end of the day, offering Nagi rides home in his family’s flashy Mercedes-Benz (driven by a well-trimmed chauffeur, of course). His mother might beat him to death if she found out he had dirtied such a vehicle with his mere presence, so he always declined. 

Then, Reo tried to find him in the morning before class to try and pepper in persuasive arguments about pursuing football, so Nagi started coming in a little late every day since he figured that the model student couldn’t afford to miss even a minute of class time. Truthfully, it was annoying to have to adjust his schedule just to avoid Reo, and it pushed Nagi further away from football. There was something kind of delightful in being able to reject the top student of the grade so often (though the annoyance didn’t outweigh this specific pleasure).

Ever since the incident of almost breaking his DS, Nagi had been reluctant to sit in the stairwell, so he found a new hiding spot on top of the school’s roof. He enjoyed playing hooky here: the roof was a place of respite against the onslaught of Reo’s football or crowding from his constant companions. Besides, being outside was nice. Sometimes a slight breeze would stir his hair, or the sun would cast a warm touch on his face.

It was also a nice place to have lunch. Nagi found himself escaping his desk more and more as Reo plus his annoying posse kept hovering around him, as he did on this day. As Nagi settled into a spot and opened the bento his mom made for him that morning, he heard the door to the roof open, and a sharp stab of disappointment filled his mouth with bitterness. _Another ruined spot_ , he thought. He didn’t bother turning his head to see who interrupted his lunch. Only one person actively sought him out at this wretched school.

“Nagi-san,” Reo called out, but Nagi pointedly ignored him and instead shoved a piece of omelette into his mouth. Reo hovered hesitantly, obviously trying to decide if it was appropriate for him to sit beside Nagi (it wasn’t, and Nagi certainly wasn’t going to invite him). After a few seconds of silence, Reo tried again. Nagi did have to admit, even though it was annoying as fuck, Reo deserved credit for his dogged persistence.

“Umm… Nagi-san?”

“What is it?” Nagi snapped. Reo seemed taken aback by Nagi’s new harshness. Now that there weren’t any people around them, Nagi figured he could be sharper with his words. If there were any witnesses, they would surely spread rumors about how the scholarship student was a bully and deserved to be expelled. His own mom might faint upon hearing the story of Nagi mistreating the heir to the Mikage corporation. That being said, it was just the two of them now. If being mean could finally get Reo to leave him alone, it’d be worth it. 

“Erm… can I sit next to you?” Reo asked. Nagi huffed and didn’t answer, and contrary to Nagi’s wishes, Reo took his silence as an affirmation, and he seated himself next to Nagi. He pulled out his own bento from a bag.

An awkward silence settled between them, and Nagi contemplated getting up and leaving, but if he returned to his desk, there would probably be some pesky student waiting for Reo. There truly was no peace in Nagi’s world, and the source of all his frustrations was sitting next to him.

Reo said, “I won’t come visit you here again.” Surprised, Nagi turned to face the other boy. Reo was smiling apologetically. “You looked disappointed when I found you up here. I don’t want to take a precious place away from you, so I’ll stay away from now on.”

Nagi’s heart breathed a little sigh of relief, but he didn’t bother thanking Reo. It was his fault in the first place that Nagi even had to find quiet corners within the school. As if reading his mind, Reo continued, “I’m sorry for all the trouble I caused you these past few weeks. I’ll stop that, too.” With renewed surprise, Nagi found himself staring at the other boy. “It must have been a big bother.” Nagi couldn’t exactly disagree with that. 

Another awkward silence stifled the air. Reo started to get up, but then, something jumped in Nagi’s throat. It was almost compulsive, in the same way Nagi sometimes just _moved_ , and he couldn’t stop the question from escaping.

“Why do you want to play football so much?”

Reo’s gaze connected with Nagi, and once again, he was struck by the stunning clearness in his eyes. A shiver ran down his back.

“I’m going to be the best football player in the world.” 

Not _I want to be the best_ , but _I’m going to be the best_. Not a wish, but a fact. Reo’s eyes confirmed it; he was looking past Nagi at another concrete object ahead: the future that Reo so clearly ascertained for himself. His words were spoken with a conviction that made Nagi shudder. 

Then, Reo’s gaze shifted to look at Nagi in a way that no one else had ever done before. The force of it rivaled the power that Reo had used that very first time they had met, when Reo wrenched Nagi’s shoulder to demand Nagi to play football with him. Nagi felt both very large and very small under Reo’s clear gaze. 

Reo said, “We can be the greatest football players in the world.”

It was an invitation; the last invitation that Nagi would receive from Reo. His heart thudded like someone striking a consistent beat on a low drum, and the pressure of Reo’s clear gaze gave him a slight chill. In a moment, he understood why so many students were captivated by Reo and wished for the other boy’s attention. Anyone framed in Reo’s sight was suddenly made important, and it was an intoxicating sensation.

Nagi thought about his quiet high school life, playing games on the roof, skipping class, ignoring the other students. And in a moment, he considered the rest of his life. How unobtrusive it would be. How quiet it would be.

How boring it would be. 

Just like that moment on the staircase, Nagi felt hyper aware of his body. He could feel the slight breeze carrying the scent of leaves brush against his cheeks, and he could feel the sun’s rays nestling into his hair. He could feel Reo’s intense gaze bearing down on him, waiting for an answer, and his own lips parting, his vocal cords vibrating, and the exactitude behind every syllable that left his mouth in this moment.

“I’ll play football with you.”

Reo’s responding smile felt as warm as the sun in that moment.

◇-◈-◇

At the time, Nagi didn’t understand what agreeing to play football with Reo exactly entailed. As soon as Nagi accepted, Reo tackled him, wrapping his arms around Nagi somewhat forcefully. Out of the corner of his eye, Nagi watched half the contents of his bento fly out and land on the roof, and Nagi immediately regretted this new association. 

“Oh shit, sorry,” Reo said as he noticed the food strewn in front of him. He offered his bento in exchange, and Nagi ate it with a bit of a pout. It was a more than fair trade; Nagi supposed that being the only heir to the Mikage corporation necessitated extravagant lunches every day (The first time Reo sat next to Nagi, Nagi had secretly wanted to ask for a bite of his food— it was some stroke of luck that he could finally eat it). 

Reo launched into explaining how to organize a new football team and then abruptly switched to talking about the Japanese tournament season. Nagi only half-listened; he was trying to recall the last time someone had hugged him as fiercely as Reo just did. Even though Reo had already released his hold, Nagi’s arms still itched from the sensation. 

“Nagi-san, give me your hand.” Reo looked abundantly expectant. It was a weird request, but Nagi was already being pulled at Reo’s pace for today, so it wouldn’t hurt, right? Nagi held his hand open, and Reo rummaged into his pocket for a moment before finding something. Reo held the mystery object tightly in his own fist, not letting Nagi peek at it, and he transferred it to Nagi’s hand, forcefully closing Nagi’s hand as soon as the swap was made. It was a little theatric; Nagi immediately opened his hand to find a piece of strawberry milk candy.

Reo grinned brightly. “A reward for you.”

From then on, Reo sought out Nagi even more than he had before. If Reo wasn’t as involved in school life, it would have been overwhelming. Reo would text Nagi football clips often, give tactics commentary on games that happened during the week, and often invite Nagi out to football games (successfully luring him with the promise of food). It was a novelty, to be invited out with a classmate. Nagi learned that he didn’t mind it. This was in addition to practice with the make-shift team that Reo had cobbled together within a week. (It seemed that a lot of students wanted to participate, probably to get closer to Reo). Reo moved at the pace of a whirlwind, upsetting the daily slowness that Nagi liked to luxuriate in. Somehow, Nagi didn’t mind it. 

Reo talked a lot, but he always seemed animated about it. Nagi couldn’t say that Reo was a naturally sunny person (in fact, he seemed incredibly serious when it came to the student council, the Mikage Corporation, or his grades), but he continuously graced Nagi with enthusiastic grins (or sometimes, soft smiles that would have Nagi do a double-take). Nagi, for the most part, liked his new company.

With Reo’s sudden interest in Nagi came resentful peers; dagger-like stares or envious glances stabbed into his back when Reo decided to hang out with Nagi. Twice, students confronted him, asking what he, the son of a dentist, could have possibly done to reel in Reo (insinuating an absurd, seductive affair between them). Nagi just shrugged it off and told them about the football team. 

It wasn’t a particularly satisfying answer, and later that day, Nagi found himself cornered by a trio of students in the middle of the hallway. Other students gave a curious glance at the conflict, but at realizing it was Nagi being threatened, they scattered away. Nagi felt some bitterness in his mouth. If he had been more important, someone would have fetched a teacher by now or called out the bullies— but having Nagi’s favor meant nothing in the school. No one would be willing to help him out. 

One of the trio gave a light shove to Nagi, making him stumble into the wall. Nagi was about to retaliate (in what way? He had never gotten in a fight before, but his hand was already balling into a fist), but then Reo was suddenly there, grabbing his assailant’s arm with a grip that would bruise. 

Everyone seemed to stop at Reo’s commanding presence. “Don’t touch him,” Reo said icily. “He’s a treasure that I found.” 

The atmosphere froze from Reo’s intensity, and every second passed heavily with the other student increasingly shrinking away in fear. Before the situation felt too overwhelming, Reo smiled, and instantly, it was easy to breathe again. Reo released the other student’s arm, and it limply fell to their side. With a cheery expression, Reo said, “Why don’t you join our football team? If you’re good, I’ll be interested in you, too.”

After that, Reo gently pulled on Nagi’s arm to lead him away on the scene, chattering as he always did about football. His grip was so light that Nagi wondered if he had imagined the bruising strength that Reo had displayed just a minute ago. He also wondered if he had imagined Reo calling him a treasure.

◇-◈-◇

Even though Nagi didn’t mean to listen to Reo’s incessant talk about football, he did seem to absorb some things: he now knew about Japanese professional teams (he had taken a liking to the Urawa Reds in spite of the constant hatred against them), and when watching a game, he could discern obvious mistakes players made; a bad trap, a misplaced pass. Still, he couldn’t understand the enthusiasm that Reo always held for football. 

When Reo dragged Nagi out to the stadiums, sometimes, Reo would launch out of his seat, cheering at a goal, later recounting the moment with shining eyes (talking as if Nagi hadn’t been sitting right next to him). During their own games, Reo would pull out a whiteboard in the locker room, marking positions on the board and drawing arrows everywhere to dive into a deep discussion about possible tactics against their opposing team. Nagi liked seeing his new friend be so passionate, but he couldn’t understand it. And it wasn’t that Nagi was disinterested in football— he thought it was enjoyable, but in the same way playing games was enjoyable. Just another thing that could pass away the time.

One day during lunch, Reo was showing Nagi a match and was providing commentary on one of the rookie players on the team (his name was something like Sei… or Sae?). Like usual, Nagi was half-tuning him out while picking over his share of Reo’s bento (On the day that the other boy spilled Nagi’s bento, Reo noticed how much Nagi enjoyed his luxurious food. From then on, Reo had instructed the chef to prepare a little extra food for Nagi, much to Nagi’s delight). One of his classmates pulled a chair up to Nagi’s desk. It was a common scene that Nagi didn’t mind anymore; it was expected that other students would be interested in Reo. 

The classmate turned to Reo and started asking about a merge that had happened between two companies sometime last week. _That’s interesting_ , Nagi thought. Students were unlikely to discuss business outright at school, and even Reo seemed to be uncomfortable with this topic. Still, Nagi didn’t care to know anything of the business world, so he kept quiet and attended to the seafood dish that Reo’s chef had prepared.

“I’m sorry, Ishizaki-san, but I don’t normally talk about business at school. And furthermore, this matter isn’t something I would know about. Perhaps you could consult someone else for a better perspective.”

The other student gave Reo a curious gaze. “You’re right; it’s my fault for bringing up this topic at school. Still, it’s surprising that you don’t have an opinion on the matter as the son who will inherit the Mikage corporation.” 

“What do you mean?” Nagi found himself asking. Reo and the other student turned to him in surprise since Nagi rarely contributed to conversations. “Reo doesn’t need to know about any of that. He’s going to be a professional football player.”

The other student seemed stunned by Nagi’s remark, and he sputtered out, “That can’t be— Reo has much more important responsibilities—”

“He told me himself,” Nagi replied.

Reo was grinning at Nagi, and he added, “It’s true. Nagi and I are going to be the best football players in the world.”

Dazed, the other student left the two, and Reo scooted in closer to Nagi and silently slipped something into the palm of Nagi’s hand. Nagi glanced at the object. Another piece of candy, like that time on the rooftop. When Nagi looked at the candy, back to Reo, Reo was sporting a cheeky grin that made Nagi’s stomach churn in a strange way. Reo soon launched into a lecture about football, and his voice was brightly tinged with the remains of that smile.

◇-◈-◇

From that moment onwards, Reo treated Nagi with special warmth. Of course, Reo was friendly to everyone, but Nagi could tell that Reo considered him special ( _a treasure_ , Nagi sometimes thought to himself). After football practice, Reo would often invite Nagi to his apartment (when Reo first mentioned owning an apartment, Nagi was dumbfounded, but he reminded himself that Reo lived in a different world), where Nagi would play Reo’s newest games on his console. 

It was a little curious to see Reo owning so many video games— sometimes, Reo would play against Nagi in Smash or MarioKart (and thoroughly get wrecked each time— it seemed like the perfect student wasn’t perfect in everything), but aside from that, Nagi had never seen Reo play video games, and none of his games had any occupied save slots. Still, whenever Nagi mentioned a new title he was interested in, without fail, the game would be found in Reo’s apartment. It was convenient; Nagi ended up saving a lot of money.

They spent many evenings quietly with Nagi wordlessly demolishing enemies in the latest video game and Reo leaning against his side or cushioning his head in Nagi’s lap, reviewing one set of papers or another: the news, reports from the Mikage corporation, student council work, or class notes. These days, Reo had become less talkative, and when he did talk, it wasn’t exclusively about football anymore. He would tell Nagi about mundane things that happened on the student council or weird interactions he had as the heir to the Mikage corporation. 

It was a good change; Nagi liked knowing these small details that Reo didn’t disclose to anyone else. Nagi found himself opening up, too—little details about video games that he had noticed, hating how everyone always put too much icing on their cupcakes, the quiet ways that he missed his dog that died a few years back. Every time he talked about himself, Reo eyes were rapt with attention, and more than once, Nagi found himself mesmerized by their deep indigo hue. 

When Nagi first invited Reo to come to his house for dinner, Reo had flushed a deep red.

“Is it alright?” he asked.

“I talk to my parents a lot about you,” Nagi replied. Reo’s face blushed a shade deeper at hearing that. “They’ve been wanting to meet you for some time. You can just head back to my house with me today.” 

Reo stammered, “I can’t do that! I have nothing prepared; I need to find a gift if I’m visiting. And I can’t just come in my uniform—”

“It’s not a big deal. We’re not rich like you; we don’t care about that stuff.” But still, Reo refused and told Nagi that he would arrive at his home promptly at 7:00. 

When Reo did arrive (dropped off by his chauffeur exactly at 7:00), his hair was gelled back, and he was dressed in a smart outfit (not a suit; even Reo realized that would be overkill, but his shirt was perfectly ironed. Later that night, Nagi’s mom said that he looked ‘quite dashing’). Nagi answered the door in an old club t-shirt and sweatpants, but Reo didn’t seem to realize the discrepancy because he was too wrapped up in his own nervousness. He handed a bottle of wine to his mom (when she later looked up the label, she demanded that Nagi give the rare vintage back to Reo, but Nagi refused) and graciously bowed. Even during dinner (a delicious curry), Reo was stiffly mannered until his mom expressed how happy she was that Nagi had a friend like Reo. 

“You don’t know how glad we are that Nagi found such a good friend. When we first enrolled him into this school, we were so worried that he wouldn’t be able to fit in. Somehow, he found you.” Reo blushed at hearing this, and his stiffness melted away. From then on, he acted with his usual charm, capturing Nagi’s parents’ hearts enough for them to pester Nagi into bringing him to the house more often. (And he did. His mother treated Reo excellently and liked to scold Nagi by using him in comparison).

In their new friendship, Reo seemed to touch Nagi a lot. Reo wasn’t cold to other people’s touches, but he didn’t exactly invite them, either. Yet with Nagi, he would casually drape an arm around Nagi’s shoulder to urge him closer while watching football clips on his phone, or maybe they’d be talking and Reo would suddenly stretch his legs out to rest them on top of Nagi’s. He easily grabbed Nagi’s forearm to drag him places or would muss up Nagi’s hair and remark at the color (like cotton fields, and he would laugh, pulling the corner of Nagi’s mouth up). 

Sometimes, during lunch, they would head up to the school roof, and Nagi would sit cross legged, playing his DS, and Reo would rest his head in Nagi’s lap and take a short nap, his breath puffing out evenly on Nagi’s thigh. On occasion, he would demand Nagi to hold out his hand and secretively pass Nagi some item; candy more often than not, but sometimes a piece of trash (a wrapper from candy already eaten, some crumpled paper) or a weird knick-knack Reo wanted to show Nagi. Nagi was surprised to learn that he didn’t mind any of it. 

During game days, when Nagi scored a goal, Reo liked to jump and tackle Nagi. The other teammates would follow by slapping Nagi on the back or high-fiving him. Today, something different had happened. It was steadily becoming normal for Nagi to have moments where time slowed and he felt immersed in a self-awareness of his own body, commanding his movements with precision, but today, that exactitude felt extended. 

Nagi could see Reo pushing up the field to set an attacking play, but before Reo could pass to him, he already knew where the ball was going to land. It was more than that; Nagi knew exactly how Reo was going to pass it, and from that, he knew exactly where the ball would land. Except it was more than that, too. It was like he was _compelling_ Reo to pass the ball in an exact way so that it would land perfectly for Nagi to trap and score, but it also felt like Reo was compelling _him_ to receive the pass perfectly. 

It felt like an instantaneous chemical reaction where he knew Reo through and through, so much so that he could see the goal before it even happened. 

And then it happened: the pass, the trap, the net catching the ball perfectly and his teammates surrounding him, giving him the customary claps on the back and shouts of excitement. This time, when Reo came to celebrate the goal, he didn’t jump on top of Nagi. Instead, he gave Nagi a look of stunned amazement, his eyes as clear as that day when he asked Nagi to play football on the rooftop. Before Reo could approach him, the ref blew his whistle, and the team dispersed to play for the next point. 

When Reo ran away, Nagi swore that he could see Reo mouthing, “ _He really is a treasure_.” 

The game ended in their win (as did almost all of their games). At the end, while Reo was gulping down water in the locker room, Nagi approached him. 

“You didn’t jump on me for that goal,” he said. 

Reo instantaneously knew which goal Nagi was talking about (they had scored three in the game). “Sorry about that. I was a little out of it at the time.”

“Make up for it. I want a piggy-back ride now.” Reo laughed a little and obediently bent down for Nagi (both still sweaty from the game) to jump onto him. As Nagi jumped on, he wrapped his arms across Reo’s shoulders and thought about how firm they were. He wondered for a second if that was a natural thought to have for a friend.

“This kind of feels like you’re my little brother,” Reo said, and that answered Nagi’s lingering thought. Both of them had no siblings, but perhaps they had become close enough to be like brothers. It felt unconvincing in Nagi’s mind, though. “Why did you want a piggy-back ride?” Reo asked as he walked him back to the team’s bus. 

“My legs are tired from scoring all those goals for you.” Reo laughed again, and even though Nagi couldn’t see his face, he knew that Reo was smiling in that warm way that he reserved for Nagi. Nagi thought that he would probably order Reo to do this again. 

◇-◈-◇

Nagi had come over to Reo’s apartment again to play the Witcher (it had become habit for them— more often than not, after school, Nagi was at Reo’s, or Reo was at Nagi’s). Reo had his head in Nagi’s lap, and he was lazily going over notes from their most recent chemistry class. Then, Reo put down the papers and rolled his head into Nagi’s side, and Nagi shifted a little to accommodate the weight. Reo reached out blindly, trying to grasp something, and he stopped when he felt Nagi’s fingers that were currently holding onto the controller.

“Give me your hand,” Reo mumbled.

“Wait, at least let me pause the game…” Once he did, he set the controller into the middle of his lap, next to Reo’s face. Nagi held his hand outward, expecting Reo to drop something into it, but Reo’s fingers moved in a fumbling manner. Suddenly, Nagi realized that Reo was trying to lace their fingers together, and it brought a deep blush on his face.

“What is it?” he asked. This touch was different from usual; it felt… intimate. Nagi could feel the heat from the other boy’s palm, and he tried _not_ to think of Reo’s head in his lap, or the way that his soft hair rustled as he shifted around, or how every second felt drawn out into an infinite moment. His heart echoed in his chest. Where Reo’s head rested, Nagi’s thigh burned.

Then, Reo pulled their intertwined hands down next to his face, and Reo’s warm breath ghosted his fingertips, and it was like a _bolt_ hit Nagi. Every exhale Reo made sent tingles up Nagi’s fingers, and he had to force himself not to jump off the couch. Nagi tried to focus on the television screen, but his heart was thundering in his ears. He felt like he couldn’t breathe. 

Something must have happened if Reo was acting this way. 

“You’re the only one who believes me,” Reo said softly. Nagi almost didn’t hear it over the sound of his own heartbeat in his ears, but it was a welcome distraction to how overly conscious Nagi was of Reo’s touch. Nagi waited a moment longer for Reo to explain himself. “Everyone else has expectations of me.”

So that was it— Reo had gotten in a fight with his parents about his future again. Still, Reo had never reacted this way to a fight; he would go on angry tirades or make caustic jokes about his “destiny,” but this raw vulnerability was new. It was foreign enough to worry Nagi and dispel his current restlessness.

Reo said, “Nobody else believes me when I say that I’ll become the greatest football player in the world; they can only see my life through the lens of my family. And my family only sees me through the lens of responsibility… to take responsibility for my name... for the company... for my ancestors’ legacy…” 

“You’re different, Nagi.” Reo’s voice had gotten even lower and softer in a way that made each word turn Nagi’s stomach. “Truthfully, I didn’t believe myself until I met you… but then I did meet you, and I saw my future. I could see something beyond what other people decided for me… I could see something that I chose for myself...”

Reo had brought their clasped hands even closer to his face, so close that Nagi could feel Reo’s lips brushing the back of his hand with every word, and every touch sent shivers down Nagi’s spine. With a start, Nagi realized that Reo’s lips were soft. The sensation was electric. Nagi's stomach dropped, and he had become so tense that he wondered if he was now a statue. He prayed that Reo wouldn’t turn his head to look up at Nagi; Nagi didn’t know what expression was on his face, but his cheeks were burning like wildfire. 

“I’m grateful for you,” Reo said. 

“I know that football doesn’t interest you the way it interests me... Right now, it’s just something that you do. And you enjoy it, but… it’s different for me. I can’t explain it except that it gives me life…”

“I want to show that part of football to you. As part of my gratitude, I want to teach you a football that you love.”

Reo finally let go of Nagi’s hand, and Nagi felt like he could breathe again. When he looked down at Reo, the other boy had closed his eyes, and his breath was becoming even. Maybe Reo had been so tired from his fight with his parents that he had to sleep now. While watching his friend drift into slumber, Nagi’s own heart calmed down. He considered Reo’s words.

Nagi had hope that Reo could one day show him this captivating football.

The next day, Reo and Nagi received their invitations to Blue Lock in the mail.

◇-◈-◇

There was nothing that drew Nagi to play football with Isagi. Nothing like a spiritual, magnetic force that called to him from the innermost reaches of his heart; instead, Nagi felt it was a natural conclusion. He had been captivated by those fierce eyes that had resulted in his and Reo’s unexpected loss. 

After the game, Reo’s shoulders had shook as he cried from the stunning defeat, the pain sharp and raw to him, but Nagi’s shoulders had shook in anticipation. Losing barely crossed his mind— he was wondering how to receive _more._ More of the excitement from the game, more of the uncontrollable urge to play harder, faster in an effort not to lose. To perform and to win. How could he abandon this new feeling? 

So Nagi didn’t hesitate to say to Isagi, “Then I’ll join your team. That’d be fine, right?”

It was only when Reo called out behind him did he realize that an outsider would not think that his action was natural. Reo’s voice roiled with confusion as he said, “What… Nagi? You teaming up with me was a given, right? What are you thinking? What’ll happen to me?” 

Nagi turned back to Reo to see uncertainty plastered on his face. Reo seemed more stunned than anything by Nagi’s action, and yet, Nagi couldn’t understand the confusion. Wouldn’t it be natural for Nagi to want to pursue this new feeling? He said, “Reo, you taught me about football. And we can become the best in the world, for sure. But we lost; we weren’t the strongest. This is the first time I’ve felt this… and for me to understand this frustration, I want to play football with this guy.”

As he was speaking, the conviction rose in him. To understand what it meant to really win against an opponent, not in the way that he and Reo devoured opponents in their high school matches, but to play sincerely throughout the entire game. To grasp the feeling of _desire_ — the desire to win… 

“I want to try and put in some effort,” he said. As he spoke to Reo, an energy like wildfire burned through his bones. His passion for football had been, at most, smoldering when he played with Reo in high school, but Isagi provided a spark to stoke this underlying latent energy. Looking deeply into Reo’s eyes, he expected to see the same energy. Reo had always talked about wanting to win, to be the best in the world _together_. Surely, he felt the same way. 

But there was a misalignment. Nagi expected his desire to connect to Reo as beautifully as Reo’s passes to him, but instead, as he looked into Reo’s eyes, Reo’s prior confusion morphed into something hotter and more anguished. Nagi registered this new expression with a sharp twist in his gut; at the time, he didn’t know what to call it. Later, he learned to name it guilt. If Nagi had torn out Reo’s innards with his bare hands and smeared it across Reo’s face, then perhaps that expression would be equal to this one.

The anguish passed away in a flash and was replaced with a dark storm that clouded Reo’s face. He broke his gaze with Nagi, looking down at the floor. For a brief moment, Nagi thought he had seen something impossible: Reo’s clear eyes had dimmed and turned murky. 

But it was only for a moment, and it had never happened before, so Nagi must have imagined it. 

When Reo spoke next, it was in the tone that he reserved for business. Nonchalant and airy, but years of knowing Reo allowed Nagi to hear the tension in his voice. Reo said, “Do what you want,” and he left it at that. 

◇-◈-◇

The next time Nagi encountered Reo, Nagi was happy to see his friend. It had been the first time they were separated in Blue Lock, and every night, he thought of ways to recount his playing to Reo. Wondering how Reo might comment on his match against Itoshi Rin or what he would think about Barou’s selfish playing style. If they had played together, he could picture Reo pulling out a whiteboard and drawing out positions and arrows, decisively thinking through tactics. When Nagi crossed Reo in the baths, he immediately felt relieved at the familiar sight. 

“Reo!” he said, with a little smile drawn on his face (it had been a while since he’d smiled— that’s how happy he had been to see Reo). He approached his friend. “Listen to this— I practiced a lot—” He drew his hand out to grab Reo, wanting to share their familiar touch.

And then Reo slapped Nagi’s hand away, and the sharp sensation had Nagi drawing his hand back as if he had touched a burning stovetop. _Another misalignment._ Nagi had been so happy to see Reo that he hadn’t examined the other boy’s appearance, but upon a close look, Reo looked… bad. He was clouded in exhaustion and resentment; dark circles ringed his eyes, and his jaw was held tightly. Worst of all was the look he had given Nagi: maliciousness wasn’t exactly new— Nagi had seen it turned on bothersome subordinates in the Mikage corporation— but to have it turned on him was different. The sharp twist to his gut returned.

“Stop it,” Reo said darkly. Reo was always smiling at Nagi, always reaching out, always reminding Nagi of what it meant to be close to another person, but Nagi was stunned to finally feel separate from his friend. The discomfort was burning a hole in his chest, and he just wanted Reo to cast aside the gloomy look and give him a smile. Instead, Reo said, “The two of us are rivals now, Nagi… You left me behind, and now, I’ll defeat you.”

His teammates and Reo’s agreed to the match suddenly suggested by Reo. Nagi drew his lips together. Perhaps it was good that Reo was angry at him; maybe it would force them to grow more, and they could achieve the dream of becoming the best football players in the world. But it felt reckless, like pulling a brick from a wall and hoping that it would reinforce the structure.

After the bath, Nagi still smarted from the harsh words that Reo had thrown in his face, and he wondered how long Reo might stay in this mood. There was a possibility of the match being able to mend their friendship— if Nagi could show him how much he’d grown, Reo would understand why he needed to play with Isagi. 

Things would be okay. 

◇-◈-◇

The match had been exhausting; Reo and the others had been fierce competitors, and Nagi was almost sure that Barou would lead to his team’s defeat in the middle of the game, but somehow, Isagi was able to play _with_ Barou even if it was in such a destructive manner. Nagi had been right— by playing with Isagi, he had been able to grow and in turn, his conviction grew, too. 

The want to win, the want to play— to _really_ play… competing against Reo helped cultivate this feeling even more, so he was grateful to Reo. And he could tell that Reo had exerted himself and grown through the match as well. Like this, they could fulfill that dream Reo had once promised.

How could he convey his feelings to Reo? He went up to his defeated friend and tried to describe how he had believed in Reo’s ability, how they could only play with the conviction that Reo was amazing, but Reo cut him off.

“Then pick me,” Reo stared at the ground ahead of Nagi. His words were laced with bitterness that left Nagi’s tongue tasting like cigarette smoke. “I don’t need words of comfort. Say it clearly, that you don’t care at all about me anymore.”

Outrage lurched up in Nagi, but before he could respond, Reo continued, “You’ve changed into a person who forgot their promise to me… to be the best in the world _together_.” Finally, their eyes connected, and the emotion in Reo’s face shook Nagi. Resentment was drawn tightly on Reo’s features, and his eyes were dark and clouded again. For a moment, Nagi felt out of place. 

He had always thought of Reo as a bright person, always flashing an easy smile at Nagi during a game right before an impossibly perfect pass. Just a few days ago in Blue Lock, he had happily given Nagi a piggyback ride despite both of their jerseys being soaked in sweat from a grueling game.

Reo said, “If you’re abandoning me, abandon me properly, you shit.”

 _Abandonment?_ What Nagi was doing was the exact opposite; he was doing this for both of their sakes. Did Reo not see it? The need to grow more, to do more? Something hot was building in Nagi’s throat, like magma rising before an eruption. “Would you be satisfied if I chose you here? Becoming part of a team even if it’s not exciting… is becoming the best in the world so easy?” 

Nagi spat out, “The one who forgot the promise is you.”

Nagi had enough of the conversation. Reo was too narrow-minded right now. Reo was amazing, yes, but he needed to grow more, and if they kept talking, they would keep exchanging blows, and their friendship (now tattered) wouldn’t survive. Yet Nagi couldn’t help but give one more jab by saying, “You’re a pain in the ass, Reo.” He turned his back. “I don’t care anymore.”

A stunned silence followed him, and Nagi didn’t bother turning his head for a final look at Reo. But as Nagi walked away, something unsettled him— he wondered what exactly he meant by that final statement.

* * *

**Author’s Note:** So, you might be wondering… why tf are the events in this chapter so similar [to this other Blue Lock fic I read](https://archiveofourown.org/works/27606157)? Basically, I started writing this a few months back, but then thought… yo, Nagi is the main character here, but if I was writing from Reo’s perspective??? 10x the angst, more beautiful & poetic metaphors, and it’d be SUPER sad. so I took a detour, wrote that, and am now finishing up this (lmao). 

Also, if you read [Pre-Blues](https://archiveofourown.org/works/26587411) (now orphaned), that was basically the precursor to this. I reread Pre-Blues and wanted to shit on my past self for the bad writing, so with major edits & some added length, that has become this fic’s first chapter.

Did you know a novel is 50k words? I basically wrote a novel bc I couldn’t get over how sad Nagi abandoning Reo was.


	2. Chapter 2

Blue Lock had challenged them, but in the end, neither Nagi nor Reo were the protagonist. Surprisingly, it wasn’t Isagi either; it was Itoshi Rin. This development wouldn’t have been shocking to anyone outside of Blue Lock— after all, Rin was the most talented player coming into the system, and his dedication was extreme even amongst the Blue Lock players, but it surprised Nagi. To the end, Nagi had carried the quiet conviction that Isagi would win (perhaps because it was Isagi who drew him into the addictive world of football), but even coming dangerously close to toppling Rin’s first place position, Isagi was unable to overcome the monument that was Rin Itoshi.

Reo was cut off when there were only six people left in Blue Lock; Nagi when there were only three. Neither knew what happened between Rin and Isagi to determine who was the winner of Blue Lock, but in the end, Rin won, and he was reunited with his brother to play football on the level of the Japanese National team. 

Even after the match between Nagi and Reo’s three-person team, Nagi was unable to reconcile with his friend. The air was too heavy between them, and in Blue Lock, they were opponents. They were both seeking to be the single best striker in the world in a place that forbade a sense of _we_ or _together._ There was certainly camaraderie in the facility, but underneath that, a latent sense of competition fomented in the participants’ friendly banter. It was like that moment when Reo had slapped Nagi's hand away in the bathroom— _The two of us are rivals now_. It wouldn’t do any good to talk to Reo. 

Still, Nagi examined Reo’s growth with curiosity. Reo now played with a desperate ferocity that was unfamiliar to him before coming to Blue Lock. In a way, Reo acted like he was cornered in every match he played no matter if the opponent were weaker or stronger. His kicks became more accurate, his dribbling faster— even his traps grew more impressive. His all-rounded nature allowed him to be a core part in every game he played. A thrill ran through Nagi when he saw Reo play with this ferocity; the vision of becoming the best players together unfolded into something within their grasp. 

But sometimes, when Reo played, Nagi would flash back to visions of their high school games, when Reo would throw out a bright smile at his teammates, pump his arms up after a goal, or jump onto Nagi after a particularly good assist. Playing with Reo then was like playing in the sun, and when Reo turned to smile at Nagi, he would bask in its light. These days, after a goal, Reo might share a quick nod or solid high-five with his teammates, but he immediately turned his attention back to the game.

 _He’s desperate_ , Nagi thought. 

Perhaps Reo’s growth through Blue Lock manifested itself as desperation. It could be considered a good thing. And yet, Nagi was reluctant to admit that he found himself longing for the sun.

Nagi wondered if the interest was mutual. Sometimes, he thought he caught Reo giving him a lingering gaze, like they might fall back into their familiar rapport with just a word, but before that moment was ever realized, Reo always steeled his eyes and turned away from Nagi. It stung, but Nagi supposed that it was only natural in this environment. Blue Lock was a place that contorted players, stretching them into positions that they could never imagine, and sometimes, the stretching resulted in tears. After Blue Lock, the tears would heal, and things would be back to normal. Or so Nagi hoped.

Jinpachi had always threatened the destruction of their football careers should they not come out the top player of Blue Lock, but reality was far more kind. Within the isolation of the prison-like structure, none of the players could have known that a global fascination surrounded the boys. When Nagi finally left, he was surprised to learn from his mother that he had amassed a small fan club (though Nagi was sure that Reo’s fan club must have been much larger and more annoying, just like in high school). 

The effect of publicity was not limited to fangirls sending squealing letters that Nagi had no idea how to respond to: it seemed that as soon as he stepped out, football clubs were clamoring for him to join. Isagi went to a foreign team in Portugal, claiming that he had to fight internationally to become stronger. 

Nagi decided that he wanted to stay in Japan for now (the periodic English lessons that Blue Lock had forced upon its players had done nothing to improve his grasp on the language), but he had trouble choosing which team to play for. When Nagi was invited to a Tokyo Blue Lock reunion, he thought it would be a good opportunity to ask his past competitors. Predictably, instead of a casual get-together, the meeting devolved into a football match, and Nagi sighed as Hiori passed a red bandana to him. As he glanced over the field to scope out his teammates and opponents for this game (Bachira and Chigiri were on his team, Kunigami was not), Nagi was surprised to see Reo on the other team. 

He still hadn’t reached out to Reo; after all, the heavy air between them hadn’t dissipated the moment they left Blue Lock, and Nagi wasn’t sure how to propose rekindling their friendship. But wasn’t this an apt opportunity to become close again? As Nagi made his way through the opposing team, Reo seemed unconcerned until he realized Nagi was heading for _him_ , and then he flashed the other boy a deer-in-the-headlights look. 

Nagi held back a laugh— it was another new expression on Reo’s face. Nagi had thought that would stop the second they left Blue Lock.

“What do you want?” Reo asked tentatively, but his question was braced with a strong guard, making it clear that it wouldn’t be easy to resume their friendship. Reo crossed his arms and gave Nagi a glowering look. 

“Other teams must be trying to recruit you now,” Nagi said. “Where are you considering? Maybe we can play together again.”

Reo’s hard gaze didn’t lift. “Tell me where you’re going first.”

“The Kashima Antlers and Urawa Reds both made offers to me.” For a second, the guard lifted, and Reo raised an eyebrow in appreciation. Nagi could feel himself ease.

“Doesn’t it seem obvious? You love the Reds,” Reo said. “Although perhaps the Kashima Antlers would be better for your playstyle.” 

“Then it’s decided. I’ll play for the Reds.” Reo let out a small puff of irritation. “What? How can I grow if I go to a team that caters to me?”

“I got an offer from Gamba Osaka. I’ll probably go there,” Reo replied. 

Disappointment struck Nagi, but he let out a small smile. “We’ll be rivals again, but it’ll be a good team for you. I’m sure you can learn a lot.” Reo didn’t respond. Although the air had lightened, it was like a physical barrier had settled between the two, and they were only exchanging pleasantries over a vast wall. 

How long would it take for them to become normal? If they were both going to go to separate teams, then there wasn’t much time to fix their friendship. “I look forward to playing against you, Reo. I’m sure we’ll both make it on the national team… maybe soon we can play together.” He turned away to get ready for the match, but as he was leaving, Reo called out just within earshot—

“Wait!”

Nagi turned around expectantly.

Reo had his hands pressed to his mouth, and he yelled, “I’m looking forward to it as well!”

Nagi grinned and waved as he jogged back to the red team. Maybe there was hope after all. 

◇-◈-◇

After the game, Nagi texted Reo with some idle talk about tactics during the match (his heart pounding as he sent the first text, but Reo responded quickly, and a wave of relief washed over Nagi). Reo’s team had won, and Reo had been especially captivating; despite being opponents, Nagi’s heart surged when he realized that Reo had directed an incredible play. 

He really was on the path of becoming the greatest, meaning Nagi would have to work hard to keep up.

The conversation flowed easily from discussion of the other players to their new respective teams, and Nagi thought nothing when he sent a text praising Reo’s performance on the field, saying, “You were really captivating on the pitch. I want to see you play more.”

In response, three dots hovered on Nagi’s screen for what seemed to be hours, and Nagi wondered what sort of essay Reo could be writing to possibly take so long. In the end, Reo simply replied _Thank you,_ and for the rest of the night, he didn’t say anything else. 

When Nagi went back to Tokyo, his parents were waiting at the doorstep to warmly greet him as soon as he arrived. All the tension accumulated from Blue Lock seeped away with the familiarity of home. His mother hugged him tightly as soon as he stepped through the door (while simultaneously scolding him for not contacting them enough), and he basked in the sensation. Her red-rimmed eyes signaled that she already knew that he would soon be swept away into the world of competitive football. Still, there were a few months left before he had to leave for training in Saitama, leaving him plenty of time before plunging into the life of a professional footballer. 

Normally, Nagi would spend his free time gaming at Reo’s apartment, but the two weren’t close enough now for Nagi to just drop by. Sometimes, he sent short football clips to Reo or would comment on news in the sport, but their conversations hadn’t evolved into anything more than that. In a way, it was a reversal of their positions in high school; now Nagi was the one chasing Reo through football. 

He wondered if Reo used to feel as lonely as Nagi did now— there were countless moments when Nagi would walk along the street and see something that reminded him of Reo, but he always stopped himself from sending a quick text to his friend. 

At least they were on speaking terms again— with a little patience, things would become better. 

As if reading his mind, Nagi’s mother asked, “How is Reo-kun doing? I haven’t seen him in so long. I would love for him to have dinner with us again.” 

Nagi couldn’t answer her question; he wouldn’t know how to describe the ways that Blue Lock’s stress had fractured their relationship, but his mother presented a good opportunity: maybe dinner could rekindle their friendship. “I’ll ask,” he said as he quickly drew out his phone to formulate the invitation. 

_do u wanna come over for dinner? my mom wants to see u again_

After a second, the reply: _Today? I would have to check my schedule_. 

His mother didn’t technically say today, but Nagi decided on the spot that today would be perfect. _yea today at 7:30_

Then, after a long moment, Reo responded: _Okay. I’ll come over then._ Nagi smiled a little and let his mother know. She clutched her hands together in horror, worrying about the cleanliness of the house and rushing out the door to get food for dinner, instructing Nagi to dust and sweep before their guest arrived. He sighed a little— it was bothersome to do chores literally the second that he came home, but it would be worth it if he could see Reo again (and Nagi did kind of bring it upon himself).

The smell of seafood stir-fry permeated throughout the house as his mother cooked. After cleaning, Nagi had gone into his room and was rifling through his possessions, wondering what he would take to Saitama. There was very little, he realized. He didn’t own many sentimental items, so it would probably just be clothes and football gear. 

On his desk, he noticed the Urawa Reds keychain charm that Reo had given to him a few months before they had left for Blue Lock. He had gone to Saitama for some business meeting (even as a high schooler, his father paraded him around associates, still claiming that Reo would inherit the company), and while in the city, Reo had managed to bring back this souvenir after a home game. 

_Hold out your hand,_ Reo had instructed, and Nagi performed their familiar ritual. When Nagi unfolded his hand to reveal the trinket, Reo had asked, _They’re your favorite, right?_

He decided that the charm would also go with him to Saitama.

Finally, Reo arrived, and he greeted Nagi’s mother with a hug and a smile that Nagi had almost forgotten. At the sight of it, a mysterious pang struck Nagi, but he tried to brush it off. Reo greeted Nagi’s father with the same warm enthusiasm and gifted his parents with a new modest bottle of wine (since Reo’s first visit, he had been careful to give gifts that weren’t too extravagant). Although Reo greeted Nagi amicably (a solid one-armed hug), there was some stiffness in his manner, but Nagi decided that he could only be grateful. He silently wished that he could completely lean into the touch.

In their excitement, Nagi’s parents seemed to completely overlook anything amiss between the two boys, and they were rushed to sit down and eat. Nagi couldn’t stop looking at Reo. His presence was both familiar and uncomfortable— how many times had Reo sat down at this very table in the past? They had replayed this scene countless times in high school to the point that Reo felt like a part of the family— the second child his parents had always wished for, a brother Nagi never had. It was clear in the adoring gazes that his parents gave to Reo and how easily his voice rang in the space.

And yet, Reo was a puzzle piece in a spot that was almost correct, but not quite. So close, but frictional in the spots where the piece didn’t lodge correctly. Perhaps Nagi was the only one who felt that way. Reo, as usual, was charming his parents with tales from their high school football days.

“Reo-kun, tell us stories about what happened in Blue Lock!” Nagi’s mother exclaimed, and his father nodded in agreement. Nagi paused mid-chew, and he could tell that Reo’s smile had tightened up. Sensing the hesitation, Nagi’s mother added, “Ah maybe not… after all, you both just came back home! Maybe you should rest from that a bit.” 

But Reo adopted his easy smile again and shook his head. “It’s alright. There’s just so much to talk about that I was having a hard time choosing what to say…” 

_So smooth_ — Nagi never had a gift for conversation, but Reo was always able to navigate murky waters with such ease. Reo took a sip of water as if he were deeply contemplating their recent past, and Nagi wondered what story Reo might pull from their tense time together in Blue Lock. Would he bring up how Nagi had chosen to play for Isagi’s team instead of with Reo? Or when his team chose Chigiri over Reo after defeating Reo’s team?

Reo continued, “Your son… is really amazing.” From the unexpected compliment, a flush of heat clouded in Nagi’s cheeks, and his mother rushed in to deny it (she believed that even one moment in the sun was too much for her lazy son), but he kept going. “Some of the plays that he made were too amazing… I couldn’t believe it. He’s really a football genius.”

At this point, Reo was embarrassed as well, but he couldn’t seem to stop. “In high school, I always knew he was good, but sometimes, when he played in Blue Lock, I felt… overwhelmed. Now that he’s properly interested in football, nothing will stop him.”

Even though it sounded like praise, there was something incredibly heavy in the way Reo phrased it, and Nagi didn’t know if it would be right to accept his words. Nagi only felt stiff from the compliment.

Thankfully, his mother swept in at that moment, heaping much deserved praise onto Reo and congratulating him on becoming part of Gamba Osaka’s team. And from there, the conversation easily shifted into stories about matches before the moment Nagi chose Isagi’s team— the time when they were still close friends during Blue Lock. His parents were delighted to hear about all the different characters that were part of the Blue Lock crew (Barou’s insufferable insistence on being the king of the field, Aryu’s obsession over style). It felt easy again. Nagi released the tension he had been holding onto during the dinner and relaxed into the comfortable atmosphere of the people he loved. 

After cleaning up dinner (Reo always insisted), Reo was giving his farewells to Nagi’s parents and slipping his shoes on. For a moment, Nagi thought he would just let Reo slip out the door to be picked up by his chauffeur, but before that moment passed, something instinctual had him reaching out. How long had it been since they had a conversation alone or even just were alone together? It seemed impossible, based on how misaligned they currently were, but Nagi still longed for it. 

Just as Reo opened the door, Nagi grabbed Reo’s wrist, and the other boy turned to him in surprise. Before Reo could say anything, Nagi said, “Let’s go to the playground at the end of the block.”

Reo hesitated a moment before saying, “My chauffeur is waiting for me now.” Reo gently removed Nagi’s hand and turned back. “Maybe later.” A new sense of urgency overtook Nagi. That _maybe later_ sounded like it would become _never_.

“He can wait a little, right? You can tell him to drive around the block a couple of times. Let’s go— we haven’t talked in a while, and I want to catch up.” It was embarrassing to insist so much. Usually, Reo dragged Nagi along in the whirlwind that was the life of the Mikage heir, and Nagi simply watched the scenery pass by.

 _I should just give up,_ Nagi thought, but the thought made his heart ache.

They traded a look that stopped Reo, and after a moment of furrowing his brows, he said quietly, “Okay. We can go,” and Nagi’s heart immediately leapt up. As they walked, Nagi tried to quell his nervousness, but Reo was silent, curdling the atmosphere with awkwardness. When they finally reached the park, Reo chose to sit in the middle swing (as he always did). 

He idly started kicking his legs back and forth, building up a steady momentum. Nagi slipped into the swing next to him but sat still, trying to think of what to say. He had taken days of easy conversation together for granted; there were countless topics floating in Nagi’s mind, but each of them seemed irrelevant or too trivial to mention. The drawn out silence felt oppressive.

“What do you want?” Reo asked, the question tinged with an unspoken accusation that made Nagi swallow. 

“How have you been?” Nagi asked. It was cringe-worthingly dumb to ask, but what was else could he say? Reo always had enough words for both of them, showering them generously on Nagi like the background noise of a television. 

“If you mean to ask how I’ve been since my best friend abandoned me, I’m peachy right now.” All the warmth that Reo had shown in the dinner vaporized, and Nagi could feel goosebumps from more than just the outside temperature.

“What do you mean _abandoned_ you?” He could hear his voice rising with indignation from how Reo’s remark had stung. _No, this isn’t what I want to say_. Shouting at his friend would only make the fissure between them deeper, the chasm wider until they could no longer hold each other in their sights, but an instinctive defensiveness caused Nagi to lash out. “You avoided me during Blue Lock— you wouldn’t even talk to me!”

“Wasn’t it the same for you? Of course I didn’t want to talk to you after you ditched me! But you never reached out, and you never apologized, either!”

Something harsh rose up in Nagi. What did Nagi have to be sorry for? “What do you mean _apologize?_ I didn’t do anything wrong— I was just trying to become better! Isn’t that what we were committed to since coming to Blue Lock? Even before then, you wanted us to become better.” And Nagi took a moment to correct himself before saying, “No, you wanted us to become _the best_.”

Reo’s swings had become forcefully high, causing the set to creak loudly as he moved back and forth. “Stop trying to throw my words back at me— you were supposed to be _my friend_!” At that exclamation, Reo jumped off the swing and landed solidly on the ground. 

Another pang hit Nagi’s heart when he heard Reo refer to their friendship in past tense. Nagi hopped off his own swing to approach Reo, but he paused when he saw Reo wipe at his face furiously, and with a start, Nagi realized Reo was crying. At once, all of Nagi’s angry retorts died in his mouth. 

“You don’t understand,” Reo said with a hiccup. Nagi had wanted to grab Reo’s arm, but now his limbs were stiff and iced over. In the streetlight, he could barely make out Reo’s face, but there it was again: that unmistakable expression… Reo’s eyes were filled with a bruise-black haze, and his gaze was staunchly fixed to the ground. Nagi stood aside stupidly, the guilt weighing heavily on his neck.

“I would have given everything for you,” Reo said with an undisguised tremor in his voice, and a terrifying shiver crawled down Nagi’s spine. Reo was right; Nagi didn’t understand, but he could clearly hear the hurt surfacing in Reo’s words. He wondered if he should reach out to Reo and try to comfort him, or if Reo would hate him even more for the attempt.

“I would have done anything for you, but what did you do? You left me behind for a complete _stranger_!” 

Then, as if trying to shake off the memory, Reo shook his head and calmed his voice. “It’s over now; it doesn’t matter anymore.”

Reo turned to leave, and it felt like a noose had suddenly squeezed around Nagi’s heart. The same thing that always compelled Nagi to _move_ put Nagi into action again; before he could understand what he was doing, he grabbed Reo’s arm, and Reo flinched at the gesture. _That would have never happened before,_ Nagi thought. Nagi tightened his grip.

Nagi heard himself say, “Aren’t you the one misunderstanding something?” Reo stiffened. “After Blue Lock, I wanted to talk to you. Even during Blue Lock, I wanted to talk to you. Why else would I text you first or invite you to dinner today?” Reo still wouldn’t meet his eyes, and it hurt, but if Reo faced him now, Nagi thought that seeing his expression might hurt even more. “I want to be your friend, Reo. I still want to play football with you.”

Nagi could hear Reo sniffle, and he watched as Reo rubbed away a few tears with his free hand.

“… Fine.”

A swell of relief overtook Nagi, and he pulled in Reo to wrap his arms around his friend tightly, like how Nagi initially wanted to hug Reo when they first saw each other today. Nagi released a long exhale. Reo, too, lost tension in his shoulders, and although he didn’t return the hug, he leaned into Nagi’s touch. 

◇-◈-◇

With that, something was restored in their friendship, although it wouldn’t be truthful to say that everything was okay. He and Reo would often work out together, or they would play unofficial matches with Blue Lock participants who lived nearby. Sometimes Reo would text him first, discussing trades, football management strategies, or fellow Blue Lock players. Problem was, they only ever interacted through a barrier of football.

It was a rewind to the beginning state of their friendship, when they had only known each other through football. Somehow, Nagi recalled those times much more fondly than their interactions now. Reo back then always had an air of uncontained exuberance for the sport, studying matches with a grin and meticulously pointing out the intricacies of each play. 

Now, Reo only seemed to analyze football with intensity. In person (never at Reo’s apartment— Nagi hadn’t been invited back in yet), he studied clips with a furrowed brow and grimace. His comments were still knowledgeable and insightful, but they contained a different passion than the enthusiasm that Reo used to have. Reo had cultivated a playstyle tinged with desperation during Blue Lock’s stressful environment, but it seemed that Reo’s new attitude towards football continued even outside of that atmosphere.

Nagi didn’t like it. Even if it were a sign of Reo’s new maturity considering football, Nagi would much rather see Reo’s bright smiles on the pitch— a selfish, but honest wish. Sometimes, it seemed like Reo didn’t even enjoy football anymore. 

Nagi shook the thought off. That couldn’t be the case— Reo was still aiming to be the best in the world which was why he had become so serious about football. To follow him and to fulfill their promise, Nagi silently resolved to grow as well. And if he could encourage Reo to enjoy his time while continuing to grow, then that would be better for the both of them.

But there was no time for Nagi to make that change. It was the start of the season, and Nagi was headed to Saitama, while Reo was already in Osaka. Reo had left a few days prior on a bullet train without telling Nagi. If things had been better between them, they would have surely seen each other off. 

Right now though, there was only the bitter potential of them returning to normal. While packing up, Nagi saw the keychain that Reo had once gifted him (remembering the smile Reo had as he passed the trinket into his hands) and assured himself that things would eventually be alright. Nagi could be patient.

With that, he and Reo started their football careers.

The first season that Nagi played could only be called strangely uneventful. There was no helping it— both he and Reo were only 18, so they were most inexperienced of the rookies. Nagi was given precious little match time, and much of his energy was spent understanding what his place on the team would be, going through endless amounts of practice to understand what playing style the team was striving for, and creating chemical reactions with his teammates’ weapons. 

Even if Nagi wasn’t a regular starter on the team (and probably wouldn’t be one for at least another year, and even that was optimistic), professional football was in a league that he hadn’t expected. Even watching his teammates on the sidelines, there were moments and movements that completely captivated Nagi. It was so different from their high school matches or Blue Lock, and images of stunning goals were burned into Nagi’s eyes. He diligently relayed these moments to Reo over text or phone calls, hoping that this captivating football might get Reo to enjoy the game again, and in response, sometimes, Nagi could hear a smile in Reo’s voice.

Like Nagi, Reo barely played this season, and they didn’t have a chance to meet on the field. Even the games where the Reds played Osaka, Nagi never saw Reo. Nagi tried not to preoccupy himself with this, but during nights alone, he couldn’t help but wonder about Reo— if his friend was acclimating to his team, if he was enjoying football, and if Reo ever thought about Nagi. When Nagi voiced these concerns to Reo (though never the last one), Reo always answered agreeably, but Nagi couldn’t tell if it was the truth.

When the season inevitably ended, Nagi headed back home to Tokyo. He now had an apartment in Saitama (nothing special; he explained to management that he wanted something austere), but he couldn’t imagine spending the entire winter alone there. It would be better to stay home. Besides, Reo would definitely be in Tokyo, and that meant Nagi should also be there; the entire season, he had been itching to see Reo in person.

The season ended in December, so it was chilly when Nagi went home. His family greeted him even more warmly than they did when he returned from Blue Lock, and his mother made many teary-eyed speeches about children growing up and moving away, forcing Nagi to guiltily assure her that next season, he would call home more often. When his parents finally gave him some space, he pulled out his phone to contact Reo. 

_im back in tokyo. r u gonna be here in the offseason?_

It took an entire day for Reo to answer, and the message came while Nagi was in a convenience store, buying beer for a gathering with past high school acquaintances (it seemed that a couple of his peers were curious about him now that he was part of a J1 football team. It was certainly more attention than he had ever received during high school). 

_Your parents must be happy that you’re back. Give them my regards. I’ll be back in a few days._

A measure of relief filled Nagi. He replied, _when u get back lets meet up. i wanna see u_

An embarrassing thing to text— it felt needy, making the tips of Nagi’s ears burn as he sent it.

An immediate response: _I have a lot of business to take care until next season, but I’ll let you know when I have an opening in my schedule_. 

Nagi sighed as he paid for the beer. He couldn’t quite tell if Reo was really busy or if he was using work as an excuse to avoid Nagi, but some creeping, pessimistic thing whispered to Nagi that it was the latter. The days when Reo persistently tried to capture his attention were long over, and Nagi only recently realized how difficult it was to be on the opposite side. Was this how his past high school peers felt? It was no wonder that Nagi was constantly pierced with envious glances during those years.

Nagi gazed outside the store to look at the winter displays that some shops had already set up. Without thinking, he texted Reo, _the lights are pretty in tokyo now_. A little over a year ago, it wouldn’t be something that Nagi worried about saying to Reo, but now, it was a little embarrassing. Nagi shoved his phone into his pocket and resolved to not look at it for a day, but it suddenly buzzed in his hand. 

He pulled his phone out again and stared at Reo’s response. _Then let’s go see them together_.

With a small smile drawn on his lips, Nagi texted back, _okay._

◇-◈-◇

Surprisingly, Reo had an opening in his schedule relatively early during the off-season. When Reo texted Nagi with a time and place that they could meet, ( _Only for an hour and a half,_ Reo had said) Nagi couldn’t help but feel nervously happy. Before the season started, they spent all of their time working out, training, or catching up on football. It had consumed every part of their friendship. Being able to meet casually without the looming presence of football was a sign that they could grow to be close friends again. 

Still, Nagi was casually optimistic— there was always the chance that things would remain stiff and awkward. If that happened, Nagi wasn’t sure what he would do.

Reo had sent him the address to a chic coffee shop in Roppongi and suggested they see the lights near there. It was a relief that Reo was organizing their outing; Nagi had never been good with details like that. Perhaps Reo still knew that about Nagi. 

When Nagi arrived at the coffee shop, as soon as he entered, his eyes immediately honed in on Reo, and it took Nagi by surprise— even after months of not seeing each other, he could pick his friend out from a crowd.

Reo, for his part, looked good. He had grown slightly taller, had bulked up more from the intense conditioning that was part of football, and most surprisingly, he had grown out his hair. It was neatly tied back into a ponytail now, similar to how he used to do for football games. Reo gave a shy wave to Nagi, and as Nagi approached him, he could smell a cool waft of Reo’s cologne over the aromatic scent of coffee. 

Although a rush of relief had overtaken Nagi when he saw Reo, it was obvious that Reo had a guard up. The days when Reo would jump onto Nagi’s back after a goal or Nagi asking for a piggy-back ride seemed to be long gone, but surely it wasn’t so awkward that they couldn’t share a hug as a greeting? Yet when Nagi reached out to do just that, Reo only stiffly received it, and Nagi’s heart sank a little at the exchange. 

“How have you been?” Nagi said as he pulled away. He became worried that the next hour and half would be very painful.

“The season went fine. Unfortunately, it seems like a lot of work accumulated during the time I was playing, so I might be busy for the next few weeks.” Reo seemed to be nervously shifting his gaze around the store. Nagi tried to follow his gaze and realized that there were two men in suits sitting several seats away from where they stood. They had sunglasses on at night. In his excitement in seeing Reo, Nagi had completely overlooked the other patrons, but this was definitely suspicious. 

“What are they? Kidnappers?” Nagi whispered to Reo. Reo used to tell him of all the weird interactions he had as the heir to the Mikage corporation, and being kidnapped certainly didn’t seem to be out of the question. Nagi briefly wondered if his and Reo’s training as athletes would allow them to outrun the two men. Nagi leaned in towards Reo and asked quietly, “Do you think we should run?”

Reo cracked a smile at that. “They’re bodyguards.” Out of the corner of his eye, Nagi saw the two weird men stiffen— they must have heard Reo.

“Sorry if it’s uncomfortable… my parents insisted because I’m still set to inherit the company. And now that I’m an adult, they don’t want me to get in any trouble. They’re less of guards and more so spies.” The bodyguards could surely hear what Reo said, but they didn’t react this time.

Nagi wondered when this development had occurred. In high school, Reo never had a bodyguard. Did he have one following him during the football season? “It must be a pain.”

Reo sighed a little but then said, “It’s fine. Let’s just go and see the lights.”

The statement struck Nagi as somewhat out of character for Reo. Reo usually seemed to enjoy going on angry tirades about all the inconveniences that came with being the Mikage heir. Moreover, he rarely accepted the expectations of his parents. Nagi found himself saying, “You can complain, if you want. Don’t hold yourself back.”

And then, Reo broke into a small smile. It wasn’t the same as those ear-to-ear grins Reo used to sport, but it felt familiar, and Nagi could feel the awkwardness between them lighten. Reo grabbed his arm and dragged Nagi out the exit towards the lights while rattling off his recent annoyances with the bodyguards (the bodyguards in question conspicuously following them). Nagi’s arm felt hot where Reo was grabbing— how long had it been since Reo initiated a touch like this? He thought back to the day Reo had said, _He’s a treasure I found,_ and how Reo pulled his arm like this, and his heart twinged.

Even though it was dark, the whole street was cast in a clear, blue light from the illumination of the Christmas decorations. Nagi was only half-listening to Reo detail what Osaka was like when Reo suddenly nudged Nagi’s arm and said, “Did you hear what I said?” 

“Umm, something about the bikes in Osaka…”

Reo rolled his eyes, but Nagi sensed that he wasn’t upset. Reo glanced around the scenery and said, “You were right about the lights being pretty now.” Then he laughed a little and said, “Even though I told you that I wanted to look at the lights, it seems like you’re the one enjoying them most right now.”

“It reminds me of something,” Nagi said, but he couldn’t figure it out. “The coolness of it… or how clear everything seems right now.”

“It’s your eyes,” Reo said bluntly, as if it were obvious, but Nagi startled from the comparison. Nagi shook his head; that answer wasn’t quite right, but Reo insisted. “It has to be… it’s bright blue, like your eyes.”

“Maybe it’s yours,” Nagi said.

It was Reo’s turn to be surprised. “My eyes are purple, dummy,” he mumbled, as if Nagi could ever forget.

“No, I mean the way that the lights feel is clear… and the way that you look at things is the same.” Nagi had been staring at the trees that were draped with lights, but Reo didn’t answer as quickly as he usually did, and he turned to check back on his friend. 

Reo had turned slightly away from Nagi with the back of his fingers pressed to his mouth like he was embarrassed. Or rather, he _was_ embarrassed. Another surprise— Nagi had rarely seen this reaction even when they had been close friends, and somehow, it brought a flush to Nagi’s cheeks. 

As if to dispel the embarrassment, Reo suddenly pointed to a store across the street. “We should go there!” he said, simultaneously grabbing Nagi’s sleeve and pulling him in that direction. “The shirts there are really nice.” Reo sped off, making Nagi stumble after him.

They entered the store (the bodyguards still trailing them), and Nagi was struck by how sparse the store was; it was definitely the type of place that only rich people could enter. Nagi could feel himself inch back towards the exit, but something caught Reo’s interest, and he pulled Nagi deeper into impending doom. The weight of the store’s attendants gaze was heavy on him though they accepted Reo’s presence easily (perhaps rich people were born with the smell of money on them?).

Reo grabbed a deep blue-green shirt off the rack and brought it up to Nagi’s chest, holding out the sleeve and examining Nagi’s arm. It was obvious what Reo’s intentions were, and he wondered for a moment if he should just let Reo do as he pleased, but then he glanced at the shirt’s price tag and felt himself sour. “I can’t afford that,” Nagi said.

Okay— technically he _could_ now that he was making bank as a football player, but in his heart, he was still destitute. And his mom had recently joked about him buying a vacation home for her and Nagi’s father to relax at, but her dangerous tone implied that it might be more than just a joke.

“I’ll buy it for you,” Reo said casually, and somehow, that outcome seemed worse than Nagi just purchasing it himself. 

“I won’t let you.”

“You need it. I saw what you wore at your player interviews. I don’t know why your team’s management hasn’t replaced your wardrobe yet. It’s important for footballers to maintain a good presence. Even the new players.”

Nagi vaguely recalled a conversation that the PR team had with him that followed those lines. Even in high school, Reo had been a public figure, so it was natural for him to consider his appearance. Nagi mostly found that sort of stuff to be a bother. “Just try it on,” Reo urged. “I thought that this color would go well with your eyes. And the fabric feels good.” 

Before Nagi could protest more, Reo pressed a hand on his back and pushed him towards the dressing room, instructing the bodyguards to not follow them.

An attendant ushered them into a room (an actual room— not like the typical store stall with a flimsy curtain separating you from the outside) that had every wall mirrored. Nagi sighed and pulled off his shirt. In one of the mirrors, Nagi could see Reo abruptly turning around, directing his eyes on the floor. It was a little weird to see Reo act shyly; in high school, they regularly changed in front of each other in countless locker rooms. Moreover, even if Reo faced away from Nagi, they could easily see each other from all the mirrors surrounding them. 

Nagi quickly buttoned the shirt. It was as Reo said; the shirt’s fabric felt light and smooth, but it wasn’t good enough to justify its outrageous price (even a shirt made out of silver thread wouldn’t be able to justify the price). Nagi poked Reo, and Reo’s head shot up. As soon as he saw Nagi, he smiled and said, “I was right. This color looks good on you.”

Reo stepped closer to Nagi and reached out to straighten the collar, and Nagi, almost subconsciously, made his breaths more shallow. Hadn’t Reo been acting shy just a second ago? Nagi wondered if he was imagining his heartbeat quickening. 

It seemed like Reo was taking his sweet time just to adjust the collar— surely, it shouldn’t take more than a second to fix anything. Or maybe Reo actually _was_ taking just a second, but for some reason, time had slowed down considerably, and that moment had turned into a torturous eternity where Nagi’s breath was held still in his lungs. Reo’s fingertips brushed against the back of Nagi’s neck (on accident?) and Nagi felt an immediate rush of blood to his face and a shiver down his spine. 

But Reo still didn’t back away, and he rested his forearms on Nagi’s shoulders. Nagi’s throat tightened. In high school, this pose would have been nothing, but it seemed far too intimate for them now. The dizzyingly deep scent of Reo’s cologne only served to spin Nagi’s mind around more. 

“I’ll buy it for you,” Reo said, the soft smile still on his face, making Nagi’s heart do acrobatics. 

“Like hell,” Nagi muttered, and his lungs rejoiced from the sudden intake of air. 

Reo laughed in response and moved to pat the fabric on Nagi’s shoulders. “It’s important to look good. Now that we’re professional footballers, it’s our job to entertain the public. Having a good presence is part of that.”

“Talking like you’re my football manager… Is this part of your plot to become the best football players in the world?” Suddenly, Reo’s smile dimmed, and Nagi wondered what verbal landmine he must have tripped over. Reo moved away from him, dropping his arms from Nagi’s shoulders. Nagi could breathe again, but somehow, he thought suffocating in Reo’s presence might be better. 

“That’s right… this is part of the duty of becoming the best football players in the world. Let me buy it for you— I’ll take responsibility for putting my dream on you.” And Nagi was about to question Reo’s wording, but a sudden knock on the door made both of them jump.

A deep voice called out from behind the door, “You’re going to be late for your next scheduled meeting.” It was somewhat alarming to hear that— it was already nighttime, and Reo had a meeting to attend to? Even in the offseason, it seemed that Reo couldn’t relax. 

Reo turned back to Nagi and smiled apologetically. “Will you be okay going home alone? If you need it, I can get one of the bodyguards to drive you back.” Nagi shook his head at the offer and replied that he would just take the train back. Reo hesitated a little, but then replied, “Okay. It was good seeing you.” And then Reo left, leaving Nagi in a room with just the image of himself in a bunch of mirrors. 

It was a lucky break. If Reo had stayed just a little longer, then he probably would have purchased the shirt for Nagi. He quickly put on his own clothes and handed the shirt back to the attendant before heading underground to the train station. When he reached the platform, he got a text from Reo.

_By the way, I bought the shirt. It should be arriving to your home tomorrow._

And then another one.

_It looks good on you. If you want 2 or 3 more, I’ll order them for you._

Nagi sighed, put his phone back into his pocket, and ignored the flush that came to his cheeks.

* * *

  
**Author’s Note:** You might be like… why was Isagi 2nd place in Blue Lock? Why didn’t you let him win? And that’s because!! I am anti-Isagi. I made Isagi go to Portugal bc I don’t want to write him into any scenes (lol). My ideal rankings at the end of Blue Lock: 1) Rin 2) Isagi 3) Nagi 4) Yukimiya 5) Karasu 6) Reo. Ryuusei would be in the top 6 but I usually imagine him disqualified for violence mid-Blue Lock.


	3. Chapter 3

It was unfortunate how busy Reo had become over the break, but instinctively, Nagi had known that this would be the case. Obviously, Reo had several months of backlogged corporate work to catch up on, but in addition to that, Reo also had to keep training to maintain his athleticism. And because Reo’s schedule was filled with meetings ( _shareholders, clients, and possible enemies_ , Reo had explained) Nagi couldn’t consistently meet with Reo, and when they did meet, it was always rushed. It was a discouraging situation.

But after that night they had spent looking at the winter lights, Nagi knew that they were becoming close again. Just a little more patience and perseverance meant that things would fall in place.

Reo’s secretary (like the bodyguards, another new thing adopted into Reo’s life) had let Nagi know that Reo invited him to another workout session. Nagi made sure to graciously thank the secretary for the alert; he had learned to consider every moment with Reo as precious, and if he treated the secretary kindly, he hoped that she would clue him in to even more of these moments.

When Nagi stumbled into the entrance of the elite gym (one that he could never consider paying the membership fee for, even with his considerably large player salary), one of Reo’s bodyguards was standing in the front, awaiting him. In a taciturn tone, he let Nagi know that Reo was on the treadmills now. The bodyguard flashed an ostentatious golden card to the receptionist at the front desk, and they were allowed in. Already familiar with the place, Nagi made a beeline for the treadmills, and he easily spotted his friend in the admittedly sparse crowd.

When Reo spotted Nagi, he gave a curt nod and proceeded to say something, but Nagi couldn’t make out his words. As Nagi came closer, he realized that Reo was wearing wireless earbuds and was talking to someone about a business deal while jogging. 

Surely this was ridiculous, right? There had to be a limit to how much Reo multitasked. At the moment, he was working, exercising, and meeting with a friend. Why did Reo, who was only 18 years old, have to wring out every moment of his life to be as productive as possible? It was too unfair. 

Reo finished his phone call, and he looked over at Nagi. “Sorry for the short notice,” he said. Then, he added a smile and said, “I’m glad that you could make it.”

“Of course,” Nagi replied. Reo turned back to look at his machine and changed the speed to be a full run. It looked like they wouldn’t be talking for another 45 minutes; the usual length of Reo’s runs. Nagi tried his best to stifle a sigh. 

About an hour later, Reo was doing his cooldown stretches while Nagi gulped down some water. In the middle of a pigeon pose, Reo looked back at Nagi and said, “I’m glad you came today. Sorry we couldn’t chat more.”

Nagi swallowed his mouthful of water. The question had been brewing in his mind for a few weeks now. 

“How do you do it?”

Reo paused in the middle of his stretch. “What do you mean?”

“How can you work, meet up with me, and train all at the same time? Aren’t you exhausted?” And Nagi already knew the answer to his last question: even if Reo performed all his roles to exacting perfection, Nagi could see the fatigue in his friend’s eyes.

Reo moved to stretch out his hamstrings. “This is the bare minimum of what I’m expected to do as the heir of the Mikage corporation. I can’t play football without doing that work. If I don’t do it, I’m sure to be disowned.” 

Nagi grit his teeth. “You don’t even want to be part of the company. It's not fair that they can threaten you like that.”

Reo gave a curious glance at Nagi. “They never threatened me.”

“But you said they would disown you.”

“That’s not a threat, though. That’s just reality.” And Nagi hated how casually Reo said that. Did he not understand how normal families functioned? Being disowned wasn’t a thing to dismiss so easily. 

Reo continued, “And besides, I think life has been more than fair to me. I’m the son of one of the richest families in the world. I get to play in a J1 football team. Most people couldn’t dream of having even one of these things in their life. If I have to work a little to maintain it, it’d be worth it, right?”

It was a fair point, but it still left a bitter taste on Nagi’s tongue. “It’s too much… how are you supposed to endure it? You’re always working. No one can keep it up forever.” Nagi, the lazy boy he was, probably couldn’t endure it for even a day.

Reo stood up and sighed. 

“I don’t want to lose anything right now. Not football, or my parents, or my dream… I need to work hard to keep it all right now. I don’t have another choice.”

Nagi flushed in embarrassment. Even if Nagi’s criticism came from a place of worry, he should respect Reo’s decision— it took a strong resolve to choose such a demanding path, and it was Nagi’s job as a friend to support him. If there was anything that Nagi could do, it was to work as hard as Reo so that they could fulfill their dream.

After a moment of hesitation, he said “I’ll work hard, too, then.”

Reo gave him a small smile and said, “Do you remember when we first met? You told me you didn’t want to play football because you didn’t want to put in the effort.” It surprised Nagi that Reo could remember the years-old memory so sharply. Reo’s smile suddenly turned tight. “Don’t worry about it too much— it’s my responsibility. I’ll see it through to the end.”

That word again— _responsibility_. Once again, Nagi didn’t question it.

The rest of the off-season passed by rather smoothly. On Christmas, Reo sent an exquisite Christmas cake to Nagi’s house, straight from a renowned hotel bakery that the Mikages owned. The cake was so fluffy that it melted in Nagi’s mouth like fresh snow, and as he ate, he was reminded of how in a past Christmas, they had spent the day together, gorging themselves on the very same cake. But Christmas was a working holiday, and Nagi wasn’t Reo’s girlfriend, so it’s not like he could ask Reo to take the day off. He had to content himself with the sweet taste of nostalgia.

Sometimes, Nagi would catch up with Reo in little snippets and pieces of time: short moments after a workout; text messages; once or twice, a coffee meeting. It wasn’t enough. Every time they met up, Nagi hungered for more: a minute longer, another casual touch from Reo. It startled Nagi how persistent this desire was and how greedy he could be.

But he had no right to complain, really. Reo was working tirelessly to achieve their goal, so how could Nagi ask for even more time? Especially when Reo regularly stared off into the distance with fatigued eyes whenever they met up. There was a cruel irony in it: the dream that bound them so tightly together also separated them. The only thing that Nagi could do was consistently support Reo by ensuring he fulfilled his half of the promise. Nagi was never one to enjoy training, but with Reo occupying his thoughts, he found it easier to run an extra mile or practice another ten penalty kicks.

The time for the two to leave Tokyo came quickly, but this time, Reo invited Nagi to see him off at the station, and Nagi couldn’t help but feel relieved at seeing the text detailing the station and time of Reo’s departure (this text sent directly from Reo, not his secretary). Reo wasn’t going to leave soundlessly like last time. They were okay, now.

Outside the station, Nagi easily found Reo among the crowd, and Reo waved him over. It was chilly enough where everyone’s breath puffed up into clouds of vapor. Nagi trotted to his friend, who reached out to give him a generous hug. 

When Reo pulled away, he told Nagi, “Thank you for seeing me off.”

“It’s nothing,” Nagi replied and then internally kicked himself over his thoughtlessness. It wasn’t _nothing_ — Nagi cherished these moments he had with Reo. To cover up his mistake, Nagi thrust out the bag he had been holding.

Reo glanced curiously at it. “A gift?” It was always Reo who liked to give away things to Nagi: Nagi didn’t see a point in giving things to someone who could buy anything he desired. But this time, Nagi saw this item through the storefront window, and he purchased it before realizing what he had done. 

Nagi rummaged in the bag and pulled out a scarf. As Nagi wrapped it around Reo’s neck, Reo looked up to Nagi through his lashes, and his indigo eyes looked warm as he murmured, “Thanks.” Nagi tried to ignore how erratically his heart was behaving. As he adjusted how the scarf sat on Reo’s neck, he wondered if he could brush his fingertips across the back of Reo’s neck, like how Reo once did, but just the thought made his heart rate spike. Reo could perform those intimate gestures with a blasé attitude, but Nagi had none of that courage. Nagi pulled his hands away.

“Now we match,” Reo said, and this time, Reo reached out to adjust Nagi’s collar, like he had that time in the dressing room. Nagi was wearing the shirt Reo had picked out earlier in the winter, and Reo was quick to notice that the scarf was almost the same shade. 

Reo finished fixing Nagi’s shirt, but instead of pulling his hands back to his side, Reo moved them upwards, cupping Nagi’s face, and Nagi was shocked to learn that his heart could thrash even more violently in his ribcage. Reo’s handsomeness would surely be the death of Nagi one day. Nagi shifted ever so slightly, and he was hyper aware of how soft Reo’s hands were (the un-calloused hands of a proper rich boy) and warmth of Reo’s palms. His throat was tight with unspoken emotion; he wouldn’t be able to speak even if he tried.

Especially not with the expression Reo had on his face right now. Reo’s eyes were impossibly clear and his dark lashes framed them pleasantly, and his soft smile made for a fearsome picture that could potentially launch ships. Even on this cold day, Reo’s face was bright and familiar, and Nagi’s heart ached unimaginably because he had been waiting for this moment for so long... for the two of them to be close again. Nagi felt himself lean into Reo’s touch even as his cheeks burned in Reo’s palms.

As usual, Nagi was greedy for Reo’s time; he fervently wished for this moment to linger on into a little eternity. Reo had said something, but Nagi’s head was buzzing so much that sound escaped him now, and he could only guess at what Reo had said ( _I’ll miss you?)_. 

Then, Reo pulled his hands away, and the rest of the world rushed back in. “I’ve got to get going. I’ll see you later, Nagi,” he said, before slightly turning. But then Reo hesitated and turned back. “Before I forget, give me your hand.” And Nagi automatically proffered his hand as he always did in the past, and Reo furtively slipped something into it, patting Nagi’s fingers as he kept Nagi’s fist closed. 

Reo turned and left, and Nagi unfolded his hand to find a piece of strawberry milk candy. While watching Reo’s receding back, Nagi suddenly felt an unnamed tension release from him, and he suddenly fell to his haunches, to the curiosity of passersby. 

◇-◈-◇

A few days after Reo left, it was Nagi’s turn to go back to Saitama. His mother threw the usual theatrics (despite Saitama being less than an hour away from his home), and his father stood aside with a weepy tear in his eye. Upon returning to the clubhouse, his teammates gave him a warm welcome. Miki, who usually played right wing-back, collided into Nagi with his usual hyperactive energy, tousling the younger player’s hair.

“How’s the baby of the team doing?” Nagi swatted away Miki’s hand. “Don’t be so grumpy! It’s been ages since we last saw each other.” Miki had a cheeky smile on his face. “So, tell me about your break— did you have a special Christmas with someone?” He batted his eyes suggestively.

Yuuichi, one of the Red’s regular defenders, swatted the back of Miki’s head, who in turn gave an exaggerated yelp of pain. “Don’t mind him,” Yuuichi said in his deep voice. Yuuichi towered over Nagi. His height was especially useful for headers. 

“But think of his youth!” Miki exclaimed. “We’re both old men by now, Yuu-kun.” The nickname earned him another smack from Yuuichi, but Miki easily dodged it this time. Both men were 23— older than Nagi, for sure, but nowhere near retirement age. “Nagi-kun should be spending his time wooing young girls before he gets all decrepit and serious like us.” It was clear to everyone who would be more serious between Miki and Nagi. 

“Please endure him as well as you did last season,” Yuuichi dryly responded, and Miki pouted.

Nagi was glad that his teammates were fond of him. Nagi knew that his sleepy eyes and impassive face often translated into an expression of disinterest, but when he played, his teammates easily recognized Nagi’s dedication. As the current youngest player on the team, they went the extra mile to support him, occasionally giving tips on how to deal with reporters or management as well as pointers for football.

The manager gathered up Yuuichi, Nagi, Miki, and the rest of the players, calling out the schedule of drills to be performed today. On the field, Nagi could feel a restless energy surrounding the players. The team’s first game would be in a few weeks, and determination to do well this season was heavy in the air, since last season, they ended up in the middle of the table. Nagi briefly wondered if Reo was experiencing the same thing in Osaka, but the thought melted away. Hopefully, the two of them would be able to meet the field during the season.

Several weeks of training went by with little affair, but a few days before the first matches of the season, something curious happened. Nagi was alone in his small apartment cooking a simple dinner when Miki had texted him a link, followed with a message:

_you should follow ur friend and enjoy ur youth too_ (・ω<)☆

When Nagi opened the link, instinctively, Nagi knew that the image was of Reo, but he was so bewildered by its context that he almost convinced himself that it was a doppelgänger. But no, that was Reo standing next to a woman with a bold headline on top: _Kyoko Shinoda finds new love interest?_ For a second, Nagi was annoyed with the headline: as both the son set to inherit one of Japan’s largest corporations _and_ a renowned J1 football player, shouldn’t Reo be the one recognized in the headline? But as Nagi skimmed over the article, he realized as the lead actress for a popular TV show, Shinoda-san would be more recognizable for most readers.

Her wavy, shoulder-length hair was dyed a warm chestnut, and she had wispy bangs and big eyes. Next to Reo, she looked adorable. Somehow, admitting that gave Nagi a tight feeling in his chest, and he wondered what was wrong with him. Reo had two girlfriends in high school (though the relationships were very short), and each time, Nagi had been mostly apathetic. What was with this conflicted feeling? Shouldn’t Nagi be happy for his friend?

As he studied the image, he realized that Reo had a hand wrapped around her waist, and the tightness worsened. Nagi closed out of the tab and flopped onto his couch, trying to reason it out. Maybe Miki had been right: Nagi needed a girlfriend. 

Somehow, the statement didn’t ring true. It could be that Nagi was subconsciously jealous that Reo had a girlfriend while Nagi was alone, but Nagi couldn’t remember the last time he was interested in getting to know a girl— it must have been in high school, and even then, the lukewarm attraction resulted in a relationship that was just as tepid. 

Then, Nagi wondered how Reo had even met Shinoda-san. In between all the work that came with the Mikage corporation and training for the upcoming season, how could Reo have had any time to meet girls? Hell, Reo barely had any time to interact with his best friend— since training began, their text conversations were scattered, and their phone calls were unusually brief.

That line of thought seemed to trigger the discomfort Nagi had with looking at the picture of Reo and Shinoda-san together. It made more sense for Nagi to be jealous of Shinoda-san. And why wouldn’t he be? Nagi had been Reo’s closest confidant in high school, but somehow, she was the only one worthy of Reo’s valuable time now.

As Nagi sprawled over the sofa, he basked in the sour taste of jealousy on his tongue. In the past, he had never really wanted anyone’s attention except for Reo’s, and Reo had been mostly accommodating (aside from the tense period when they weren’t speaking). Nagi wondered what an appropriate response would be to this piece of news— obviously, Reo hadn’t let him in on this new flirtation. Would it be weird to bring it up? Should Nagi congratulate him for getting together with a cute actress? He certainly wasn’t in the mood for that.

He decided that the best thing to do was to leave it until Reo mentioned the relationship (though honestly, part of him hoped that the topic would never be brought up— he doubted that he’d ever been in the mood to hear any gushy words about Shinoda-san from Reo). 

A few days later, the first game of the season came around, and surprisingly Nagi was placed on the bench and was given time to play (with 20 minutes left, after their team was leading with one goal). In the time left, Nagi had taken a shot at the goal (blocked by the goalie) and made a pass that would’ve been an assist if not blocked by the opposing team’s defender at the last minute. Even though nothing came out of his plays, Nagi’s teammates were impressed by his ability. The manager even gave an approving nod— something rare from the cold-blooded man.

After the game, Nagi learned that Reo had been in the starting line-up for Gamba Osaka’s match. Later, that night when Nagi watched that game (when he was supposed to be reviewing footage of his own performance that day), he realized that Reo’s performance had been somewhat lackluster. It seemed that the manager noticed the dull performance as well; Reo was substituted out during half-time. Nagi wondered if the fatigue from work had finally caught up to Reo. 

The next game day, Nagi was placed as a substitute again, perhaps as a reward for his good performance in the previous match. Although he didn’t get to play during the match, there was something exciting in knowing that he was being acknowledged by his team. The dream was inching closer and closer. It would only be a year or two from now for him to be a regular starter— or so Nagi hoped. 

After the game, Nagi was surprised to learn that Reo had been in the starting line-up again. Perhaps the manager wanted to acclimate Reo to the pressure of professional games by putting him in back-to-back matches… or at least that’s what a sports writer speculated. 

It didn’t seem to work. Again, Reo hadn’t performed well, and he had to be substituted out mid-game. Nagi’s worry sat like a heavy stone in his stomach.

It was unusual for Reo to be so distracted during games. He normally understood the field’s condition well, and as a result, became a strong point of connection for attacks, but in the past two games, Reo played as if he were in a daze. Flexibility was only a weapon if you were aware of your surroundings; otherwise, you would take the wrong action and potentially ruin the play.

Nagi wondered what could possibly be preoccupying Reo so much: it was probably business dealings, but a small part of Nagi was convinced that Shinoda-san might have something to do with it, and a brief twinge of jealousy struck Nagi when he thought of the two together. 

Then, Nagi realized that Gamba Osaka was playing against his team next, and Nagi bit his lip. Even if Nagi was called to play, it seemed unlikely that Reo would play in the next game after a streak of bad performances. Surely, Osaka’s manager would allow Reo to rest.

Thinking that must have triggered some bad karma, because in the next match, Reo was in the starting line-up again. In an even more unlikely stroke of fate, so was Nagi.

◇-◈-◇

After repeatedly playing against Reo in Blue Lock, Nagi thought that he had grown accustomed to Reo being his opponent, but when they stood across from each other on the professional pitch, there was a distinct gravity in the situation. It was an official realization of their goal: they were both players who were able to start on a J1 football team. If you had told Nagi that this would be his future in middle school, he would have likely rolled his eyes at you. 

However, once the game started, Nagi soon noticed that Reo’s streak of poor performance had continued. It was immediately obvious to Nagi because he had known Reo for so long, but it would only take a bit longer before the rest of Nagi’s team would realize that there was a weakness in the opposition. Would it be alright to accelerate the process? 

Nagi tightened his jaw and thought that it had to be okay—the two were currently rivals in a game. Treating Reo considerately would be patronizing to him and his team’s abilities. Nagi eyed the maneuvers of the other team; they were currently playing a passing game now, waiting for a good moment to attack. Because Reo played mid-field, he was in a key position among the passers, but if Nagi got through the attackers, he might be able to steal a ball sent to Reo. With this plan in mind, Nagi motioned for his teammates to follow him. 

And then, Nagi could feel his body move with precision— he darted out of the way of an opposing player, who was reacting to the Red’s sudden push up the field. And upon seeing the Red’s loose formation, several players in Gamba Osaka thought it was an opportunity to attack, so they sent the ball to Reo, who was supposed to send it further upfield. 

A mistake. 

Nagi swooped in, plucking the ball from Reo, who suddenly realized that Nagi had taken advantage of his openness. He stumbled after Nagi but it was too late— Nagi was too fast, and Reo’s movements were clumsier than usual. Another player came at Nagi, and he shot a fast pass to his teammate who had moved upfield with him. Two defenders came at his teammate, causing a pass back to Nagi, but Reo was hot onto Nagi’s heels, trying to anticipate the ball. Still, he was no match for Nagi in his current condition. 

Nagi easily took the ball and dodged around Reo, whipping his leg around to take a shot at the goal. His foot collided with the ball, and he could see it arc through the air, hurtling towards the net.

A miss. The ball crashed into the top bar and bounced off. Nagi let himself sigh in frustration, but he knew that his performance just now was far from a disappointment— it had only been a few minutes into the game, and the Reds had almost scored a goal. Nagi could feel his blood pumping with excitement from the roar of the crowd, and he thought that today might be the first day that he scored a goal for the Reds. 

After a few more minutes of play, it seemed like Nagi’s teammates were alert to the fact that Reo was the weak spot in the team. Even better (for the Reds, that is), it seemed that Reo’s teammates were aware of Reo’s deficiency, and they were cautious of sending the ball to his direction, making it easier for Nagi and his teammates to pressure the opposition. They came into possession of the ball again soon enough, and another chance appeared. This time, Tsubaki, the other striker playing for the Reds, took a shot that hit home. Twenty minutes in and the Reds were leading. 

Nagi leapt onto Tsubaki to congratulate him for the goal, but as his team celebrated, Nagi glanced back at Reo. It was different to see him on the field rather than just watching his figure on television. To see Reo play poorly in person was almost anger-inducing; what was the point of Reo working diligently if this was the end result? The Reo that was on the field now was almost a spit in the face to the Reo that Nagi had known during Blue Lock. Where had the brilliant playmaker gone?

They were back on the field for another play. After the goal, it seemed that Gamba Osaka had become more aggressive, and they pushed their way up into the field, ultimately resulting in a corner kick. Nagi watched as his teammates struggled over the ball, trying to keep it out of the opposition’s possession. And then Yuuichi took hold of it, bouncing the ball to Nagi with a header. Reo immediately sensed the sudden change in the flow of the game, and he scrambled after Nagi, persistently tailing him. _He’s getting better_ , Nagi thought.

But it wasn’t enough. “You’re not good enough to catch me today,” Nagi yelled at him. He could imagine the seething gaze that Reo would be giving him now, but there was no time to look back. A defender was running straight at Nagi; with Reo behind him, it would be a 2 on 1 situation. 

Was there anyone he could pass to? No. Should he take the ball out of bounds? With the way he was about to be crowded by the two players, he wasn’t sure it could happen. 

But then Nagi felt something pulling at him, something like an unnamed possibility. Tsubaki was yelling from his left side; he must have caught up and was now ready for a pass and perhaps a second goal. It would be safer to choose that option, but the unnamed possibility tugged at Nagi, and the world narrowed to him and his body. 

He leaned his weight into his right shoulder and extended his leg, giving a soft kick to the ball, passing it between the defender’s legs— a nutmeg. As the defender got confused, Nagi easily surpassed him to catch up with the ball again, moving into his strike zone. And he could see Reo’s arm reaching out to foul him, to prevent him from moving even more forward with the ball, but he didn’t need to move forward. This position would work. With a swift kick, the ball went flying. And suddenly the world opened up again with the tremendous sound of cheering, and Nagi watched the ball catch into the net, soaring past the goalkeeper’s gloves.

A goal. 

Nagi ran back to his team’s side, and Tsubaki crashed into him, mussing up his hair. “Good job!” he yelled, and Nagi felt himself grin widely. Then, he noticed Reo standing to the side, staring at where the ball had hit the net. Another touch of frustration hit Nagi. How had it been so easy to get past Reo? Was this all his work had to show for?

“You’re playing pathetically!” Nagi called out, and Reo sent back a glowering look.

With the two-goal lead, Reo was substituted out. The rest of the game seemed to pass over quickly. In the end, the Urawa Red Diamonds won, 2-1. 

◇-◈-◇

After the match, Nagi sneaked into the locker room for Reo’s team. It normally wouldn’t be allowed (even press were restricted after the game), but Nagi managed to convince the guards to let him in. It wasn’t hard; this was a home game for the Reds, and Nagi was cordial with most of the staff. They liked his young face, and after hearing that he had a friend on the other team, they let him pass with a small nod.

Most of Gamba Osaka had left the locker room, but Nagi found Reo next to the sinks, splashing water on his face. Nagi made a noise with his throat, and Reo glanced up at the mirror to find Nagi’s image in the reflection. Reo clenched his jaw and exhaled forcefully. He probably already knew what Nagi was about to say. 

“You’ve been playing like shit.” Nagi had no will to hold back his crude words. He was deeply frustrated with Reo at the moment, and part of him wanted to provoke Reo to anger just so that they could share the feeling. “Not just today, but for the past few games.”

“Excuse yourself,” Reo said frigidly, still looking at Nagi through the mirror. It was a cold reaction, but at least it was something. Reo hadn’t defaulted to his business-like demeanor, and that was satisfactory to Nagi. 

“It’s true.” Nagi took one step closer to Reo. “You were the weakest point in the team. They lost today because of you.”

Reo frowned and stood up, turning to face Nagi. He squared his shoulders and was balling his hands into fists, but it didn’t look like Reo would move to fight just yet. If they did fight today, Nagi wouldn’t know what to do. Although the two had play-wrestled around before, they had never actually thrown any punches. Reo narrowed his eyes. “Why are you saying this? Your team already won. Just go away and be a gracious winner.”

“If you’re the worst on your team, you’ll never be the best football player,” Nagi scoffed. And then, Reo’s eyes turned terrifyingly dark with anger, and a flush of outrage colored his face. In a swift motion, Reo had grabbed the front of Nagi’s shirt and had pulled their faces close enough to where Nagi could hear his forcefully composed exhales. Nagi balled his hands into fists. The tension in the air was scalding, and it would only take a moment for it to boil over into a physical match. 

And he had that indescribable urge to push the tension further and to instigate that fight, despite knowing better. “Was I not supposed to say that?” Nagi sneered, “I didn’t realize. I thought you had abandoned that dream.”

But instead of bringing out a fist, Reo released his hold on Nagi and then took a few steps back. Nagi swallowed. He had expected an explosive reaction and a proper fight from Reo, but what was this? Reo looked… meek. It was too unfamiliar a gesture, and all the anger in Nagi immediately fled.

“Abandoned my dream? Why would you say that?” Reo asked with his eyes fixed on a spot on the floor. His tone was curiously casual, as if he had inquired what time it was or whether it would rain later this day. 

A sudden rush of memories came to the forefront of Nagi’s mind. Hadn’t Reo acted like this some other time? Looking away from Nagi, with eyes uncertain and murky? It was just like those times at Blue Lock, when Nagi had chosen someone other than Reo. Or that time on the playground, when they were finally able to mend their friendship. Some uncomfortable, unnamed thing turned Nagi’s stomach.

Nagi found himself saying, “Wait, Reo… I didn’t mean it.”

“Tell me why you would say that,” Reo said in a stern tone, the way a boss might speak to a subordinate. A worse turn in the conversation: Reo was using his business tone against Nagi. 

Nagi suddenly remembered the name of the strange feeling upsetting his stomach— it was guilt, and it was gnawing a cavern into Nagi’s core. Who was Nagi to question whether Reo had abandoned his dream? Just during the off season, a few weeks ago, Nagi had witnessed how tirelessly Reo worked to afford even a path to his dream. 

Not only that, this was the second time Nagi had said something about Reo abandoning his dream. Back in Blue Lock, when his three-person team chose Chigiri, he had told Reo, _the one who forgot the promise is you._ Nagi wondered if the memory had been dredged up in Reo, too.

This accusation was wrong— Nagi should have started the conversation differently like showing concern over why Reo was out of sorts with football. Why was Nagi so impulsive and so quick to voice his emotional thoughts? Nagi tried to walk it back. “Reo, I’m sorry. Just forget it—”

“No,” Reo said, and then more softly, “Just tell me.” If Reo had been forcefully demanding Nagi to answer, Nagi would have felt better, but all Reo’s business-like tones had melted away into something distressed. It was like Reo was pleading with Nagi, and the guilty knot in Nagi’s stomach twisted more.

“Your girlfriend, Shinoda-san,” Nagi said, and he was suddenly aware of how pathetic it sounded. Nonetheless, Reo’s head shot up at hearing her name, and he finally made eye contact with Nagi. There was anxiety in his gaze, but a subtle question as well. 

“It’s stupid, but I thought your football had gotten worse because you’re spending time with her instead of practicing. Or maybe because you’re spending too much time doing business things instead of practicing.” Nagi burned with shame from his admission. Why couldn’t he have just been happy to see his friend find someone to care for?

Reo seemed to hesitate for a moment, but then he said, “Okay.”

Nagi paused, but then echoed, “Okay?” He didn’t understand what it meant.

“I’ll break up with Shinoda-san, but I can’t do anything about work from the Mikage corporation.” 

Alarm bells started ringing in Nagi’s head. “What? No! I was being stupid— you can’t just break up with her.”

“Why not?” After a stunned beat from Nagi, Reo said. “You’re right. I spend less time on football because I have to attend to her. I won’t be able to achieve my dream like this.”

“But—” Nagi sputtered, trying to collect his thoughts. “If you love her—”

“I don’t.”

“Still! Isn’t it unfair to both of you?”

Reo shook his head. “It happens all the time for football players. I need to dedicate myself to my sport.” And what Reo said wasn’t entirely untrue; several of Nagi’s teammates had done the exact same thing. But somehow, when Reo voiced it, it left the bitter taste of coffee grounds in Nagi’s mouth. 

“I need to understand my priorities now. Love isn’t one of them. This is a good reminder.” 

When Reo turned to leave the locker room, Nagi wondered why he felt so defeated.

◇-◈-◇

When Nagi woke up the next day, the first thing he did was look up Kyoko Shinoda on his phone. The first headline: _Kyoko Shinoda breaks up with football flame_. The article further went on to speculate that Reo’s poor performance in the recent games along with his busy schedule caused her to lose passion in the relationship. The tabloids weren’t completely wrong; after all, the game yesterday did contribute to their break-up. But really, it was Nagi’s fault. 

Everything had moved so quickly. After their conversation, Nagi wondered if he should message Reo to try and convince him not to break up with Shinoda-san, but Nagi chose to sleep on it. In just this short time, Reo must have broken up with her, and Shinoda-san’s publicist must have immediately alerted the media. Or maybe it was Reo’s publicists that had done so.

Nagi buried his head into his pillow. He felt relieved, but he was horrified to realize that he felt that way. What kind of awful friend had he turned into?

* * *

  
**Author’s Note:** Nagi’s and Reo’s train departure scene was one of my favorites to write… so sweet. Then followed with the vinegar taste of Nagi’s jealousy (lol). I hope you enjoyed learning some football terminology— kicking the ball between someone’s legs is a nutmeg!


	4. Chapter 4

Later, though, Nagi thought that his opposition to Reo’s relationship might have been warranted. 

Reo’s performance in the next game dramatically improved: he smoothly assisted his team's strikers and even scored a goal on his own. Nagi’s eyes were glued to his friend’s figure on the screen; there was a measure of assuredness of Reo’s passes even in desperate situations; he kept collected when opponents converged on him and calmly found paths to attack. It looked like Reo, the football star, was back. 

The game's commentators seemed to agree.

“Look at that. Seems like Mikage’s last few games were just a warm-up for the rest of the season. The manager’s faith in letting him play for consecutive games has finally paid off— Mikage is dominating the field today against the Vegalta Sendai. The crop of new players from Blue Lock really is no joke; we might be witnessing a new age of Japanese football.”

“I totally agree. Between Itoshi Rin, Mikage Reo, and Meguru Bachira, we’re looking at new, dynamic players who have the capability of taking Japan to the top of the world stage. I mean, look at Mikage right now.”

The camera zoomed into Reo’s figure. “The concentration on his face is just deadly. We only got a hint of this last season, but he has amazing dexterity, and that allows him to flip the script seamlessly… when he plays deep, he can effortlessly switch the team from defense to offence with one pass and vice-versa.” 

“That right— but he can only do that if he reads all the players correctly and is aware of the flow of the game. He has a boundless number of tricks that allows him to distract the other team and suddenly go on the offensive, but if he can’t tell what others are doing, he often makes the wrong move.”

“Well, if Mikage keeps playing like he is today, he could become the best midfielder Japan has ever had. When he plays at his best, it’s easy to imagine him wearing that number 10 jersey as part of the Samurai Blue.”

“If you think Mikage would be 10, who would be 9? Who would be the striker at his side?”

“What about Nagi Seishiro?”

Nagi’s heart jumped into his throat upon hearing the commentator say his name.

“They used to play together in high school, came close to winning the high school national championships before they had to do Blue Lock, and Nagi is also part of the Blue Lock generation. Nagi has been making bold moves in the Reds this season. We haven’t seen how they play together professionally, but the two players seem like they’d have good compatibility.”

The commentators moved onto other possibilities, but Nagi tuned them out. Somehow, being acknowledged set something ablaze in Nagi’s heart, and it burned especially bright when two strangers agreed that he and Reo had potential together— potential to be the _best_ together. That the commentators said Reo could become the best midfielder in Japan’s history meant their dream was slowly being recognized by the outside world. The future Reo once proudly declared on the rooftop of a high school building was within sight.

Later that night, Nagi called Reo. On the third ring, Reo picked up. 

“Nagi?”

“Ah, Reo!” 

Reo gave a brief chuckle. “Don’t sound surprised to hear my voice when you were the one who called… why are you calling again? Is something up?”

“I watched your game today. I wanted to tell you that you played well.” Reo hummed softly in response, but he didn’t say anything. “You should have heard what the commentators said about you this time. It was really incredible.” Nagi recounted every detail he could remember.

After listening to the commentary secondhand, Reo said, “That’s a lot of praise they gave me.”

“It’s not just praise. It’s all true. I thought so, too, when I saw you play today. I... I thought you were captivating.”

“I’m glad.” And even though they were just speaking on the phone, Nagi could hear the smile in Reo’s voice.

“Reo.”

“Yeah?”

“I want to play by your side again.”

There was a marked moment of silence on Reo’s end, and Nagi wondered if their connection had suddenly dropped. But then, quietly, a response. “You’re the only one who believed me.”

Suddenly, Nagi was transported to that moment when Reo intertwined his fingers with Nagi’s that night before they received their letters from Blue Lock. Just like that time when Nagi gazed at Reo’s smile after he received the scarf, some unnamed tension filled Nagi, making him shaky and buzzed as his stomach did somersaults. 

There was some sort of vice grip on his throat that stifled any words, but he had to say something— Reo was still on the line. Just as he opened his mouth, Reo spoke again, saving Nagi the embarrassment of blurting out whatever dumb thing his mouth was about to unleash. 

“I’m really happy, Nagi.” And Nagi fervently regretted not video calling Reo today because he would have given anything to see the expression on Reo’s face.

“I thought I had ruined everything… In Blue Lock, I thought that we might never be friends again...” A tremor softened his voice into something dangerously fragile.

Nagi held onto the phone like it was a lifeline. “Of course not.”

Nagi couldn’t think of anything else to say— or rather, what he wanted to communicate was something speech couldn’t articulate. How long had Nagi hoped that their friendship would be completely restored? How long had Nagi been nervously vacillating between coldness and closeness, always on edge, unsure of how familiar to act to someone he considered a best friend? 

Now, an immense pressure was lifted off him. They were friends again, and everything good in this world had made a home in Nagi’s heart, and Nagi felt complete. 

“Let’s play together and continue being friends,” Reo said.

Nagi answered, “Of course.”

◇-◈-◇

A few weeks after that phone call, in the middle of May, Nagi was sitting in the clubhouse, alertly watching the television. Half of the team was crowded around him, also anxiously observing the screen.

The line-up for the U-20 national football team was about to be released.

Miki placed a hand on Nagi’s left shoulder, digging his fingers in so sharply that Nagi winced. He was shaking Nagi with nervous excitement like he was anticipating his own name being called up. Yuuichi had placed a solid hand on Nagi’s right shoulder, but even the normally reserved giant seemed to be holding in a bated breath. 

“Anyone who watches you play can recognize your ability. There’s no doubt that you’re in,” Yuuichi said.

“Of course!” Miki chimed in. “And don’t worry— even if you don’t get in, the manager will put you to good use in our games.”

Although Nagi wore his usual disinterested expression on his face, he couldn’t deny his current anxiety. This would be an indication of how close Reo and Nagi were to their dream: if both of them were selected for the team, that would mean their efforts were being recognized nationally. Nagi gripped his chair’s arms under the unspoken pressure lingering in the clubroom.

Then the announcer started listing names. 

_Akasaki Ryo. Ando Haruki…_

Nagi felt queasy from how hard his heart was pumping. Miki had stopped shaking him, but his teammate’s grip on Nagi’s shoulder had grown so fierce that it was certain to bruise tomorrow. The entire clubhouse was still from its concentrated intensity. Nagi heard _Itoshi Rin,_ and he thought to himself, _Of course_. 

And then he heard _Mikage Reo,_ and a jolt of happiness overtook Nagi, drowning out the rest of the world. Nagi’s hands were shaking— there was something euphoric in knowing that Reo had gotten closer to his dream. For a second, he was so engrossed in his own happiness that he forgot to watch the screen.

Suddenly, the clubroom burst into noise, and several of Nagi’s teammates tackled him to wrap him into a bear hug. Nagi stiffened from shock. From their reaction, only one thing could have happened—

“You did it, Nagi! You did it!” Miki jumped up and down next to him while Nagi was squeezed by a crowd of their teammates. And the happiness that Nagi had just known became even deeper. He couldn’t help but laugh at the chaotic excitement around him. 

“Tonight, we drink!” Miki exclaimed with one fist raised in the air, and several teammates cheered. 

Yuuichi swatted at Miki, who nimbly dodged the hit. “Idiot. Nagi’s not old enough for that yet.”

“Who cares about that? Our boy just made the national team!” Miki grinned at Nagi, and Nagi looked back at Yuuichi, who was staring at him with a proud look and subtle smile. Yuuichi gave a small shrug, and with that tacit approval, the whole team cheered again. 

Tonight was going to be fun.

◇-◈-◇

The next time Nagi and Reo saw each other was at the airport. The first game that the U-20 team was playing was a friendly match against Morocco hosted in Turkey, and Reo had traveled from Osaka to Tokyo to catch the same international flight as the rest of the team. 

It’d be the first time that Nagi was meeting the rest of the other U-20 players, too. Of course, he already knew Rin, but the U-20 roster included many other players who hadn’t been part of Blue Lock (after all, not every player was looking to be a striker), and Nagi was curious to see who his new teammates were. He had heard that Nabeken was a rising star among goalkeepers and that Ando was being groomed as a key part of the Sanfrecce Hiroshima’s defense.

When Nagi arrived at the airport (later than he probably should have, but the airport was efficient, and he ended up having around 15 minutes to wait before boarding even started), he found the rest of the team waiting at the gate, and he immediately picked Reo out from the crowd. 

Nagi wasn’t one for sentimentality, but there was something striking about them casually sitting in the airport, awaiting their first match as representatives for the U-20 team. If Nagi thought about it too hard, he might cry. 

Then, the manager noticed Nagi sneaking in close to boarding time, and he made a _come hither_ motion to Nagi which could only mean that he was in deep shit. As expected, the manager started scolding him about the need for discipline and punctuality (though technically, Nagi _was_ early— there were still 10 minutes to board!). The rest of the players watched tongue-lashing. It wasn’t the best way to be introduced to the team. 

After a solid 5 minute lecture and a promise that his training would be harsher than everyone else’s, Nagi was released from the manager’s death grip. Nagi turned to face Reo, who was stifling a laugh at seeing Nagi be reprimanded, and Reo graciously motioned for Nagi to sit next to him. Nagi didn’t need any more encouragement. 

“I thought that your tendency for being late to things had worn off in high school,” Reo said with a cheeky grin.

“I was only late to avoid you— you kept bothering me. What was I supposed to do?” Reo laughed aloud this time, and the irritation Nagi had from the manager’s reproach eased away, and he felt himself laugh, too. 

Reo wiped a tear away. “High school was a really long time ago.”

“We’ve come really far.” After a moment, Nagi added, “Your dream is within reach.”

“Not really. There’s a long way to go.”

“But you initially started playing football because you wanted to win the World Cup, right?” Reo nodded. “This year is the U-20 World Cup, and you’ll be playing in it.”

Reo closed his eyes and leaned his head against the back of his seat. “Sometimes, I wonder how this all happened… It’ll be a while until we can play in the real World Cup. There’s a lot of work to do before that.”

“Keep working hard,” Nagi said, nudging his friend with his shoulder. 

“You too.” Reo said.

◇-◈-◇

Nagi and Reo had been selected as starting players in the game. The coach had told them earlier that the Moroccan team had a group of creative midfielders but no solid striker. In a way, their team had been similar to the Japanese U-20 team before Blue Lock had occurred, meaning that Nagi and Rin would be key to the Japanese team’s strategy this game. However, Nagi was playing as the right winger while Rin held the coveted striker position. Reo was behind him, playing as a center midfielder. 

Even if Rin had come out on top in Blue Lock, the battle still wasn’t over— Nagi was still aiming to be the best, and that meant that he would have to eventually overshadow Rin. There was no use to thinking about this now, though: Nagi had to concentrate on the game.

The Moroccan team had won the coin toss, and they were currently trying to cut through the midfield, but Sakuraba (the left-winger playing across Nagi) had dropped back, giving no space for the strikers to penetrate deeper upfield. After a throw-in, one of the Japanese midfielders had taken possession of the ball and was trying to send it further upfield. The ball was sent to Reo, and Reo made subtle eye contact with Rin before passing to him. 

It was bizarre, but Nagi was envious of that look passed between Reo and Rin. Even if Nagi was also open, Reo had simply chosen the best opportunity for a goal. Nagi tried to shake the feeling off as he moved further upfield. Rin became cornered by two midfielders, and upon seeing Nagi, he made a pass to his teammate, but in a surprising display of speed, the last Morrocan midfielder knocked the ball away from Nagi, creating a loose ball. 

It was a chance for the other team; the two midfielders on top of Rin rushed to grab the loose ball, but in the fray, Nagi noticed a purple ponytail bobbing up and down and then a ball directed towards him. Reo must have predicted the loose ball (sensing the rushing midfielder before Nagi could) and positioned himself in a spot to receive it. Nagi took the ball, but the defenders immediately darted towards Nagi, and he was forced to pass to Rin. 

The goalkeeper was standing with a square stance, yelling at the defenders to watch out for Rin, but it was too late. Rin aimed for the corner of the net, and the ball hit true to target. A first goal.

After that, Reo gave Nagi another chance to attack; Reo resorted to using the wingers since one of the Morrocan opponents was persistently marking Rin after his goal, blocking off potential passing paths. Nagi received Reo’s ball and attempted to score, but the angle was too awkward, and the goalkeeper easily caught the ball, making Nagi curse.

The game was going at the Japanese team’s pace, much to the dissatisfaction of the trio of Morrocan midfielders. It seemed like they had caught on to the fact that Reo had become key to passing lines among the team, and a different player was now marking Nagi to prevent passes between the two. 

It was annoying, but in a way, it was a compliment. The Moroccan team, who had no preconceived notions of what Nagi and Reo could do, recognized that the pair was a threat. They had no choice except to man-mark Nagi and cut off his contact with Reo; otherwise, Nagi and Reo would control the pace of the game again. Just the thought of that seemed to fire Nagi up. It didn’t matter if they had two or even three players dogging Nagi; he and Reo could find a way to score and win. 

Nagi’s confidence couldn’t negate the efficacy of the man-marking; as the other player tailed him, to Nagi’s frustration, they kept breaking chances for another goal. The two teams played until half-time with no new change to the score, and it seemed like things were slowly turning to the pace of the Morrocan team. The trio of midfielders consistently made creative plays that allowed them to move through the Japanese team, and one almost scored a goal before a Japanese defender blocked it off with a header. The header was received by Reo, and instantly, the Japanese team moved to counterattack.

Reo took the ball and moved it away from the penalty zone, but as he glanced around the field, Nagi realized that Reo wasn’t seeing any paths to pass upwards for an attack. Both Nagi and Rin were being blocked off by their markers. Reo passed to Sakuraba, but the other winger had the same problem. He pulled the ball to the middle of the field, but the team was stalled to simply passing back and forth between Sakuraba and the Japanese midfielders. 

Nagi tried to wave the ball over. He didn’t care if someone was marking him; he would find a way to chase them off to score a goal. Reo was currently in possession of the ball, and Nagi called out for it again. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see his marker smirk; evidently, he thought that he’d be able to steal the ball before Nagi could touch it. Nagi grit his teeth. 

Reo gave Nagi a lingering look, and Nagi felt himself tense, preparing for the pass. He could see the marker also getting ready for the fight over possession of the ball. Reo swung his leg back and—

A feint; he was moving upfield again. But the distance between Reo and the goal was too far. He couldn’t possibly be thinking of going through the opposition alone. Nagi watched the man marking him get pulled away towards Reo, who was still going forward alone. Perhaps that was it— Reo was trying to draw away the markers so that Rin or Nagi would be more free to attack. 

Reo glanced again at Nagi, and Nagi waved his hands. This time, Reo would surely pass. The player who was previously marking Nagi stood between Reo and Nagi, obviously planning on intercepting the pass, but Nagi was prepared to trap a high lob. The other player had been drawn too far away, meaning Nagi had enough time to trap a high ball, weave around the defender, and aim for the goal again. 

Reo nodded towards Nagi again, and Nagi tensed up, looking to the air to predict where the pass might land (although he suspected that Reo would send one of his too-perfect passes that would land flawlessly at Nagi’s feet). But after a beat, nothing happened, and as Nagi glanced back at Reo, he realized that Reo was moving even further upfield. 

Another trick— a way to keep the Moroccan players at bay, trying to anticipate a ball that would never be passed. 

Reo was trying to score himself. And he had just moved within his strike zone, allowing him to aim with a direct shot.

The ball hurled through the air with astonishing force. In slow motion, Nagi watched the other players contort to face the ball; the attacking team watching its arc towards the goal, Rin now blatantly pushing past his marker and rushing towards the goal for a potential rebound. The defenders jumping out, hoping to block it with a well-timed header. It passed all of them, spinning towards the goal. Suddenly, Nagi noticed the goalkeeper with his fingers outstretched, diving. It would be just out of reach— or would it? Nagi felt his legs pumping to join the fray at the penalty zone. The ball just barely grazed against the goalkeeper’s hands, but it wasn’t enough. The net caught the ball. 

It was a goal.

The other teammates were already crowding Reo, half admonishing him and half cheering. Nagi could hear things like “I was open!” and “You should’ve passed to me” but their slaps on his backs showed that they were happy with the goal. Reo turned to Nagi with an ear-to-ear grin that spread into something liquid and sweet in Nagi’s chest. 

Even though Reo now firmly played as a midfielder, it seemed like he hadn’t completely lost the Blue Lock mentality for being a striker. It was a selfish but brilliant goal, and from the bright smile on his face, it seemed that Reo had enjoyed it. Watching Reo stirred something in Nagi’s chest. The way that the sun glinted off his hair, the way his jersey clung to his chest… Nagi swallowed and turned his thoughts back to the game.

The game ended in a solid 2-0 win. Later the manager complimented Reo (and begrudgingly, Nagi. It seemed that he hadn’t forgotten how Nagi cut it close to boarding time) and how the duo had built off of each other to coordinate attacking opportunities. Nagi was just happy that Reo had a moment to shine by himself in the football that he loved. 

◇-◈-◇

Now that Nagi had become close to his U-20 teammates, he had even more opportunities to sneak into the visiting team’s locker room during home games. Nagi only ever got the opportunity for a quick hello before he was ushered out (usually by the opposing team), but he enjoyed getting to see both his U-20 teammates and past Blue Lock peers. 

This weekend, Vissel Kobe was playing against the Reds, and they had recruited Chigiri as a rookie this season. Nagi had been part of the starting line-up again, and he was anxious to play against his friend, but Chigiri had sat on the bench for the whole game. Still, Nagi could sneak into the locker room, meaning that they would have the chance to chat before Chigiri’s team was whisked back to Kobe. 

The security guard blocking the entrance glanced at Nagi but easily waved him in; they had gotten used to Nagi’s unusual visitation requests by now. Since Nagi never caused trouble, they kept allowing him to sneak into the other locker room.

Nagi found Chigiri pulling a shirt on. While Chigiri’s head was covered, Nagi poked his uncovered back, and Chigiri turned around, clearly about to shoot off a biting remark, but upon seeing Nagi, Chigiri broke out into a grin. 

“Nagi! It’s good to see you. You were playing well on the field today.” Nagi’s performance in the game had been alright. He didn’t score any goals this time, but he felt solid amongst his teammates.

“How have you been?”

“It’s weird to be a professional footballer. I was jealous when you and Reo were immediately recruited by teams after Blue Lock, but now I’m glad that I had a year to myself. It was good to wrap up things back home.” Chigiri paused and then said, “Not complaining at all, though. My team has been good to me, and I’m learning a lot.”

Chigiri sat down on a bench. “The atmosphere in professional football feels different. Different from high school, and different from Blue Lock. Everything is so serious and competitive, but… it’s not so cutthroat. I feel supported.

“By the way, congrats on being accepted to the U-20 team. It seems that you and Reo are ahead of me once again.” But Chigiri didn’t seem to be pitying himself at all; instead, he shot Nagi a cocky grin. “Don’t worry though; I’ll outrun both of you guys, like I always do.”

Nagi laughed, but he knew that it was an entirely plausible possibility— Chigiri’s talent was no joke. Since being taken in by a football team, Chigiri must have honed his weapons even more, and it would be exciting to see how Chigiri sped down the field as a professional footballer.

Just then, Nagi’s phone buzzed loudly as he received a text, and he glanced down at the screen. On seeing that it was Reo, Nagi pulled his phone out, about to reply to the message ( _How was your game?_ ), but then Chigiri called him out. 

“We haven’t seen each other in so long, and you’re already distracted by your boyfriend?” Nagi furrowed his brows from the strange question.

It was kind of weird how Chigiri assumed the text was from Nagi’s boyfriend— why would Chigiri assume he even had one (and not a girlfriend)? Nagi denied it by saying, “It’s Reo.”

Chigiri laughed and said, “Yeah, I mean, who else _would_ be your boyfriend?” 

Then, Nagi froze as he realized what Chigiri was saying. “What do you mean?”

A beat of silence as Chigiri suddenly flashed a look that could only mean, _oh shit_.

He shifted his gaze suspiciously away from Nagi and tied his hair back into a messy bun. Then, he pinched the area between his eyes and scrunched up his face as if he just sucked on a lemon. “I might have said something bad. Just forget about it… it was a joke”

Nagi could feel his heart pound with a sharp, nervous rhythm. He tried to swallow, but his throat felt thick. It clearly wasn’t a joke. Still, Nagi thought he should be able to brush off the misunderstanding easily, but somehow, it had arrested his attention. 

“It wasn’t, though. What did you mean by it?” And Chigiri gave off a pained expression.

Chigiri tried to push past the topic again, “Look, it’s been a whole year since I’ve last seen you… We don’t need to get into this. Let’s just catch up!” Even Chigiri had noticed that his tone had become too cheery for the situation, and the atmosphere became dreadfully awkward. Chigiri sighed. 

Chigiri had assumed that they felt… _that way_ about each other. Meaning he had assumed Reo _liked_ Nagi— as in more than a friend. Like in a dating kind of way. 

The pounding sensation in his chest had spread to his ears, but Nagi easily attributed it to shock. _There’s no way, right?_ Then, Nagi realized that he asked that aloud when Chigiri returned a judgmental glare. 

“So, I didn’t want to get into it because it’s not really my place, but now I feel bad for him… You really didn’t notice?” Chigiri shut his locker with a little too much force and turned to face Nagi, crossing his arms in front of him. “I thought the two of you were all good— you guys played so well during the Morocco game.”

“You watched it?” Chigiri nodded. Nagi thought for a moment and then replied, “We are good, but… can't we be good as just friends?”

Chigiri rolled his eyes and didn’t reply. Nagi hesitated for a moment, but decided to ask, “Does Reo actually like me, in that way?”

Chigiri huffed again and paused for a long moment as if weighing the pros and cons to answering truthfully. Finally, he replied, “You’re an idiot if you didn’t notice it. I only played with him briefly on the three person team during Blue Lock, and I could tell he was obsessed with you.”

Somehow that seemed to quell Nagi’s heart. Chigiri had simply misinterpreted the situation before. “Reo was just mad at me at the time. He didn’t like me romantically.”

Chigiri gave an exasperated groan. “Yeah, okay, he was angry, and he wanted revenge. But he also felt betrayed because he liked you, and you kind of ditched him for a stranger. Honestly, who wouldn’t be mad if their best friend and crush just abandoned them?”

Chigiri leaned back against the locker and frowned. “I thought saying it aloud would help, but it’s obviously not getting through to you. Just forget about it. If Reo hasn’t told you yet, there’s probably a reason for that.”

Fragments of memories with Reo seemed to surface in Nagi’s mind at once, recontextualized under Chigiri’s revelation. All the times in high school, all the casual touches that Reo had liberally dispensed— had they been more than friendly? The special attention that Reo devoted to Nagi: had it been more than just fueling Reo’s desire to play good football? In particular, the memory of the night before they received the Blue Lock letters bubbled to the forefront of Nagi’s mind. How intimately Reo had held his hand, saying, _You’re the only one who believes me_. 

Maybe that’s why Reo could so boldly touch Nagi in that dumbfoundingly fond way. That’s how Reo could get away with brushing his fingers on the back of Nagi’s neck, causing shivers to run down his back. How he could press his hands against Nagi’s face with no hint of embarrassment. Just the thought made Nagi want to hide his face. 

Chigiri was right. Nagi was an oblivious _idiot_ , and it was screamingly obvious. How the _fuck_ did he happen to miss that for _years_?

The innocuous text that Reo had just sent him now seemed impossible to answer. How was he supposed to act naturally around Reo? Was it even possible? It seemed like the type of thing that Nagi should confront but it was impossible… They had only just become good friends again, and the last thing Nagi wanted to do was to ruin that. 

Chigiri had a point, too— there must have been a reason that Reo never disclosed these feelings, and wasn’t it Nagi’s duty to respect that? He didn’t necessarily _need_ to confront Reo over this. If Nagi could forget what Chigiri had just divulged, then they could continue being friends. 

After a moment, Nagi texted Reo: _we tied. i was okay. im in the locker room talking to chigiri rn_

Reo’s immediate response: _That’s good. Say hi to him for me._

Mechanically, Nagi said, “Reo says hi.” 

Chigiri rolled his eyes. “Can’t believe that we meet after a whole year and this is what we talk about.” Chigiri glanced at his teammates streaming out the exit. “I gotta go now, but… Good luck with that. Hope it all works out.”

Then, Chigiri walked through the exit, and Nagi was left alone with a sinking feeling in his stomach.

◇-◈-◇

After that conversation, Nagi was able to respond to Reo’s messages with relative normalcy, but when Reo called once, Nagi panicked and watched the phone ring until it went to voicemail. Later, he texted Reo, pretending that he had been busy at the moment (pretending that he hadn’t been scared stiff while staring at his phone, wondering if his voice would betray what he now knew about Reo). 

But he couldn’t avoid Reo forever— the U-20 team was set to play a friendly match against Singapore this week. Reo was flying out of Osaka this time and Nagi out of Tokyo, delaying their reunion for a few hours, but there was no way that the two wouldn’t be spending a lot of time together for the next few days. Just the thought made Nagi’s palms sweat and his stomach turn— it was a blessing that his expressions were so naturally apathetic; if he were a more expressive person, Reo would figure out something was wrong the second that they met.

When the plane finally landed, Nagi pushed the window open. The world seemed to be bathed in a soft pink light from the early morning sun. Nagi pulled out his duffle bag, knowing that Reo was probably waiting for him at the exit, but he still tried to push aside his nervousness. 

Nagi arrived at the baggage claim area where the rest of the team was meeting up, and he easily caught sight of his teammates and Reo in the mix. Reo was facing away from where Nagi just exited and was currently chatting with one of the team’s defenders. The defender glanced over Reo’s shoulder and pointed at Nagi, and Reo turned his head back, making Nagi’s heart jump. He didn’t know how his body might react to the unfiltered sight of Reo’s face— would his heart beat out of his chest? It was impossible to say. 

Reo fully turned back and gave a small wave and a bright smile to Nagi, and Nagi could feel himself return the smile easily. His heartbeat had quickened, but not in the nervous, erratic way that he thought it would. Something like relief filled Nagi— so it wasn’t impossible for Nagi to act like everything was normal. He could genuinely be just happy to see his friend. Nagi padded over to Reo, who gave him a big hug. 

“It’s good to see you,” Reo said, the smile still lingering on his face. 

“You too,” Nagi truthfully replied, admiring the softness in Reo’s eyes. 

Everything was okay. Nothing had to change from how they were at this moment. They could keep being friends.

◇-◈-◇

After the team had their bags taken to the hotel, they were ushered to the stadium where they were given a tour. Reo walked in step with Nagi, chatting about some of the recent work he had been doing for the Mikage corporation. Suddenly, he said, “I forgot to ask— how was Chigiri? I haven’t seen him in forever.”

Nagi thought he felt a sheen of sweat cover his forehead as he remembered the conversation he had with Chigiri. “H- he was fine.” Nagi internally cursed himself for stumbling over his words. Reo was sure to notice a detail like that.

“Really? It kind of seemed off when you said that.”

“Yeah, nothing to worry about…” Nagi wracked his brains for something Chigiri had said about himself. “He said it was weird to be a footballer, but that he was learning a lot. Also that he wanted to overtake us.” Reo grinned at that. 

“We really haven’t stopped being competitive at all.” Reo glanced at the back of Rin’s head. 

“Not at all,” Nagi agreed.

After the tour, the coaches swept the team into a meeting room to discuss tactics against the Singaporean team. A lot of the players seemed to blow off what the head coach was saying; Singapore was low in global rankings, and their performance this season matched that. Annoyed at some of the chattering among the players, the manager slammed his hand against the table, startling the young players. 

“Is it really so easy for you all to assume you’re the best?” The coach’s voice tipped on the edge of fury. “This team will be coming at you with all the willpower that they have. Is it right for you to so easily dismiss it?”

“Japan has risen to the top of football in the world, but we have never been the best. How can you presume to be so arrogant now? They say that Japan is entering a new age of football—” somehow, Nagi seemed to imagine the manager’s gaze lingering over the Blue Lock players, “but with the attitude you have, it may be impossible. You must have the discipline to take every game seriously. Only with that attitude can you grow to be strong.”

The team was silent. 

“Today’s starting line-up: Nabeken, Ando, Mikage, Nagi, Akasaki…” When the coach finished listing the players, he glanced over the line-up. “Give your opponents the courtesy of taking this game seriously. I expect a good performance from all of you.”

And then they were on the field.

During games, Nagi found moments of quietude even amidst the pressure of a competition. Like at the beginning of a game, when he was facing the other team’s goal, looking over the opposition, and all his teammates were out of sight. That separation from everyone else instilled a sense of stillness.

And he _knew_ that all of his teammates worked hard to bring the ball to him: that was a lesson that high school had ingrained in him— football was a team sport. Every chance that he had to score was the result of his teammates’ effort. 

But the silent moments at the front of the field gave him the illusion of solitude.

_To compete and win for my own sake. To play selfishly. To score goals. That’s what Blue Lock taught me._

Then, the referee blew his whistle, and the match started.

Playing felt fluid. Despite the manager’s speech, Nagi felt that even if the team hadn’t been playing at 100%, they would have won. In the first half, their team had scored three goals (Nagi scored one, Akasaki another, and the left winger had scored the last), and the flow was firmly on their side. During half-time, Nagi idly wondered if it was possible to score a hat-trick in the game, but he caught himself. Nagi was falling into the same arrogance that the coach had warned against. 

Back on the field, Singapore tried pressuring them with a little success— one goal against them, but then the Japanese defenders worked overtime to create a solid wall that the opposition couldn’t surpass. The ball quickly went back to his team’s possession, and Reo was currently keeping it. Even though there was a player who had been nipping at Nagi’s heels the whole game, Nagi was sure that he could get rid of his mark.

Nagi called out to Reo for another pass, and Reo glanced up to him. Akasaki, the other striker, was more open than Nagi, but Nagi gave Reo a willful look. He wanted the ball; he could feel an opening for another goal just beyond his mark. The other player was staring at Reo’s feet, expecting Reo to send a direct ground pass, but if Reo sent the ball high, Nagi could trap it with his head and turn quickly to block the ball with his body. His sides were open, and in a few meters, Nagi would be in the strike zone for another goal. The move would require precision, but Nagi could imagine it already playing before his eyes, and every nerve in his body stood alert, ready to perform. With a look, Nagi tried to convey all this to Reo. After a pause, Reo sent back a curt nod.

Reo kicked the ball into a soaring high pass. Perfect. And Nagi’s body _moved_ — the high pass, the subtle touch with his head, the quick turnaround, the ten steps needed to get into the strike zone, and then him swinging his leg back. And he could see the rest of the world reacting to him; the mark trying to catch up to him, the midfielder recognizing the threat Nagi was now, the goalkeeper training his eyes on the ball. But it didn’t matter. Nagi aimed, and the ball fell into a beautiful parabola.

A goal. Nagi turned back to face his teammates, and Reo was there, right behind Nagi, running to tackle him into a hug. It was the second assist Reo had made in the game. The two friends crashed into each other. “Good job!” Reo yelled into his ear over the crowd’s cheers. 

And it felt like a good job. Reo’s current smile recalled memories of high school, when the two of them understood each other so well on the field that they had played with one mind. Not only that, the serious, desperate Reo from Blue Lock was ebbing away into someone who could tackle his teammates out of enthusiasm. Someone who could smile widely after scoring a goal. 

Nagi was overjoyed to see his friend like this.

◇-◈-◇

Later that night, Reo dropped into Nagi’s hotel room. Nagi had known that Reo would come to visit; they were close enough that it was only natural for them to hang out before the next morning, when they would have to depart at the airport. Yet this time, Nagi couldn’t help but feel nervous, as if they were having a secret tryst. Chigiri’s words occupied Nagi’s head again.

Reo had brought a bottle of shōchū, and they passed it back and forth while idly scrolling through whatever on their phones. Sometimes, Reo would make a comment, but it was mostly silent aside from the drama quietly playing on the hotel television. Nagi's head was buzzing from the alcohol, and Chigiri’s words kept ringing in his ears, much to Nagi’s dismay. 

“Did you hear what I said?”

“What’d you say? I was distracted.”

“It looks like Kyoko-chan is dating someone.” Nagi suddenly remembered Reo’s brief fling that Nagi had inadvertently ended, and a number of questions itched to be spilled from the tip of his tongue.

“Are you upset?” Nagi asked, unsure of what answer he was hoping for. If Reo really liked Shinoda-san, then perhaps he didn’t currently like Nagi. Maybe Reo had already gotten over his feelings for Nagi after Blue Lock, and Chigiri supposition was simply outdated information. But then, Nagi remembered how fondly Reo had smiled at him while he wrapped the scarf around Reo’s neck, and Nagi wondered what could be the truth.

“Not really,” Reo said, taking another sip from the bottle before handing it to Nagi. Nagi wondered what he was currently feeling— was it relief? Reo’s face was slightly flushed from the alcohol, and Nagi’s eyes were drawn to his red lips. “I mean, she’s cute, but I mostly thought she was fun to be around. Like a way to not think about everything else going on. Maybe it was good that that ended early.”

The rational part of Nagi knew it would be best to end the conversation with that, but his tongue was feeling loose and uninhibited, and before he could stop himself, he said, “Maybe you’re okay because you like someone else.”

As soon as the words slipped from his tongue, Nagi was splashed with a handful of sobering regret. Reo had gone rigid, but he tried to play it off. “That’s funny. I don’t think there’s anybody else I would be interested in.”

Nagi didn’t reply. He turned back to his phone to play the game that he had paused. 

“You’ve been acting a little weird today, Nagi. Are you alright?” And Nagi probably would have let the question go if Reo hadn’t stretched his hand out and casually placed it on Nagi’s arm. Reo’s palm on Nagi’s bare arm felt impossibly hot, and he couldn’t ignore it or the other burning questions cycling in his brain anymore.

“We’re friends, right?”

Reo withdrew his hand in surprise as if he had suddenly touched a hot stove. “Yes?” But there was an upward tilt in his voice that made the word more a question than an answer. 

Nagi carefully examined Reo’s face, trying to determine if the redness in his cheeks came from alcohol or embarrassment. Reo’s eyes shifted nervously as if he were anticipating what Nagi would say next.

“And you don’t want to be anything more than that.”

Instantly, Reo’s demeanor changed, as if he sobered completely with just that sentence. Even with the drunken flush, the blood had gone from Reo’s face, and his posture stiffened. In a cold tone, Reo said, “Why would you ask that?”

“When I was talking to Chigiri, he said that you were obsessed with me during Blue Lock.”

Reo cursed under his breath but then said, “You mean after you abandoned me? Obsession might be one way of putting it, but hatred would probably be closer to the truth.”

“He said it was because you liked me.” It seemed that Reo had had enough with this conversation, because he suddenly stood up, preparing to storm out of the room. Nagi stood, too, partially blocking off the way out, and Reo glared at the obstruction.

“What the fuck would you know?” Reo said, a sharp edge to his voice. 

Nagi’s stomach dropped at the expletive. He knew that confronting Reo over this would be difficult, but he didn’t imagine it to be quite this bad. Reo’s posture suddenly became unyielding and hard like he was tensing for a fight, and Nagi could see his friend’s hand was balled into a trembling fist. Involuntarily, Nagi felt himself mirroring Reo’s stance.

“So, is it true? Do you like me?”

Reo didn’t respond; instead, he gripped the front of Nagi’s shirt, his eyes blazing with something like murderous intent as he pushed Nagi to the wall. As his back hit the wall, Nagi tightened his fist. The eerie compulsion to _move_ was starting to fill him, but this time, he was imagining how Reo’s face would look when his fist collided with it, and Nagi took in deep, slow breaths to compose himself. They didn’t need to fight over this. It was Reo who had been escalating the situation, but Nagi could choose not to react to it. 

They stayed like that for a second, Nagi’s back flush against the wall, Reo’s hand gripping Nagi’s shirt, the both of them breathing heavily from the adrenaline of a potential fight spilling into their bodies, and Nagi looking into Reo’s eyes— somehow viciously clear in the moment despite the haze of alcohol in their bodies. 

Then, Reo pulled Nagi forward so that instead of Nagi’s fist colliding with Reo, it was his face. Or more accurately, for just a split second, it was their lips that crashed into each other, so short and sudden that Nagi might have imagined it. But then, Reo released his hold on Nagi’s shirt, making the white haired boy fall against the wall, and Reo turned and ran out the door (too quickly for Nagi to follow, even if his limbs weren’t currently frozen with shock). A moment later, it slammed shut, and Nagi was cut off from whatever the fuck had just happened.

 _What the fuck_ , Nagi thought. He sank down, his back still against the wall, trying to piece together the past minute, but all he could focus on was the buzzing sensation he felt on his lips, his pounding heart, and the lightness in his head. Nagi buried his face in his hands.

He thought, _what a horrible first kiss_.

* * *

**Author’s Note:** Ch 1— hand holding. Ch 2— neck touches. Ch 3— face touches. Ch 4— first kiss. You, the reader, staring intently at the mature tag on this fic… where tf is the smut (lol)? 

Some football terminology: jersey number 10 is traditionally known as playmaker/attacking midfielder. Jersey number 9 is traditionally the central striker. I always thought Reo’s skills would be better suited as a midfielder than a striker. Also, I hope that you recognized some of the names from the U-20 team from other football manga!! This summer, I got into a phase of reading a shit ton of football manga (including Blue Lock), and 6 months later, this fic is a result of that. (btw Sakuraba is my favorite (๑´ㅂ`๑) )


	5. Chapter 5

Nagi and Reo didn’t look at each other the next day at the airport, much less talk. Reo had pointedly worn headphones to drown out the world during their departure. When Reo boarded his plane, Nagi was left wondering what could possibly be salvaged from their friendship. 

After so much time, another seemingly impenetrable wall had been raised between them, and Nagi wished someone (even Reo) would berate him for his actions yesterday. The compulsion that drove Nagi to move so excellently in football was the same thing that got him into these wretched situations: impulsively acting without properly thinking things through. When he woke up this morning, Nagi wished he could sink into his bed and realize everything was just a dream, but his slight hangover reminded him that he was stuck in this painful reality.

It had been a mostly sleepless night for Nagi, and the few hours that he could snatch from the Sandman were fitful. Even so, in the morning, Nagi’s brain was working overtime, continuously trying to decipher what had happened and what it meant. A kiss, even a violent one, was confirmation, right? Reo must have liked him in the past, and Reo might like him _now_ if he didn’t hate Nagi for exposing his feelings last night.

But how did Nagi feel about Reo?

Posing the question gave Nagi the feeling of standing on the edge of a cliff; he was frightened by how deep the abyss ahead might be. On the plane, Nagi leaned against the window and bid sleep to come, but instead, his treacherous brain only played memories of Reo on repeat. Reo smiling on the pitch, Nagi jumping on him for a piggy-back ride, the way that Reo held his hand once and how it had made Nagi’s stomach toss and turn. Nagi had always been aware that they didn’t quite act like ‘normal’ friends, but he had always chalked it up to an irreplaceable brotherhood.

He knew for sure that he wanted to keep being friends with Reo, and he thought Reo was reasonable enough that they could eventually be friendly again, but returning to their previous state was an impossible request. Whether Reo acted so intimately from his romantic feelings or simply out of their close friendship, he would never act that way again. Nagi knew this, but it was an unbearable thought that strained his heart.

But asking Reo to continue acting as he usually did would just be leading him on, and Nagi wasn’t so cruel to do that. Nagi wanted to keep the ways that Reo would grab his arm or sneak candy into his hand and the soft smiles that reminded Nagi of sunlight on morning dew, but he couldn’t imagine the thought of escalating their touches to anything more. Even after their kiss, he couldn’t picture what it would be like to _really_ kiss Reo (much less do anything more). 

But the thought of ‘more,’ even if foreign, wasn't _repulsive_. 

Didn’t that mean something, too?

◇-◈-◇

“Chigiri—”

“Please don’t tell me that you’re calling for the reason that I think you are.”

“I confronted Reo.”

A deep groan came from the receiver. “I knew I shouldn’t have picked up. You’d never call for a quick chat or to say hello.” A deep sigh, and then, “Okay, what happened?”

“I asked if he liked me, and he kissed me.”

“What?!”

“I thought we were about to fight, but then he kissed me and ran off.”

“Holy shit.”

“What should I do?”

“The fuck if I know!! Is it just impossible for the two of you to be normal? To have a normal, not obsessive and antagonistic rivalry friendship thing going on? To just do the normal friends to lover sort of romantic arc instead of whatever the fuck this is?”

“...”

“Is he talking to you?”

“No.”

“Do you want to talk to him?”

“... But what would I say?”

“... I mean, what do you want?”

“I want to keep being friends with him.”

Nagi could distinctly hear Chigiri suck in his breath at that. “Well… I guess then you say that.”

“But—”

“There’s nothing you can do except tell the truth. And maybe apologize for being so blunt about it. If Reo says no, then you just have to accept it.”

“But… what if… what if I’m open to it.”

“... What?”

“I mean, I haven’t talked to Reo since confronting him, but— I guess… the thought of being together like that… doesn’t upset me.”

“... Really?”

“...”

“Are you saying that just so you won’t lose Reo as a friend?”

“... I don’t know.”

“If you say something like that without properly thinking it through, you might end up hurting him a lot. But if you’re being serious… it couldn’t hurt to try, right? If it doesn’t work out, then you’ll stop being friends. But as it is now, you probably won’t be friends anyway.”

“So then… is it okay?”

“I never said that. I’m just saying that you should think of Reo’s feelings more.”

“... Okay. Thanks.”

◇-◈-◇

The next time Nagi and Reo met was during the U-20 World Cup. The first few matches would be the qualifying rounds, and the whole week would be arduous; every country’s team was playing games consecutively, and once they passed the qualifying rounds, all the players would be both exhausted and stressed.

Not that Nagi wasn’t already feeling this way— this year, the U-20 World Cup was being hosted in Russia, and the flight from Japan had worn Nagi out. The coaches had given the Japanese players a day to recover before they would do a short period of training. After that, the matches would begin.

Reo seemed tired as well, but he was closing himself off to the world with a set of headphones. The image of Reo curled up in his seat, his arms crossed over his chest with his knees drawn to his chest as he wore an oversized hoodie, filled Nagi with guilt. Everyone else on the team assumed Reo’s arctic demeanor was a combination of being jet-lagged and being worn out from matches back in Japan (after all, it was still the middle of their tournament season), but Nagi knew better. 

Nagi wondered when there might be a good time to finally talk to Reo. It would be better for them to sort out everything before the first match so that it didn’t affect their playing, but somehow, all those thoughts seemed to flee Nagi’s head as soon as he entered his assigned room. Exhaustion from the past week— between Reo, the flight, the recent match he had to play, and the pressure of the U-20 World Cup games— overtook him. Nagi laid down on his bed and barely had the energy to take off his shoes before knocking out.

The next day was unexpectedly more exhausting. The coach made good on his promise of adding extra sets to Nagi’s warm-up, but in addition to that, Nagi found it awkward to be on the field at the same time as Reo, and he could tell that Reo felt the same. He was off-kilter the entire practice; his attention was strained from being hyper-alert to Reo’s position on the field, and he constantly felt himself avoiding his friend. When they were forced to cross paths, the memory of that awkward kiss flared up no matter how much Nagi tried to suppress it. 

In the end, he couldn’t figure out how to bring up that incident with Reo. He went to sleep that day with the same amount of exhaustion as the day prior.

When Nagi woke up the next day, it was because a teammate was pounding on his door.

“Nagi, hurry the fuck up!”

Nagi groaned. After rushing through his morning ablutions and meeting the rest of the team in the hotel lobby, Nagi saw that they were waiting for the manager’s morale booster right before the tactics talk. The manager glared at Nagi, the last to arrive, with a piercing look that promised punishment later, but he quickly set aside his anger for the more important pre-game pep talk.

The manager said, “The world has been speculating about the state of Japanese football ever since Blue Lock. Even if you did not come from that cohort— even if you are anything but a striker— you must know that it is true. We now have the chance to answer those expectations and declare our intentions to be the best in the world.”

The impact of those last words took Nagi’s breath away. _To be the best in the world_. It wasn’t just him and Reo, but the entire team that was striving for this goal. 

“This is your burden and responsibility— to represent Japan and to show that our effort has not gone to waste. We are playing against Ukraine. Historically, we have won about 50% of the time. That is not enough. Today, you need to inflict devastation among your opponents. It must be a 100% chance of winning. Do you understand?”

The team shouted back in affirmation. 

Nagi gave a side-long glance to Reo, but Reo’s eyes were unfocused, and he was staring at a random spot ahead. When Reo realized that Nagi was looking at him, he startled a bit and then hurriedly glanced away, the tips of his ears a furious red. Nagi’s stomach sank a little. It really couldn’t go on like this.

In the locker room, Nagi tried to swallow away his nerves as he approached Reo. Even if he couldn’t forget the way Reo pulled him into a rushed kiss, for the sake of their dream, they both had to set aside the awkward avoidance for now. This first match set the tone for the rest of the tournament; if they faltered here, then what would that mean for their dream? Even amidst their interpersonal turmoil, Nagi wanted to hold onto that rooftop promise. He desperately hoped that Reo felt the same.

Reo still acted distant to the rest of the players, so he stood off to the side in the locker room. Perfect. No one would have to overhear their conversation. Nagi went up to his friend and tapped him lightly on the shoulder, causing the other boy to flinch. When Reo turned back to see who had touched him, his face paled to see Nagi at his side, but he quickly composed himself.

“What is it?” His voice was hard and unyielding. Nagi wanted to sigh even as his heart raced in his ribcage.

“Don’t think about it,” Nagi said. Reo’s furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. Nagi continued, “What happened between us, we can talk about later. But right now, you need to forget that and focus on the game.”

Reo was silent.

Nagi prodded him a little more. “Didn’t you say that you’d take responsibility for our dream?”

Reo’s shoulders sagged a little, and his eyes were filled with a mournful look that discomforted Nagi more. “Of course.”

“Then play like you do.”

That word, _responsibility_... saying it aloud left a bitterness in Nagi’s mouth as if he had chewed chalk, but it seemed to break Reo away from his internal preoccupations. Reo had always given that word a layer of heaviness that Nagi was unable to decipher, and now, there was a sharp look of concentration in Reo’s eyes, and his mouth was set in a firm line. 

Seeing Reo like this always made Nagi’s skin crawl uncomfortably. It was the same look that Reo wore throughout the latter half of Blue Lock. Desperation. 

But Reo always played well when he was like this. That was enough for now.

As the team headed out the field, they were greeted by the Ukranian players sporting bright yellow uniforms. Everyone on the pitch had a hard look to their face, and the air crackled with nervous tension. This was the first match for both teams in the U-20 World Cup, and it was obvious that both teams were hungry for a win. 

In the beginning, the playing had been fairly normal despite the tension fraught in the air, but as the game increasingly inched closer to halftime without either side scoring any goals, nerves became frayed. Nagi noticed the Ukranian players being more aggressive (coming close to outright fouling the Japanese team) while his own teammates reacted similarly. Angry glares and expletives in foreign languages were being traded between players, and Nagi wasn’t immune to the hostile atmosphere. When one of his opponents held out his arm to prevent Nagi from running to the ball, Nagi imagined himself pushing the other player to the turf, and he bit the inside of his cheek to chase the image away. 

At halftime, Nagi entered the locker room with a foul mood, and the atmosphere of his other teammates was hardly better. It was silent, but everyone sported a darkened expression. The manager entered and gave the room a long, slow look. 

“Is that it?” he asked. A few of the players looked up at him with a grim expression, but no one answered his question. He snorted derisively. “This is all the Japanese can muster? After pouring millions of yen into you—” and then he gave a hard stare at the players who had come from Blue Lock; Nagi swallowed as the manager’s gaze was cast over him. “You can’t even make it past the first qualifier game?”

The older man crossed his arms behind his back, waiting expectantly for an answer. Rin stood up and responded accordingly. “Of course we can. We’ll win.”

“I don’t want to hear from someone who failed to meet this expectation.” Rin grit his teeth but didn’t try to talk back. A pressing silence filled the room in a way that suffocated words. 

Finally, Ando, a defender who had been sitting on the bench, replied, “We'll win.” 

The manager gave a curt nod in response, but this display didn’t shift the mood in the locker room. The manager gave a short description of the tactics he wanted to use for the next half, but it was all information recycled from the pre-game talk. The deep look of frustration from face to face hadn’t changed from when Nagi and his teammates first entered the locker room.

Nagi sighed as he stood up to prepare to go out again. His mind felt like the dense, tangled underbrush of a thorny thicket, but it didn’t matter— winning was the only possible outcome for this game. Just as he turned to go back out onto the field, someone tugged on his sleeve. He didn’t have to look back to already know that it’d be Reo. Nagi turned to face a pair of deep purple eyes.

Somehow, Reo’s face was a model of cool stillness, and Nagi wondered if this was the face he wore during countless business meetings full of sabotage and subterfuge. Reo’s fingers hung onto his sleeve for a lingering moment that whispered intimacy, and after a beat of awkward silence, Nagi expected him to release the grasp. But Reo didn’t let go. 

“You can rely on me,” Reo said. His expression was steeled and serious.

Nagi nodded and said, “I want my legs to be tired from scoring so many goals.”

Reo cracked a small smile, Nagi absentmindedly thought that he much preferred this expression to Reo’s serious one.

“I’ll definitely get the ball to you,” Reo said.

Nagi slapped his friend’s back lightly, and they both left for the field again. 

The second half of the game felt like an immediate continuation of the first; the players stumbled into each other more than was strictly necessary, and snarling words were thrown on the field. Nagi tripped over an opponent’s leg, and he fell _hard_ into the pitch with a wince-worthy impact. As he slowly propped himself up (the Ukranian player didn’t bother to extend a helping hand) he heard the player who had tripped him yelling at the referee that had just signaled for a free kick. The referee rolled his eyes— even he was annoyed by the overly hostile atmosphere.

A few minutes after play resumed, a dizzying round of short, quick passes occurred across the Japanese team, and the team pressed closer towards the Ukranian goal. Reo was slightly in front of Nagi, and Rin was up front to the left, trailed by another player. On Nagi’s right side was Akasaki who also had an opponent nipping at his heels. Rin sent another fast pass to Reo to escape a steal from the player crowding him, but it’d only be a moment before Reo was crowded as well.

It dawned on Nagi that he wasn’t being seen now.

Akasaki and Rin were fully engaging the attention of two defenders, and it seemed like the other players ahead of him also couldn’t see him because Reo or Akasaki or Rin were in the way. He was currently in Reo’s blindspot, but if he took a few steps to the left, he would have a direct path into the goal. 

Staring at the back of his friend’s head, against all sensibility, he willed for Reo to somehow see and pass to him. It was impossible though— Reo had no idea that Nagi was in Reo’s blind spot, and if Nagi alerted him to that fact, the other players would also immediately notice and cover him, losing this perfect opportunity. Nagi’s voice hung suspended in his throat for a second, hesitating between calling out and staying hidden. 

Then, he tensed when he noticed Reo’s leg shift, wondering what Reo had chosen. But something was off about the motion; Reo’s foot was at a weird angle to send a direct pass to Akasaki or Rin… and then a sudden realization struck Nagi as a series of images flashed before his eyes, and everything happened so quickly that he could only recall it backwards.

The ball caught in the net, and the solid _thud_ of Nagi’s foot connecting to the ball rang out in his ears, and opponents were moving towards Nagi in slow-motion with expressions suspended somewhere between surprise and determination, and Nagi had taken three steps to the left of Reo so that he was in the perfect position to score, and the ball was at Nagi’s feet, and Reo’s heel struck the ball to kick it behind him— a move that collectively made the field hold their breath because who would be crazy enough to kick the ball into their blind spot?

Except Reo wasn’t shooting blindly. He _knew_. He knew where Nagi would be.

After everything happened and Nagi processed everything in chronological order, he couldn’t help but stare at Reo. How had that pass been so perfect? How had he known? Reo had said earlier, _I’ll definitely get the ball to you_ , but there was something almost supernatural in how they played just now, and it raised goosebumps onto Nagi’s arms. 

Reo met Nagi’s gaze, and some murky, complex feeling was passed between them. Nagi didn’t have words for it, but it stole his breath and sent chills down his spine. It made Nagi flush and his heartbeat quicken, and he couldn’t help but recall the conversation he had with Chigiri before. 

But then the whistle was blown, fragmenting Nagi’s thoughts, and everyone went back into position to play for the next point. 

◇-◈-◇

The game had ended 2-0 as a Japanese win. Rin had scored the other goal with an assist from Nagi (and another pass from Reo before the assist). It had been a thoroughly exhausting game, and when Nagi finally got back to the hotel room, he collapsed on his bed.

The whole team was planning to get dinner and then drinks in about an hour to celebrate the win, and Nagi still hadn’t been able to have a real conversation with Reo. Somehow, after that smoldering look they had shared in the game, Nagi thought that today would be the best time to unravel the knots in their relationship. But it would be better if Nagi wasn’t drunk for the conversation (considering what happened last time), so that meant realistically, now would be the best time to chat, even if he felt utterly dead. 

As Nagi laid sprawled on his bed, he mustered up the resolve to visit Reo. Finally, he sat up, and in a few short moments, Nagi crossed the hallway and knocked on the door to Reo’s hotel room. 

After a long moment, Reo opened the door and took in the sight of Nagi. He didn’t seem surprised at Nagi’s presence, but he definitely wasn’t welcoming— his body still had that tense, unyielding quality from the same night that they had kissed. Reo opened the door widely enough for Nagi to enter, and he gestured to the chair at a desk. Nagi seated himself, watching Reo closely.

Nagi opened his mouth, ready to reveal the conversation that he had with Chigiri, but then Reo interrupted.

“Before you say anything— I want to confess.” The words came out of Reo’s mouth in a rush, and Nagi was stunned into silence from the abruptness of it all. Reo’s face was stained cherry-red with embarrassment, but his mouth was set in a line that could only mean that he was deadly serious. 

“You caught me off guard last time. I kissed you and then left without thinking. I want to do it properly.”

Nagi found himself nodding slowly, but he still couldn’t figure out what to say. This didn’t seem to deter Reo at all.

“I like you, Nagi.” Reo’s face flushed even more saying this, and Nagi thought he could see his friend’s hands tremble in his lap. “I’ve liked you for a long time now. I’ve cherished having you as a friend, but I’ve wanted more for a while. I hope— I hope that you can accept my feelings…” Reo paused for a moment to consider the absurdity of that idea and how swift Nagi’s rejection would be if he ended the sentence there. “But if you can’t, I hope that we can still be friends.”

Something warm like the burn of whisky touched Nagi’s heart— it must have taken a lot of courage for Reo to confess. Thankfully, it had made this conversation a lot easier for Nagi. He replied, “Okay.” 

“Okay,” Reo echoed in a tone as stiff as the confession he had just given, but after a beat of silence, he asked, “Okay?” There was too much ambiguity in what Nagi said, and Reo’s heart was thrumming with nervous anticipation. He took in a slow breath to try and temper his expectations. 

Then, Nagi had to go and open his mouth to shatter them. “Yeah. I accept your feelings.”

Reo mouthed _what_ but he didn’t say it aloud. “Wait,” he sputtered out, and Nagi wanted to laugh from seeing his friend suddenly dizzy with confusion. “Do you realize what you’re saying?”

If Nagi wasn’t so drained, he might find humor in this situation. For the past few days, he had been nothing but distracted over thinking through their relationship, analyzing what it actually meant to be _together_. Nagi wished that he could shout an emphatic _yes_ and shake Reo by the shoulders to get his answer through Reo’s thick skepticism, but he remembered how Chigiri told him to consider Reo’s feelings more. Reo was completely stunned right now, as if he had been transported to an alien world and Nagi was an unknown creature that he couldn’t understand. He would have to be careful with his next words. 

“I don’t think I have the same feelings as you currently, but I still want to accept your feelings. I… I don’t really know what comes next, or where this might go.” Nagi rubbed the back of his neck with his hand. “But, I do want to try with you.”

Reo buried his face into his hands and exhaled loudly. The strain that Reo carried in his shoulders remained even after the explanation. “It’s hard to believe… Why would you…” And then Reo trailed off, too nervous to ask the question.

“I don’t know,” Nagi replied truthfully. Nagi’s eyes were drawn to Reo’s lips which were flushed pink, and he thought once more about that look they had shared in the middle of the game when Nagi had been _seen_ by Reo, and some sort of complicated feeling twisted his insides.

Nagi suddenly felt compelled to be next to Reo, so he sidled up next to Reo and pressed one hand on the bed as he leaned forward. If Reo tilted his head up and Nagi leaned in a bit more, their faces would be inches apart. From this angle, Nagi could see the length of Reo’s lashes and how they arced so nicely. Reo tensed even more from the suggestive pose— any stiffer, and he might become a statue. 

“So what now?” Nagi asked. He couldn’t deny that his heart was beating fast from how close Reo’s face was, but he bet that in this moment, Reo was close to collapsing into nervous wreckage. The tips of Reo’s ears were tinged pink, and Nagi considered how delicately they were curved.

Reo tilted his head back to look into Nagi’s eyes and revealed his flushed face. Nagi didn’t bother to hide his glance at Reo’s lips, but his eyes were suddenly drawn to Reo’s neck as his Adam’s apple bobbed from a nervous swallow. “What are you trying to say?” There was something endearing in the uncertainty in his expression that made Nagi’s heart skip a beat.

“I just thought it was a shame that our first kiss ended up the way it did.”

Incredibly, Reo blushed harder at hearing that, but his eyebrows furrowed in confusion. It was probably too soon for Nagi to say something like that— Reo’s neck must be feeling strained from the emotional whiplash that Nagi was putting him through today. Thinking better of it, Nagi moved to pull away, but then Reo brought a hand up to the side of Nagi’s face, urging him to lean down more. His hand burned where it met the curve of Nagi’s jaw.

“Then let me fix that,” he said, and Nagi found himself closing his eyes and leaning into Reo’s touch, pressing his lips against Reo’s. 

Reo’s lips were soft (and Nagi suddenly remembered the sensation of Reo’s lips brushing the back of his hand), and the way he kissed was slow but insistent. Reo threaded a hand into Nagi’s hair, and the other one rested on the back of Nagi’s neck, reminding Nagi of how Reo had adjusted his collar, sending a pleasant shiver down his spine. Reo pulled both of them down so that Reo was laying on the bed and Nagi was leaned over, one arm to each side of Reo. Reo brushed his tongue against Nagi’s lip, and the wetness made Nagi open his mouth. The kiss grew more demanding and hot as Reo slid his tongue into Nagi’s mouth, and he pulled on Nagi’s hair with some excitement. Nagi felt heat pool into his stomach. 

In a fluid motion, Reo hooked a leg around Nagi’s waist and pulled him in closer so that their bodies were flush on top of each other. With a bit of a start, Nagi realized that Reo was half-hard and that Nagi was growing close to that state. Heat felt omnipresent between them; in the hands holding Nagi’s face, in their mouths as they kissed, in their bodies aligned with each other's. Then, Reo grinded his hips upwards against Nagi’s, and Nagi thought he could hear his stomach drop. A soft groan escaped from his mouth from the friction. He could feel his arousal growing more. 

Reo pulled away from the kiss, and Nagi made a small noise in protest. Reo was a skilled kisser (not that that was particularly surprising), and Nagi wanted to explore his mouth more. But as Nagi gazed over Reo’s face (flushed, his hair slightly askew, eyes half-lidded and wine-dark in intoxicated pleasure, but wonderfully clear in the way that Nagi knew), he thought that he could enjoy this image too.

Reo moved his hip upwards again, dragging the movement out so slowly that Nagi exhaled sharply. Both of them were fully hard now, and the thought of what might come next gave Nagi a slight amount of anxiety. He hadn’t been expecting to have sex today (he didn’t even bring any condoms with him for the trip, and there was the whole logistical matter of _how_ to have gay sex). Nagi pulled away.

Reo glanced down at Nagi’s crotch, where his erection was apparent. “I can give you a blowjob,” he said, his voice deeper than usual, turning Nagi’s stomach in a way that wasn’t unpleasant. It was an alluring suggestion; Reo was evidently skilled with his mouth, and Nagi wondered if that meant he’d be good at giving head. 

“Okay,” Nagi replied breathlessly, and Reo gestured for him to sit on the bed. Reo moved off the bed to sit on his knees in between Nagi’s legs. Reo placed one hand on Nagi’s thigh and unzipped Nagi’s pants, then pressing a hand onto the boxer-briefs covering his cock. It was strange; they had already seen each other naked in the locker room countless times, but there was something distinctly embarrassing in having Reo see him now. But Nagi quickly forgot about that when Reo pressed his mouth to the inside of Nagi’s thighs, sucking the skin, causing Nagi to dig his hands into the bedsheets. 

Reo dragged his tongue up Nagi’s thighs, and Nagi hissed, thinking to himself, _of course Reo would turn out to be a fucking tease_. Reo paused in front of Nagi’s covered cock, and it took all of Nagi’s self-control not to buck his hips into Reo’s warm hand still resting on his hardness. Reo pulled out Nagi’s cock (so slowly that Nagi had to concentrate on every breath just not to jerk his hips), and at the skin contact, Nagi groaned. Reo glanced upwards through his eyelashes. 

“I like the sounds you make,” Reo said, and Nagi was about to give a sharp reply among the lines of _hurry the fuck up_ , but then Reo pressed his tongue against the tip, and Nagi’s remark was cut short by his vision going white hot. Reo took Nagi’s length into his mouth, moving his tongue on the underside, one hand on the shaft, and he moved his head up and down so that the head of Nagi’s cock dragged against the roof of Reo’s mouth. The pleasure was almost blinding.

And suddenly, Reo stopped, and Nagi immediately thought of kicking Reo in the chest. “Look at me,” Reo said in a tone so seductive that Nagi wondered if he actually knew the person sitting in between his legs. Nagi kept one hand gripped into the bedsheets and the other resting on the top of Reo’s head, and as Reo moved back and forth, his eyes often flickered upwards to make contact with Nagi’s.

It was too alluring a sight. After a few short moments, Nagi said, “Fuck, Reo, I’m about to come,” and Reo enveloped his cock with a warm hand, moving it up and down while pressing short, tongue-filled kisses to the tip of his member. And while looking down, Nagi suddenly realized that Reo had been touching himself while giving him head, and somehow, the thought was overwhelming enough to make him finish immediately. As the sharp moment of pleasure eased into warm satisfaction, Nagi looked down at Reo who was still touching himself.

“Are you close?” Nagi asked, and he leaned over, moving his hand towards Reo’s cock. 

“It’s okay. I can finish myself off—” Reo mumbled, but Nagi didn’t pull away. 

“But I want to touch you,” Nagi said. It was true; it hardly seemed fair that Reo had to finish himself off after giving an amazing blowjob. Upon hearing that, Reo stifled something that might have been a moan. 

Reo pulled Nagi’s hand closer to his lap. Nagi tentatively grabbed the base of Reo’s cock, then pumped upwards with a slight twist in his wrist, similar to how he would get himself off. After a few pumps, Reo moaned and his hips jerked upward into Nagi’s hand. Then, Nagi could feel Reo’s hot cum spilling into his palm.

“Ah… sorry,” Reo mumbled again. “Should’ve said I was close.”

Nagi tucked his own penis back into his underwear, zipped up his pants, and padded to the sink to wash the cum off his hand. His head was still dizzy with pleasure. Reo followed after him, washing his own hand of Nagi’s cum, and Nagi glanced back at Reo in the mirror. His face clearly had an expression of post-orgasm bliss, but Nagi doubted that his short handjob could provoke such satisfaction. Maybe Reo liked Nagi more than he had suspected.

“Have you done that before?” Nagi found himself asking. 

“Given a blowjob? No, you’re the first.”

Nagi gave a skeptical hum. “You were really good, though.”

“I’ve thought about it a lot,” Reo said, and then realizing what he said, ducked his head down as a furious blush came to his face. “Not that— I mean, it’s not like I thought this day would come.” Nagi felt a smile come to his face. It was kind of… cute to see Reo like this. But it also felt weird to think of Reo as cute.

“So, who do you think would be the top?” Nagi asked, and he laughed as he watched Reo sputter and his face become even redder. Reo glared at Nagi’s obvious amusement. 

Things felt natural. Sure, Nagi just got off with his best friend in a turn of events that he couldn’t have predicted even a month ago, but… somehow, everything felt alright between the two of them. 

“Shouldn’t we go get dinner with the rest of the team?” Nagi said.

“I’m fucking exhausted right now. Too much happened today.” Nagi smiled a little and lightly kicked Reo’s leg with his foot. After a complaining whine, Reo sighed and headed to his dresser to find an outfit for the night out. Seeing Nagi still linger in his room, he said, “You should go get dressed, too. I’ll come find you and we can leave together.”

Nagi nodded and gave one last look at Reo before leaving the room.

It felt natural. Everything could be okay.

◇-◈-◇

The next World Cup match (against Ecuador) was fraught with tension, and the team squeaked by with a 2-1 win, scoring a goal in the last ten minutes of the second half. Everyone on the field had played as hard as they could, leaving the whole team looking pathetic in their drenched sweat at the end. 

It had been a frustrating game. For almost the entire match, the two teams had been tied, but the pace of the game had been strongly dictated by the Ecuadorian team. It was only through a heroic effort from Nabeken (the Japanese goalkeeper) that they remained tied. Only at the end of the match was Rin able to pull off the play that led to their win, but even that had been unsatisfying to watch. 

When the referee finally blew their whistle, Nagi stood on the field for a bitter moment, trying to calm his frustration. It was only natural that some games would be losses and that some games would be dissatisfying— that was the nature of football. But somehow, it felt like an excuse. It was just as the manager had said at the beginning of the tournament— the rest of the world had expectations for the Japanese team. If any of those watchers had seen this match, even with the win, Nagi knew intuitively that they had failed those expectations.

Nagi wasn’t good enough yet.

Nagi was forced to participate in the post-match interview (much to his aggravation— he only wanted to shower and get back to his hotel room) and he answered reporters brusquely. _How did the game go?_ Poorly. _What makes you say that?_ Our performance was poor today. _What needs to be done to improve_? Nagi didn’t have an answer for that, so he simply shrugged. 

When he was finally released into the locker room, Reo was waiting for him, but Nagi was so irritated that he wasn’t even sure if he wanted to see his friend. Reo hadn’t played in this match (and secretly, Nagi wondered if that was the reason for their poor performance. Perhaps Nagi had relied too much on Reo in past games) so he was perfectly clean. 

“Good work,” Reo said.

Nagi scoffed and peeled his jersey off. 

“We won.”

“It wasn’t enough.” Nagi turned to face Reo. “Don’t lie. You could see it, too.” And Nagi was about to go on an angry rant, but suddenly, Reo took Nagi’s face into his hands and pulled him into a fierce kiss. It was all sensation: hot and wet and sending tingles down to Nagi’s midsection.

As quickly as the kiss had come, Reo pulled away, making a face. “I can taste your sweat. It’s kind of gross,” he deadpanned. 

“Dumb,” Nagi replied, but the edge had been taken from his voice.

“You should clean up and come to my room.”

“Is that a suggestion for something else?”

Reo smiled in a way that made his eyes squint a little. “Only if you want it to be.”

Later, Nagi recalls hands roaming everywhere and lazy kisses from Reo trailing from Nagi’s ear to shoulder. And then Reo brought out condoms and lube (with a flustered face, saying he got them only after that first time they had been together, just in case. And Nagi thought that he had to be careful not to get too used to how adorable Reo could be when embarrassed), and as Nagi spread his fingers inside Reo, heat stirred in his cock as he watched Reo squirm in a mixture of discomfort and pleasure. Even later, when Nagi was thrusting into Reo (Reo’s knuckles white as he gripped the bedsheets, gasping after every thrust, and Nagi desperately doing math in his head to avoid coming so quickly at the lewd sight) all he could feel was heat as skin touched skin, heat with every exhale and stifled moan Reo produced, and heat from how close he was. Even while trying to recite prime numbers in his head, Nagi came too quickly (much to his embarrassment), but Reo simply moved Nagi’s hand to his cock and came in a few strokes. 

In bed, when both of them were hazy from their orgasms, Nagi asked, “So does this mean you’re the bottom?” And Reo threw a pillow at him before calling him stupid.

Nagi’s next question: “Are you gonna be sore tomorrow?”

Reo huffed a little. “How am I supposed to know? This is the first time I’ve done this.”

“But what happens if you are?”

Reo gave him a deadpan stare. “Is that really what you’re thinking about? You’re worried about whether I can play football tomorrow?”

“What else would I be thinking about?”

Reo paused and then said, “We’ve been best friends for years. How are you accepting this so easily? Isn’t it even a little bit weird for you?”

Nagi turned to face Reo. Reo’s eyebrows were pulled together to etch a worried expression on his face, and Nagi instinctively ran a hand through Reo’s long hair to comfort his friend.

“It feels natural, being with you. Honestly, now that we’ve fucked, I’m surprised we didn’t do it sooner.” And Reo flushed and batted away Nagi’s hand, but Nagi could tell that Reo was holding onto a secretive smile.

A little afterwards, when Nagi got up to leave the room, Reo reached out and grabbed his wrist for a moment. Nagi hesitated; he hadn’t expected Reo to be sentimental enough to request him to stay. His friend had an expression of soft earnestness and uncertainty, like he didn’t know if even asking would be reasonable. Nagi ran his hand through Reo’s soft hair again. 

He said, “Wouldn’t it be troubling for two J1 players on the U-20 team to be discovered together? Not to mention, the heir to the Mikage corporation?”

And Reo sighed and released his hold on Nagi, plopping his face onto his pillow. “It shouldn’t matter,” he muttered, but both he and Nagi knew the truth. With a hint of guilt, Nagi left the room.

It became a pattern: the team would play a game, and then they’d fuck. After Ecuador, they played Senegal (1 - 1; a tough game for both teams), then Italy (3-2, and only a win because Rin and Nagi had been in top form), and now, they were waiting to play against Portugal in the semi-finals. Nagi felt a mixture of determination and cold dread. This was the best position that the Japanese U-20 team had been in for decades. Only in 1999, when the Japanese team played in the finals against Spain (and lost), had they done better. That chance for redemption, decades later, was now possible again.

Being at the U-20 World Cup was sensation overload. The terrible fatigue of playing back-to-back games, the constant realization that Nagi had a staggering amount to learn whenever he saw a move that he thought was impossible exectued by an opposing player. There was wonder everywhere, and it was captivating. 

Of course, there was sensation overload in a very different sense. To his delight, Nagi learned that when Reo pulled on his hair while thrusting deeply into him, the pleasure was so overwhelming that it made his knees shake. And that some careful nibbling on his ear and a hot hand on his midsection was a turn-on like no other. That Reo was an awful tease, and when Nagi pulled the same tricks as him, sometimes Nagi would have to smother Reo’s sinful mouth because he could moan _so loudly_ (not that Nagi was complaining).

He also learned that whenever he left Reo’s bed, he was stuck with a lingering sense of guilt that just wouldn’t shake off.

It couldn’t be helped. Reo had once told Nagi, “I don’t want to lose anything right now.” If Nagi stayed too long, Reo would risk just that. 

Then the Portugal game came. The manager was usually a restrained man with a face so stoic that it put Nagi’s to shame, but even he was visibly nervous. Nagi tried to shake off his nerves by concentrating on his free-kicks practice, but the practice couldn’t unravel the jumble of electric emotions. Only Nabeken, the goalkeeper with nerves of steel, seemed remotely calm. Nagi wondered what the Portuguese team was thinking right now— the manager was probably used to this kind of position. Perhaps the pressure wasn’t quite so severe for them. 

On the day of the match, the manager announced the line-up and formation: Both Rin and Reo were starters, and Nagi was set to be a substitute. At hearing the manager’s choice, Nagi bit his lip in frustration. Hadn’t he already proven himself to be worthy of a starting position? And thinking of Reo playing on the world’s stage without him, even for a moment, felt bitter. Their journey was meant to be taken together, or so Nagi told himself.

Nagi had to satisfy himself with watching the game intently on the literal edge of his seat. Next to him, Sakuraba, a short, fiery guy with fantastic dribbling skills who often played as a winger, muttered to himself while watching the kick-off.

“Should’ve been me starting,” Sakuraba said with a cutting tone. It wouldn’t have surprised Nagi to learn that everyone on the bench was thinking the same thing. For now, all he could do was trust in the manager’s choice and wait patiently.

“Do you think we can do it?” Nagi asked Sakuraba. 

The other boy snorted in response. “If I was on the field, Portugal would have no chance. But I don’t see why not. Everyone on the field has some skill.” That was a severe understatement. Nagi turned his attention back to the game.

It was clear that Portugal had momentum from the outset. They were currently leading 1-0 and had unleashed a torrent of attacks that was tiring the Japanese defenders. Nagi wanted to yell at his teammates to counter, but it was obvious that they were trying to do so, and the Portuguese forwards were insanely good at keeping possession. Sakuraba was substituted in (taking Akasaki out), and his general fierce possession of the ball created a chance, but it didn’t change anything. By half-time the game was 2-0, and the prospect of winning became dim. 

Nagi had never thought that he would be the type of player to push the manager to get him to play, but by half-time, he had grown impatient. “Put me in,” he urged. The manager didn’t respond and instead silently watched the game with his mouth set in a hard line. 

Nagi turned his attention onto the game again. Nagi couldn’t figure out what exactly it was that allowed the Portuguese team to dominate the game: true, they had been good at keeping possession, but their players didn’t seem especially faster or more aggressive compared to the Japanese team. Yet shortly afterwards, they almost scored again, if not for the tremendous effort of Nabeken. The manager’s shoulders slumped a little. “Nagi, Nakamura, get ready to play.”

Finally, a chance to prove himself. Nagi’s blood ran hot as he started warming up, but he wasn’t sure exactly how to lead an attack that would end in a goal. As Nagi stepped up to the field, he gave a look to Reo whose face was carved with cold determination. Throughout the game, he had that same steely-eyed gaze of desperation that had become standard for these matches. Reo returned the glance with a curt nod.

As Nagi came onto the field, Rin said. “Watch out for the defense.”

When they were finally able to steal the ball back, Nagi finally understood what Rin meant. As a striker, Nagi’s attention naturally was pulled towards the attackers, but when he, Rin, and Sakuraba approached the Portuguese goal, the Portuguese midfielders immediately pulled back and fluidly filled in the space, compressing where Nagi could possibly play to. So not only was the Portuguese team good at maintaining possession, they were also good at forcing situations that would allow them to regain it, which was why Japan hadn’t scored yet. 

Really, it meant that Nagi and the other attackers were too weak if they couldn’t overcome the solid Portuguese defense. Nagi couldn’t let that happen; if he had to evolve in the middle of a game, so be it. Nagi was sure that at this moment, Reo was watching his back. They needed to win the World Cup (even if it was only the U-20 one). Their dream was so close. 

Nagi passed to Sakuraba who was able to cut in with another fancy dribble, dodging two defenders before taking a shot at the goal, but it bounced off the last defender. Nagi, along with two other players, raced towards where the ball would land when suddenly Rin jumped in from nowhere and pushed in a header. The ball whizzed past the goalkeeper, and Sakuraba pumped his arms into the air. Finally, a goal. 

It was the only one that they scored in the game.

They lost 3-1.

The entire team had been struck into an uneasy stupor by the time the final whistle had blown, but for Nagi, there was something familiar in the feeling. Throughout the game, he had seen some amazing set plays by the Portuguese team, and facing against their defenders jolted him out of the comfortable position he had settled into by being part of Japan’s U-20 national team. 

There was still more.

Even though the game had whittled him down physically, something charged was buzzing in Nagi’s fingertips, and he recognized the feeling as the same as when Isagi’s team beat Nagi’s that very first time during Blue Lock. When first he realized how expansive football’s horizon was and that he could one day find himself running close to the edge of that world. It was the same frustration of failing to find that edge— to play sincerely, with all of his heart and body, and to lose. Instinctively, Nagi looked at Reo.

Reo seemed still mired in the exhaustion of defeat based on how dark and stormy his eyes looked. When he caught Nagi’s eyes, suddenly, Reo’s glazed over with tears. Nagi’s heart clenched, and he walked over to his friend to give a hug that Reo almost collapsed into. Reo’s arms held onto Nagi’s back tightly as if searching for solid footing against a dream rapidly eroding in front of him, and Nagi could feel the shaky breaths he was releasing against his shoulder. 

“I couldn’t do it,” Reo said, and on the last syllable, his breath hitched from suppressing a sob. “I wasn’t good enough.”

Nagi’s pulled away from Reo so that they could see each other’s faces once again, and Reo hurriedly wiped away the tears forming in the corners of his eyes. Reo was upset by their loss and the realization that the distance between him and their dream had been revealed to be so wide, but Nagi could only feel something like anticipation for all the future games they would play. There was still so much more to learn. 

“We fought our all and still lost… It’s frustrating.” Nagi said, and a complex emotion crossed over Reo’s face again. Reo must have also been reminded of that time when they first lost during Blue Lock.

“I think I love football,” Nagi said, recalling that promise from years ago, when Reo had said, _as part of my gratitude, I want to teach you a football that you love_. Reo had been true to his word; through Reo, Nagi had found something that could captivate the entirety of his life. 

After Nagi spoke, Reo stiffened for a moment, and strangely, his expression became even more complicated than before, and he seemed to exude a frozen air that completely shut out Nagi. Nagi was about to ask what was wrong, but the iciness disappeared as quickly as it came, and Reo gave a small smile.

“I was surprised. I didn’t know if I’d ever hear that from you.”

“But it’s true. And you taught me this football.”

Reo shook his head slightly. “I only introduced you to it. You taught yourself.”

“There’s a lot more to learn,” Nagi said, his eyes distant. Reo returned his statement with a small nod.

* * *

  
**Author’s Note:** About the _*ahem*_ activities of this chapter.... ∠( ᐛ 」∠)＿

Side note, the most fun thing to write & reread in this entire fic was the phone conversation w Chigiri. Here’s to Chigiri knocking some sense into the incredibly emotionally dumb boy, Nagi. It's too bad that they lost the U-20 World Cup, but semi-finals is a really good position! 


	6. Chapter 6

When Nagi returned to the clubhouse in Saitama, he was immediately greeted with an arm hooked around his shoulders and a set of knuckles mussing up his hair. Outwardly, Nagi grimaced, but he couldn't deny being happy to meet his teammates again.

Miki, who had glomped onto Nagi with the energy of an enthusiastic dog, bounced up and down, demanding Nagi to spill everything that happened in Russia. Yuuichi watched the scene unfold nearby, and several other teammates crowded around Nagi.

“Welcome back,” Yuuichi said, and Nagi nodded. Suddenly, Miki threw his weight onto Nagi, and the rest of the team took this as a cue to pile onto him as well. After struggling to extricate himself from the human mountain and greeting everyone, Miki finally unglued himself from Nagi’s side and started chattering away. 

“We heard that you made it to the semi-finals! It’s _incredible_ — it’s been years since Japan has made it that far.” After a hearty back slap that made Nagi cough, Miki said, “You must have been pulling the whole team to that point. It was surprising to hear you didn’t start in the game against Portugal. I wonder what that idiot manager was thinking…”

Yuuichi studied Nagi more seriously. “It’s good that you got a lot of experience playing other teams. You just came back, but there’s not a lot of time for you to relax… we’re still in the middle of the season, and there are more games to play.”

Miki waved a hand dismissively that made Yuuichi quirk an eyebrow upwards. “Don’t listen to that old man! We’re in 4th place right now, so you can relax a little. The team can support itself without a rookie like you. Besides, there are more important things at hand.”

Nagi was hesitant to ask, but Miki had an expectant look on his face, and he repeatedly nudged Nagi’s arm with a sharp elbow. “Like what?” Nagi said.

“You should’ve seen all the fanmail you got since you were away. It seems that your face is popular among both girls and older women.” Even after saying that, Miki hadn’t stopped his nudging, and Nagi huffed a little. “You’re still not interested? Maybe you met a Russian bombshell at the World Cup?”

When Miki brought up the topic, Nagi had immediately thought of Reo, and his heart squeezed. It had only been a few days since they had left Russia, but Nagi already missed his friend (lover? labels were confusing between them, now). They hadn’t departed in the best condition, either— it seemed that Reo had really taken the final loss hard. 

After sensing Nagi’s contemplation, Miki shouted “Ah! You didn’t answer! Am I right? You finally met someone?” Even Yuuichi had perked up and was waiting for Nagi’s response. Miki grinned. “You’re blushing— there must be! Who is it? Is she cute?”

“If I knew you were spending all your free time gossiping, I’d make you run more laps,” a rough voice behind them said, and Nagi turned around to see that the Red’s manager had crept up behind them. Miki startled and pulled away from Nagi, quickly fixing his face into something respectful and solemn. The manager snorted at the fatuous display.

Then, the manager said, “Nagi, welcome back. I saw your performance during the games. Your form has gotten better.” Nagi bowed shortly at the compliment.

The manager glanced at the rest of the team. “Do you all have so much time to laze around? Get on the field. We’re starting practice now.”

At his command, everyone moved out of the clubhouse. Before Nagi followed everyone out, he looked back at the manager who was considering him with a heavy stare. 

Nagi felt like a fish in water as he followed drills and routines during practice. He had gotten used to the rest of the team and their playstyle after over a season of playing with them, so everything flowed easily as they ran drills. After practice, the manager pulled Nagi aside with the same heavy expression he wore before. Nagi tried to think back on today: although he had made a few mistakes, nothing had been so bad to warrant any deep criticism, but the manager’s silence seemed to indicate a looming topic to be discussed.

They headed to an empty room in the clubhouse, and the manager shut the door behind them. He directed a level look to Nagi, and Nagi swallowed. 

“Tell me about Mikage Reo.”

Nagi’s heart went into overdrive, and even though the manager was waiting expectantly for an answer, Nagi felt as if someone had reached deep into his throat and plugged it with cotton. 

Had they been discovered?

The manager had overheard the conversation with Miki, and his serious demeanour now seemed to indicate that he _knew_. A solid pit formed in Nagi’s stomach, and he felt like he was sinking helplessly. His brain was scattered between trying to scramble up an explanation on the spot and trying to figure out how they had been exposed— Nagi had been so careful. Perhaps it would be best to prostrate himself in front of the manager and beg for forgiveness (Was that really necessary? Nagi didn’t know of any rules prohibiting relations between players… but if this was leaked, it would undoubtedly affect Reo). Nagi had no idea how to act in the face in such a bitterly desperate situation.

It was Nagi’s fault— he had ruined everything for Reo. How could he ever face his friend again?

“You look like someone just died.” The manager remarked. “Is he really that bad? The two of you play excellently on the field together.”

“What?” Nagi mumbled. He couldn’t understand where the conversation was going. 

“We’re thinking of acquiring him for the team.”

Like a sudden spring breeze, the heaviness inside Nagi lifted, and all the pressure on his chest released so that he could finally breathe again. He felt so relieved that he couldn’t even muster up excitement over what the manager just said. Nagi said, “Reo is a capable midfielder and he’s skilled at starting attacks on the field. I’m his close friend, but I’m saying this without bias. He would be an asset on this team.”

The manager pressed the tip of a pen against his lip in severe contemplation and nodded slowly. Then, he said, “Nagi, we acquired you straight from Blue Lock with high expectations. So far, you’ve been able to meet them, and in some cases, exceed them.” Nagi stilled himself. It wasn’t often that the manager would give outright praise. This conversation was giving him enough emotional whiplash for his neck to start aching. 

“I’ve seen how you played with Mikage-san during the World Cup games. You must recognize it as well; the connection you two have as players is special. I think it’s possible for it to become a cornerstone of the football that the Urawa Reds will play in the future. Or rather…” And then the manager seemed hesitant to continue, but he finally said, “The two of you have the chance of becoming a pair that is representative of Japanese football.”

The statement snatched Nagi’s breath away. The manager gave Nagi a steady, serious gaze.

“Would it be worth it, to bring Mikage Reo onto this team? Can you meet this expectation as well?”

At that moment, Nagi fervidly wished that Reo was standing beside him with their two hands intertwined, sharing the immense weight of the manager’s words like a planet on Atlas’ shoulders. Basking in the electrifying acknowledgement that they really could become the best, Nagi could feel that the dream that they had been grasping onto for so long was starting to bloom like a seed in their hands. The next words came easily. 

“Yes. We won’t disappoint you.” 

The manager scoffed and replied, “Don’t say that too casually. You two still have a lot of ways you need to mature.” Then, he said, “I’ll take the chance on him. You can go now.”

Nagi bowed slightly and left the room, shutting the door behind him.

As soon as he left the manager’s eyesight, Nagi doubled over, his heart racing. Nagi found a quiet corner in the clubhouse and pulled out his phone, not hesitating to tell Reo about the news. The line clicked, and Nagi heard his best friend’s voice.

“Nagi. What’s up?” Reo’s voice sounded like dappled sunlight, so warm and casual. Nagi realized that he missed Reo despite it only being a few days since they had least seen each other. He must have reflected a little too long, because Reo then said, “Are you still there?” with a wrinkle of worry in his voice.

“Reo, what do you think about the Reds?”

Reo chuckled, and the sound was musical. “Did you really call to hear me compliment your teammates? You guys are doing well— better than Osaka this season.”

“What if you played on it?”

“You really think I would play for the most hated team in the league? I have a public image to preserve.” Reo laughed a little, but at sensing Nagi’s silence, he cut his amusement short. 

“I’m being serious, Reo.”

A stunned silence came from the other side. 

“The manager is thinking of making an offer to you as part of a mid-season trade.” 

“That’s…”

“I want you to be here.” Nagi wondered how many ways he meant that phrase. He never found his apartment in Saitama to be aching in solitude, but Reo’s presence would warm its bare walls considerably.

Reo sighed loudly. “It feels dangerous.” Nagi’s ears pricked at that, but he didn’t interrupt. “I like you a lot, Nagi. If we’re together all the time…” Something like butterflies fluttered in Nagi’s stomach upon hearing Reo’s admission. 

“I like you, too,” Nagi said, and he wondered what Reo’s face was like on the other side. He’d probably be blushing furiously, holding a hand to his mouth after that confession.

“... Fine. If the offer comes, I’ll accept it,” Reo said in a defeated tone, and Nagi found himself smiling and his heart giddy.

“You’ll like it here! It’s close to Tokyo, and everyone on the team is nice, except maybe the manager. And you’ll get a better player salary on this team.” Reo laughed at the last part and said he didn’t need any more money. Then, they fell into comfortable conversation before hanging up an hour later. 

It was dark outside the clubhouse now. As Nagi got into his car to drive back to his apartment, he couldn’t put Reo out of his mind. 

◇-◈-◇

The team received news of Reo’s transfer with great fanfare for one reason: Nagi’s normally impassive face brightened a shade every time his name was mentioned. It gave Miki a minor heart attack. 

“Yuu-kun, Yuu-kun!! Come quick!!” Of course, Yuuichi could not be persuaded by mere words, and Miki had to drag him close to Nagi. Miki made an exaggerated gesture at Nagi, as if he were showing off a new car, and said, “Isn’t it precious?” Nagi rolled his eyes, and Yuuichi brushed off Miki’s grip. 

“Noooo,” he whined. “You should have seen Nagi-kun! Look at how sweet his face becomes when I say it—” Miki took a big breath and said, “Mikage Reo.” Nagi wondered if murder would be an appropriate reaction to this situation. Seeing Nagi’s unchanging expression, he tried again. “Mikage Reo!” Yuuichi snorted as Nagi kept his face cold. 

“Really, though, when the manager said that name, you should’ve seen Nagi-kun’s expression! It was so cute!!!” Miki sighed dramatically. “I wish I had a friendship like that… an unbreakable brotherhood…”

“If your personality were a little more tolerable, you might have had a chance at that,” Yuuichi said. 

Miki stuck out his bottom lip. “If _your_ personality was better, I might have offered you the position.” 

“I would reject it immediately.” 

Finally, with this exchange, Nagi broke his stoic expression and laughed, and Miki squealed with delight while tackling the younger player. 

Reo, true to his word, accepted the transfer. A younger player from Brazil was also accepted onto the team, and there was some bittersweetness to Nagi losing his role as the rookie. He was reminded of last year, coming fresh out of Blue Lock, and the challenge of having to assert his place on the team as well as the comfort of older players guiding him through the beginning of his football career. In a short time, he had grown a lot.

Reo arrived, and when Nagi’s eyes took in Reo’s figure, his heart eased like he had suddenly come home. Their gazes locked together, Reo’s mouth spread into a wide grin, and he ran and jumped onto Nagi, just like back in high school whenever Nagi scored a goal. Nagi let himself fall to the ground with a smile that came to his lips as easily as the sun shining on his face. He could hear a distant ‘so unfair! Nagi-kun would punch me if I tried that,’ but he was focused solely on the person in front of him. 

Suddenly, Nagi felt his fingers being pried apart as Reo slipped something into his palm. At a glance, he could see the familiar pink packaging of a strawberry milk candy. They made eye contact again, and a laugh bubbled up in Nagi’s throat (a strange, but not totally unfamiliar sound to the team). Reo easily joined in, his indigo eyes dancing with warmth.

The look they shared had a secret acknowledgement to it: _We’re here now_. The past years had been a continuous struggle through the muck of football and competition, striving to inch closer and closer to their goal, and now, they were finally here. There was a quiet, warm flame nestled in Nagi’s heart, and he hoped that he could tend it for the rest of his life. He thought about leaning in just a little more to kiss Reo, but the manager suddenly sharply shouted, and with a jolt, Nagi was reminded that he was on the field, surrounded by his teammates.

“You two are obviously acquainted,” the manager said, staring at Nagi and Reo judgmentally. With a little embarrassment, Reo pulled himself off Nagi and stood before the team. “I hope that you can learn to restrain yourself, but if not, we can drill that skill into you.”

Reo gave a side-long glance at Nagi asking with his eyes, _is he always like this_? Nagi returned a short nod. Then, the manager told Reo to introduce himself. The Brazilian player, Lucas, also arrived that day, and he introduced himself as well. After that, the manager put them through a practice round to see how Reo and Lucas would perform on the team. The day ended uneventfully, and after practice, the manager pulled Reo and Lucas to the clubroom to chat. Nagi ended up waiting in the clubroom’s lounge area for Reo.

Reo walked out the room in a kind of daze, and Lucas trailed after him in a similar manner.

“Is it bad?” Nagi asked the two of them (in the poor English he was forced to learn during high school and Blue Lock— Reo had always urged him to practice more, but Nagi was too lazy to try). 

Lucas responded with a shy, uncertain smile. “He says my defense has many gaps.” As someone scouted for his defensive potential, it was a harsh criticism; Nagi personally had thought Lucas had done a fair job of fending off the older players today during practice. 

“The manager told me that I should be an attacking midfielder.”

Nagi couldn’t tell if Reo was particularly troubled over that: he had entered Blue Lock aiming to be a striker, but right after Blue Lock, he was scouted as a midfielder, and he played that role again on the U-20 team. Reo never voiced his dissatisfaction with playing this position, but perhaps he secretly yearned to be at the very front of the attack. Nagi resolved to ask Reo about it later.

Nagi said, “The team wants to have dinner together tomorrow.” Lucas smiled and thanked him for relaying that information and then left with the international liaison of the team. Reo followed in step behind Nagi.

“Did you decide to get an apartment in Saitama?”

“My father is still insisting, but this place is only 40 minutes away from my apartment in Tokyo. It seems like a waste.”

“You can just stay at my place.”

“Do you have an extra bedroom?”

“No, but it’s not like we need one.” 

Reo stiffened. “Are you asking me to move in?”

Ah. It certainly seemed like that, but when Reo posed the question, the atmosphere suddenly turned suffocatingly cold. Nagi tried to backtrack. “I meant just for tonight. Or for however long it takes you to find a place in Saitama.” Nagi thought it through again and said, “Yeah, it’d probably be weird if you were living with me in a one-bedroom apartment. It’d make for a bad story— two football players on the same team living with each other.”

Reo was silent for a long time, and Nagi wondered what might be going through his mind.

He finally replied, “I’ll stay over tonight.” And Nagi gave an internal sigh of relief. “Before we head over to your place, can we get dinner and go to a bookstore? I didn’t get to bring any books back from Osaka.”

After udon for dinner, they ended up browsing a bookstore a block away. It was strangely quiet, and Nagi found himself wondering about the accompaniment of people that had recently surrounded Reo. 

“What happened to your bodyguards?”

Reo plucked a random art book off the shelf and landed on a page about ancient Chinese porcelain. “I told my dad that I couldn’t concentrate as well on football with them around and that I’d only use them during the offseason.”

It sounded like good news. “If he let you do that… does that mean he wants to support your goals, now?”

A sarcastic smile turned the corners of Reo’s mouth. After a few pages of blue and white ceramics, he shelved the book away. “Not really. It’s just that football is a very public position, and he wouldn’t want me to fail when so many eyes are watching me.”

That answer plucked a discordant note from Nagi’s heartstrings. At the shirt shop, when Reo had been solemnly judging different fabrics and colors for Nagi, was this the thing at the forefront of his mind— the many penetrating gazes that constantly framed him within their sights? Reo had used the word _responsibility_ , and Nagi once turned that word on him as well. Nagi couldn’t quite grasp what it meant, but perhaps it referred to the weight of these eyes.

Again, Nagi strengthened the resolve in his heart to be stronger to support Reo in his dreams.

Reo had pulled out another book; this time a travel guide with top tourist locations from every country. Nagi found his mind drifting to the game against Portugal. “Do you want to go abroad?” Nagi asked as Reo casually flipped through the book.

“Like for a vacation? I wouldn’t mind going. Is there somewhere in particular that you wanna visit?”

It was cute how Reo immediately thought that Nagi was asking to go on a vacation together, even if that wasn’t the point that Nagi was trying to make. Nagi rested his chin on Reo’s shoulder to look over the images of distant places. The Carribean, Honduras, Turkey… Pictures of soft-sanded beaches and blue skies passed by. On second thought, Nagi wondered if a vacation would be a good way to force Reo to take a break. 

“I mean for football,” Nagi said. Reo must have been caught off guard because his hand froze for a moment. 

“You mean like Isagi... You want to play abroad, too?”

Isagi was currently in a completely different place, competing with so many different types of people. Something like jealousy stirred in Nagi’s stomach when he pondered the new techniques and plays Isagi must be experiencing now. 

“Maybe he was right. Maybe it’s better to be abroad to grow stronger.”

Reo didn’t respond. He slowly flipped through the remaining pages so Nagi’s eyes could linger over their images. 

Nagi said, “Football can really be so incredible… I wonder if I can experience more of it— if I go abroad, then maybe I can play more interesting games.”

“The games in Japan are interesting.”

Nagi found himself subtly shaking his head. “They are… I learn a lot, and they’re challenging, but I keep wondering what else there could be. We’ve only played a few games with teams around the world, but it feels so different. There must be many sides to football that we don’t see.”

Reo’s voice was quiet when he spoke again. “You really love football.”

“Yeah.”

Reo didn’t end up buying any books, and they returned to Nagi’s apartment. As soon as the door shut, Reo pressed his hands against Nagi’s body and leaned into Nagi to make a trail of wet kisses on his neck. The suddenness of Reo’s actions made Nagi’s eyes flicker more widely with surprise, but he easily relaxed into Reo’s touch and let a low heat roil through his body. 

“Did you miss me that much?” Reo pulled away from his neck, and Nagi took in his deep purple eyes, so dark that they looked like bruises. His lips covered in a thin sheen of saliva looking utterly kissable, and Nagi was about to meet them when Reo responded.

“You wouldn’t know.” Then, he pulled Nagi into a deep kiss, his tongue chasing Nagi’s in a breathless way, and when they pulled apart, Nagi had to gasp to catch his breath, but Reo pulled him in for another, fiercer kiss that had Nagi stumbling into the wall as his legs went weak.

Reo pulled Nagi’s shirt up, pressed one hand against his abs, and then lowered his mouth to a nipple, flicking his tongue against it in a way that had Nagi hiss. Reo fully wrapped his lips around the nub and lightly scraped his teeth against it, and the hand on Nagi’s abs roamed down to dip in between his hips. Nagi’s heart pounded and breath stuttered as Reo sucked persistently from one nipple to the other. Before Nagi could register it, Reo had pulled Nagi’s cock out from his pants and was already on his knees. 

“You’re moving fast,” Nagi said breathlessly as Reo lightly gripped the flushed cock that had a bead of precum glistening on its tip. Reo glanced up through his thick eyelashes with those piercingly clear eyes that always brought Nagi’s heart to a stop. Nagi was starting to regret speaking— it was torture to watch Reo’s soft, red lips do nothing just inches away from his cock. Still, he found himself saying, “We can go slowly... it’s not like I have to leave.”

Unspoken, _it’s not like I have to leave like before_ , in the way that Nagi would straighten his hair and fix his askew collar after a rushed fumbling in bed; Reo’s eyes lingering on his figure, wanting to say something that he knew he couldn’t say; the dredges of guilt clouding around Nagi as he shut the door quietly on his way out. They wouldn’t have to do that again.

“I’m the one who would stay,” Reo said in his matter-of-fact way that Nagi would chuckle at if he wasn’t thinking almost exclusively with his dick right now. Reo wasn’t wrong— it was his choice to either leave or stay in Nagi’s apartment after their covert… activities, but somehow, it felt like Reo was trying to say something more. And then Reo wrapped his lips against the tip of Nagi’s cock, and Nagi knocked his head back against the wall. 

Later in bed, after Reo had gripped Nagi’s hips in a way that was sure to bruise the next day and Nagi wondered if the white-hot pleasure that he felt as Reo thrusted into him was a telltale sign of heaven existing; after the half luscious makeout, half inadvertent waterboarding session in the shower with one too many elbows to the gut as Nagi tried to monopolize the space under the hot water, when Reo was nestled into Nagi’s arms, his nose nuzzled into Nagi’s collarbone, legs tangled, breath even as he slept soundly, and Nagi tried to breathe quietly because he worried that even one wayward exhale might sound Reo awake, Nagi mulled over what the warmth in his chest might be. 

If he lingered over it, he might call it love. 

He didn’t linger.

◇-◈-◇

Nagi was itching to play with Reo as a teammate rather than as an adversary, but he soon realized that his desire might not be fulfilled within this season. For one, the manager still rarely played Nagi as a starter; it was more likely for him to play in the last 20 minutes of a match after the Reds had already accumulated a lead. The manager was clearly sending Nagi in to garner playing experience rather than trying to use him to actually score, and the feeling flayed at his heart. 

Second, although it was clear that he and Nagi played well together, Reo was still awkwardly trying to find his place among the other teammates. He had been readily welcomed by the team: his charming smile (sometimes making his teammates’ knees weak) and lively personality (contrasted against Nagi’s often cold, indifferent demeanor) allowed Reo to easily take the spot of favorite kouhai in the team. In a way, it was convenient for Reo to be doted on— when Nagi was annoyed with Miki’s attention, he could deflect it easily onto Reo or Lucas. (That being said, Miki found teasing Nagi to be much more fun than playing with Reo, so his troubles weren’t completely over yet). 

The personal rapport that Reo developed somehow didn’t translate onto the field. This wasn’t to say that Reo was _bad_ at playing— his high specs allowed him to deploy countless strategies in the middle of matches that sometimes resulted in stunning plays. It’s just that Reo would often incorrectly anticipate his teammates movements: sending a pass to an empty spot and then allowing the free ball to be stolen by the opposition, or failing to recognize when his teammates wanted the ball and missing opportune moments for scoring. 

Perhaps it was unfair to harshly judge Reo on this note. After all, he had been playing with Gamba Osaka for over a year and he had probably grown accustomed to _those_ players’ habits. It had only been a little over a week that Reo joined the Reds. Expecting him to learn the nuances of another team so suddenly might be too much. 

But then, when Reo sent passes to Nagi, the whole team was shaken by the confidence and fluidity with which Nagi handled the ball, and it felt like the ball fell at Nagi’s feet as if it were predestined to do so. Just a few moments later, they would be shaken again by how laughably amateur another one of Reo’s passes would be. The disparity tweaked Nagi’s nerves, but he decided to say nothing and be patient for now. 

Nagi wondered what the manager thought as he watched Reo play. Although he didn’t restrain himself from pointing out Reo’s flaws, he also wasn’t overly harsh. His eyes often squinted when watching Reo stumble, and once, he even shook his head, but he never uttered the word _disappointment_. After every practice, the manager called Reo into the clubhouse, presumably for a lecture, but Nagi was unable to fish out details of their talks from Reo.

Unexpectedly, for the next game against the Kashima Antlers (Rin’s current team), the manager called on Reo to be a starter. Nagi had been instructed to sit on the bench for the game, but he tried not to take it to heart; it seemed likely that the manager was trying to force Reo’s growth with the pressure of an actual game.

In the locker room, Nagi admired how Reo looked in the bright crimson of their uniform. As the manager gave his usual missives before the game, Nagi noticed a nervous, tense line to Reo’s shoulders. It had been leaked among the team that the press was anticipating Reo’s first performance on his new team— if he did badly, he would likely face a lot of criticism. Even if the manager intended to hone Reo’s ability using pressure, currently, Reo looked far from ready to play. His skin was clammy-pale, and his eyes were muddled with internalized anxiety. Nagi could tell that he was trying to psyche himself up but was continuously failing.

Nagi slipped his hand into Reo’s and squeezed it softly, and Reo turned to him with slight surprise. Even though the entire team knew they were close friends, Nagi often found himself restraining from little shows of affection in public.

“Don’t think about anyone else,” Nagi whispered, low enough so that nobody else could hear. “Just play for yourself.” He carefully watched Reo, to see if his words provided any comfort, but even though the corners of Reo’s mouth softened, the nervousness in his eyes remained. Reo pulled his hand out of Nagi’s grasp and gave a small nod before heading out to the field with the other starters, and Nagi trailed behind to sit on the bench. 

Even though it was a home game, the stadium was packed with ardent fans from both teams who exploded into sound as the players stepped out and waved to the crowd. It was a contentious match: the Reds were currently still in 4th place in the tournament, trailing close behind the Antlers, who were in 3rd. If they won this game, they could overtake the other team, puting the Reds in a good spot to win the entire tournament.

It was probably unfair to debut Reo under these extremely pressured circumstances— if the team lost today, there’d be no doubt that Reo’s poor performance would be endlessly criticized. Before, when Reo was playing poorly in consecutive games, countless football fans would flood online forums with comments like ` _dumb rich kid probably bought his position on the football team. he doesn’t even know his left foot from his right`._ Seeing as Reo just joined the most hated team in the league, the comments could only get worse from there.

The game started, and from what Nagi could see, Reo seemed to be playing steadily. The other team currently had the ball, but Reo was diligently considering his position and his teammates’ while also concentrating on where the ball was. The Nagi’s nervousness for Reo started to dispel. Reo didn’t need an outstanding performance today; he only had to be a solid support to the other players. If he could do that much, then that meant he had found his place on the team.

Rin came swooping down the field with his long, graceful legs, and Nagi swore that 20,000 pairs of eyes were immediately drawn to his figure. No matter how Rin ran, he was beautiful. Right now, he was loping like a gazelle through grass, his form impeccable as he cut through the field like a hot knife through butter. Even when Rin ran harshly, it evoked an image of a tiger pouncing after its prey— power rippling through his muscles like a monster.

As Rin cut into the other team, it seemed that Reo was instructed to mark Rin by the captain, and Nagi swallowed. Too many times in Blue Lock had he witnessed Rin overpower all his opponents, and even during the U-20 games, Rin’s presence was overwhelming. If Reo had to focus his attention in restraining Rin, things would become undoubtedly difficult for him. 

Nagi watched his prediction play out in real time. The ball was maneuvered up the field to where Rin had broken through, and Reo ran alongside Rin, cutting off his access to the ball. Nagi wished he was closer to the field— was Rin wearing a strained expression; was Reo full of frustration? From far away, he could only see the two players stumble after the ball until Reo kicked it out from Rin’s legs. 

Soon enough, another match-up happened between Rin and Reo, but the crowd of players obstructed Nagi seeing the action. Something complicated must have happened because suddenly, Rin broke through with a burst of speed, and the other striker and wingback traded one-two passes that no one could catch up to. Nagi leaned over the edge of his seat. The ball suddenly shot out towards the goal, but the Red’s keeper caught it and held it against his body. 

What happened? Nagi glanced up at the manager whose mouth was set in a deep frown.

When Nagi drew his eyes back to Reo, he could see it this time— the same clumsiness as earlier in the season, when Reo played with Gamba Osaka. Perhaps it had been Rin’s play just now that confused Reo— trying to keep track of his teammates, the ball, and Rin might have been too much. Nagi cursed silently. There’s no way that Rin wouldn’t catch onto Reo’s condition if he hadn’t already. If Reo didn’t adjust quickly, the rest of the game would become brutal for him.

In another ten minutes, another two direct shots at the Red’s goal were made, and Nagi’s heart sunk. The opposition hadn’t scored yet, but if the game continued as it had been, then it seemed inevitable that the Kashima Antlers would win. It was too painful to watch. The manager seemed displeased by the situation as well, and he called for another midfielder on the team to warm up. Reo would only have a few minutes left to play in his debut Reds game. 

The manager casted a frigid glance down to where Nagi sat and asked, “What happened to your promise?” Nagi bit the inside of his cheek in frustration. He remembered how he had told that manager that the two of them would meet the manager’s expectation, but Reo was floundering. It was better to stay silent— anything Nagi might say would just sound like an excuse. 

Nagi spoke anyway. “Maybe he needs more time.”

The manager shook his head. “It’s not time that he needs.”

◇-◈-◇

When Reo returned to the bench, he was quiet, but Nagi could see the frustration simmering in his eyes, and Nagi thought that it would be better to let Reo bathe in those thoughts. Frustration was a necessary component to the path they had chosen; Nagi had learned that very well. 

In the end, they lost 0-1, but there wouldn’t be too many public repercussions for Reo— because he had been pulled out so early, there wasn’t much anyone could say about his performance. It was lackluster, but it didn’t directly cause the team’s defeat, so Reo could escape the scrutiny of reporters and fans. 

Nagi and Reo left the field in the same tense silence that had filled the bench for most of the match. While Reo changed out of his clothes, Nagi thought about visiting Rin in the other locker room. Even though Rin had an infamously smart mouth, Nagi was curious to know what he might say about Reo’s performance in the game. 

“I’m going to see Rin.”

Reo turned to him with a faint amount of surprise in his eyes, but he simply nodded in response. Nagi walked to the other locker room, and once again, security gave him the go ahead to enter enemy territory. It was easy to pick Rin apart from the crowd of his other teammates. 

Rin was unfairly, devastatingly beautiful. He could probably knock out a bear with one flutter of his graceful swooping eyelashes— that is, if it could ignore the cold attitude and biting words which, for the most part, dispelled any attraction anyone ever held for him. After the rough and tumble game he had just played, Rin was drenched in sweat and his hair was mussed, but his looks were undeniable. 

Nagi popped into the locker room while Rin peeled off his shirt. It was a sight that could induce fainting if both Rin’s teammates and Nagi (from Blue Lock) hadn’t already been overexposed to this image. It was somewhat unfair. As professional athletes, they all had good bodies, but only Rin fell into the category of “Greek statue with abs lovingly sculpted by Michelangelo.”

“Ah, it’s ghost boy,” Rin said when he spotted Nagi hovering around him out of the corner of his eye. Nagi suddenly became overly-conscious of his pale hair, but without stopping, Rin said, “What are you doing here? Don’t tell me that you’re trying to defect just when your shadow joined the worst team in the league.”

Rin had a gift for cramming sentences with rotten insults. Nagi wasn’t sure what to address— the sheer number of offending remarks in his last statement tied Nagi’s tongue into a knot.

Somehow, Rin continued to bulldoze on in his oblivious way. “Not that it’d matter to me. Next season, I’ll probably be in Germany.” Nagi’s ears itched at that news.

“You’re going abroad, too?” he asked, thinking of Isagi playing in Portugal now.

“If it’s the only way to surpass my brother, then I have no choice,” Rin answered. Nagi frowned. Most brother-complexes involved doting love, but Rin and Sae only knew how to viciously compete with each other. Back in Blue Lock, players liked to act out holiday gatherings at the Itoshi’s for fun, complete with glacial gazes and acidic words. 

Rin threw an ice-cold stare back at Nagi. “You know, you could play abroad as well. If you wanted to.” Nagi was about to respond to the compliment, but then Rin said, “It’d be too bad, though. Your shadow couldn’t come with you.” 

Nagi clenched his fist so tightly that he could feel his fingernails prick at the skin in the palm of his hand. “Stop calling Reo that. And why couldn’t he go abroad? He also finished at the top of Blue Lock.” 

Rin quirked an eyebrow up. “Don’t tell me you’ve gone blind. He’s gotten terrible at playing. He’s lost on the field without you.”

The nervousness that seeped into Nagi’s bones when watching Reo play seemed to prickle. Nagi didn’t know how to respond, and Rin gave a harsh laugh. “Nothing to say? So you know I’m right. He’s shit.”

“He’s still trying to adjust. He just joined our team.”

Rin snorted (eloquently, exquisitely, in a way that made Nagi wish he could punch the other boy’s nose in). “It’s not like you to make excuses.”

“It’s not an excuse— of course he has trouble adjusting.”

Rin’s ice cold eyes pierced Nagi’s. “Can you really call yourself a football player if you need to rely on others to play well? Didn’t you learn anything from Blue Lock? Only your inner strength matters.” The harshness of Rin’s statement sent a shiver down Nagi’s spine.

Rin continued, “Besides… he was perfectly fine at first playing with the U-20 team, and that was completely new to him, too.” Then Rin paused before saying, “In the middle of it, though, he lost all sense of himself on the field. Lucky for him that he’s on your team now; otherwise, he wouldn’t be able to play at all.”

Something like doubt was churning in Nagi’s stomach as he recalled the U-20 matches. Rin was right; Reo seemed much more comfortable playing on the team even though most of the players were strangers to each other. He hated that he was seriously considering Rin’s words for even a second, but they rang like a clear sounding bell. When Nagi had watched Reo for the past few weeks, he felt as though creeping vines were uncomfortably ensnaring his heart, but he couldn’t quite grasp the reason why. Rin’s word lit a fire that burned down that jungle of uncertainty. 

Still, Nagi naturally wanted to come to Reo’s defense, so he grit his teeth and said. “You’re wrong.”

Rin smirked. “It’s pathetic. He went through Blue Lock, and he still hasn’t learned to rely on his own strength.” Nagi wondered if it was possible to clench his fist so tightly that his nails would pierce his skin— it seemed he was getting close to that point. Rin’s ice-blue eyes pierced Nagi’s. “Wouldn’t you agree?” 

Nagi couldn’t answer. If he said yes, he would be betraying Reo, but he couldn’t say no, either. Part of Nagi wanted to shove Rin against the lockers and refute his every accusation, but something murky settled in Nagi’s stomach— a foul, sticky tar that refused to let him turn away from Rin’s menacing smile. 

Nagi didn’t want to admit it, but Rin was right. Reo was playing pathetically. 

At Nagi’s silence, Rin shrugged gracefully. “Whatever. I have to shower now. If I get sent to Germany, I suppose the next time I’ll see you is on the national team.” 

Nagi watched Rin leave, and he tried to settle his mind by blanking out the conversation that had just occurred. Thinking about Rin’s words too much left a metallic taste on his tongue, and he could imagine wielding the same words against Reo. There had to be a gentler way to discuss Rin’s revelation.

◇-◈-◇

“Rin said something interesting.”

Nagi and Reo were currently at the former’s apartment, and Nagi was cooking a simple fish dish for dinner while Reo was working through business documents that his secretary had sent earlier in the day. 

“What’d he say?”

Even if Nagi’s default mode of existing was apathy, whenever he actually _tried_ to act that way, his voice got obviously strained, and Reo always immediately saw through the act. Nagi tried keeping his voice casual anyway. “Has playing been hard for you recently?”

The silence that followed that question was a surprised one. Since Reo had joined the team, they had been silent on that subject— the manager called Reo in after every practice, but Reo never let slip the details of those conversations. Nagi heard Reo lightly closing his laptop followed by footsteps as he padded over to the kitchen where Nagi was sauteing vegetables. Reo placed his chin on Nagi’s shoulder. His breath tickled Nagi’s ear as he said, “Smells good.”

“Don’t change the topic.”

“Is that what Rin said? That I was playing poorly?”

Nagi didn’t reply, but the silence was answer enough.

Reo lowered his face a little, letting his lips brush against Nagi’s clothed shoulder, and he dragged the sensation to the back of Nagi’s neck. Reo’s hot breath rested on Nagi’s nape, and Nagi resolutely stirred the vegetables in the pan, ignoring Reo’s teasing. 

“Last time I was playing badly, you said it was because I was too distracted by another person.” A flush came to Nagi’s face, but he wasn’t sure if it was lust or shame. He finally turned around to face Reo, but Reo had already made his way back to the couch.

Nagi set the pan aside and turned the heat down. “That’s—” He frowned at how casually Reo was lounging on the couch, his shirt slightly hiked up, leaving a seductive sliver of midriff exposed. Nagi swallowed, and when he caught Reo’s clear eyes again, Reo smirked. He must have seen how Nagi’s eyes drifted.

“Maybe you’re the one who’s actually distracted,” Reo teased in a low voice, and Nagi huffed, but he didn’t move from where he was. 

Then Reo pulled down his shirt and moved off the couch, directing Nagi back into the kitchen with a hand on his shoulder. “I’m starving. Hurry up.” 

“You can’t tell me to hurry up. You don’t even know how to cook.” 

Reo laughed, but just as Nagi pulled the fish out from the oven, he asked more quietly, “Have you been thinking about it a lot? My playing?”

Nagi hesitated before saying, “Yeah. You play like normal with me, but you’ve been off with the other players.” Nagi set the food on the table, and they both took a seat. 

Reo stared at the dish in front of him, but it didn’t seem like he was actually looking at the food. 

Nagi ventured a question. “Is it because of me?” He didn’t quite know how to phrase what he meant, but he thought that Reo understood anyways. 

Reo gave a small smile and laughed. “Don’t be so narcissistic. I just need more time to adjust to your guys’ playing style. Let’s eat.” He grabbed a pair of chopsticks, silently ending the conversation. 

Nagi thought back to how the manager said, _It’s not time he needs_ , but he decided not to say anything else.

* * *

**Author’s Note:** I hope you like Yuuichi and Miki’s dynamic. They’re so much fun for me to write. You might have noticed that Nagi is gay for Rin’s looks, and that is because I am also a slut for Rin (even if he is an asshole). Headcanon: Reo, as a rich, spoiled brat never learned how to cook.

Finally, this— _If he lingered over it, he might call it love / He didn’t linger—_ kills me!!! Why did I write it??? (＃｀д´)ﾉ”


	7. Chapter 7

The next following practices, Reo seemed to be doing better, but there were still moments of awkwardness that confused everyone— severe stumbles followed by incredible maneuvers and bold passes to Nagi that made everyone wonder if Reo was some idiot savant of football. The severe fluctuations felt like a gamble; they couldn’t know what to expect from Reo, and in a way, it was worse than Reo just being a shitty player. The manager resolutely forbade Reo from having any more match time. His playing would have to be more consistent before he got another chance on the field.

Nagi told himself to be patient.

Reo spent less time over at Nagi’s since that last conversation, and Nagi didn’t know what to make of it. When he did come over, everything _felt_ normal, but these thoughts incessantly itched Nagi’s brain, and when Nagi tried to broach the topic, Reo always laughed and told him that he was overthinking things.

Sometimes, Nagi would watch Reo scrimmage with the other players, and he would imagine himself on the field. Reo would kick the ball strangely or send it to somewhere that made no sense, but Nagi would think, _I would have gotten the ball there. I could have used the ball there._ And he thought about how Rin said, _lucky for him that he’s on your team now; otherwise, he wouldn’t be able to play at all_ , and those words created a vice on Nagi’s heart.

Then, everything collapsed with three passes.

_One:_

It was October, and they were set to play against the Shimizu S-Pulse. The Reds were currently in fifth place, having dropped down a rank after their loss against Nagoya Grampus a few days before. With extreme luck, they could take the title, but it was more likely that they would end up, in the best case, in third place at the end of the season. 

S-Pulse was in the bottom third of the table, and the manager seemed unconcerned about the upcoming match. When he unveiled the starting line-up, everyone on the team did a quick double take: Reo had been listed. It was so surprising that it took Nagi a few more moments to realize that he was a starter for this game, too. When he glanced at Reo, Reo had an intense look of concentration burning in his eyes, and there was a wrinkle creased between his brows. But he didn’t seem worried; just intense.

The day of the game, Nagi stared at the sky momentarily as his team stood on the field. It was silent. The only thing ahead of him was the field. Nagi thought that he should feel happy; after all, he and Reo were finally on the same professional team playing their first J1 match together. It was like what Reo said when they had first met and Nagi had executed that fateful trap that first captivated Reo: _If we work hard, we can even become pros._

The memory couldn’t dispel the vague feeling in Nagi’s chest. All he could do was play. 

After a mostly uneventful first 10 minutes (S-Pulse sending a far too wide shot at the goal, but nothing else important), the Reds were on the attack. Reo currently had possession of the ball, but he quickly sent it to Miki, who sent it further upfield to Tsubaki who was closest to the goal, but one of the S-Pulse defenders slid to try and knock the ball from his feet, and Tsubaki sent a defensive pass back to Reo. Nagi pointed at his feet and yelled for the ball, and Reo turned to him but then shifted his gaze to a spot a few feet away from Nagi— where one of the S-Pulse forwards were.

Something lurched in Nagi’s chest, but before he could formulate his alarm into actual words, he was running, and then he had suddenly intercepted what looked like a pass from Reo to that S-Pulse forward. Reo had sent a lob straight to the other player (who was shocked that Reo would send the ball to the opposition so easily but was rushing forward to receive it), but Nagi had reached there first in a panic. He trapped the lob with his chest and cursed as the S-Pulse player lunged to try and steal the ball from him. Nagi twisted his body suddenly to keep the ball away, and as the other player tried to follow, he stumbled from his momentum, giving Nagi enough time to pass the ball onwards. 

In the corner of his eye, Nagi saw a purple ponytail, and Nagi immediately passed the ball to Reo who captured the ball as if he had expected it to land at his feet. The instant it reached Reo’s foot, he took a shot at the goal, but the aiming was rushed and too wide an angle, and the ball ran off the field. 

After catching his breath, Nagi struggled to understand what just happened. Everything had moved so quickly, but he was certain that Reo had made a pass that was undeniably aimed for the other team. Except that wasn’t the case— Reo _knew_ that Nagi would be able to trap it and lose the other player, so Reo had positioned himself in a place where he also _knew_ Nagi would pass to once the other player had faltered. And then he tried to score a goal.

It was a cerebral sort of play that required Nagi’s gut reactions— if Reo had tried it with anyone else on the team, there was no doubt that the S-Pulse player would have gained possession and led an attack. It was a kind of play that turned Nagi’s stomach and made him clench his jaw.

It was a smart play; he should just leave it at that. 

_Two:_

S-Pulse was currently leading 1-0, but there was plenty of time left in the game and 15 minutes before half-time, so there was no use stressing just yet. Tsubaki was currently trapped in a thicket of S-Pulse players, but through some miraculous dribbling skills, he was able to maintain possession and force a pass to Reo adjacent to the mess of players. It was clear that the other players would crowd Reo and steal the ball if he didn’t immediately send it away.

Somehow, Reo had gotten ahead of Nagi in a rushed number of quick passes between him and Tsubaki, and once again, Nagi found himself in Reo’s blind spot like during the U-20 World Cup game against Portugal. This time, though, there was no use in concealing his presence, and he was about to call out his position so that Reo could pass the ball, but Reo suddenly twisted his stance while running, making off for a different direction to shake off a mark. 

And the mark stumbled in that direction, but it was a feint. Reo’s heel suddenly struck the ball, and Nagi was surprised to see it land at his feet. Reo had managed to fake out even the person he had passed the ball to. Nagi’s throat was suddenly dry.

How did Reo know that he was there again?

But Nagi couldn’t linger on that question for too long: another S-Pulse player was about to steal the ball from his feet, and he could only react by sending the ball further back defensively. Only after the ball escaped his feet could Nagi try to piece his thoughts about Reo’s playing. 

Reo was playing regularly among the team today; aside from a handful of forced errors, his movements had largely made sense. But when it came to Nagi, he moved so strangely— performing actions that were either foolish or daring, depending on who you asked. 

And Nagi thought of Rin’s _shadow on the field_ comment, and his heart twisted uncomfortably.

_Three:_

Nagi wanted the ball.

The score hadn’t moved from the S-Pulse’s 1-0 lead, and by halftime, Nagi was starting to become impatient in a way that made his bones want to jump out of his skin. Miki and Tsubaki had made a few more goal attempts, but none of them succeeded, and Nagi wanted nothing more than to handle the ball himself.

One of the Red’s center backs was keeping the ball at his feet, and he yelled at his teammates to cover more field. He sent a long pass towards midfield, and it was swept up by one of the Red’s players who was currently aiming to pass to Reo.

Once Reo received the ball, there were three more players upfield he could potentially pass to: Miki, Tsubaki, and Nagi. And Nagi _wanted_ the ball, but the window of opportunity was too small— there was a large player blocking his passing path to Reo, and even if Reo lobbed the ball high, there’d still be too much opportunity for that freakishly tall S-Pulse player nearby to intercept it, or that player currently running towards Reo would make him lose the accuracy needed to send the pass over, resulting in a loose ball. And if Reo sent it _really_ high, then the ball would take too long to land near Nagi (especially if he had to trap it), meaning that the players nearby would rush over and make him lose possession. 

Miki and Tsubaki were relatively open. Tagged by other players, but open. There was no way that Reo could possibly conceive of sending the ball to Nagi, and yet— 

The ball flew towards Reo, and without hesitation, Reo struck the flying ball with his laces, sending it with such speed that Nagi could only react. The ball flew past the tall player’s head, too quick for him to even ponder moving, but Nagi had already jumped, arching his back and letting his legs part. 

Everything had slowed down: Nagi felt like he was floating in midair, and his arms spread out like wings as he fell. His right leg cut through the air, reaching higher and higher until _there—_ that thing that football players were so obsessed with— the ball soared towards Nagi’s right foot, intersecting with its path just so that it would be knocked into a new direction. And as Nagi fell backwards, as his right leg whipped in the air and his foot struck the ball, upon contact, he just _knew_.

Everything sped up. Nagi hit the ball, and even before his back hit the turf, the crowd roared so loudly that his eardrums almost burst, and when Nagi tilted his head back, he saw the goalie lying on the grass and the ball sitting in the net. 

Nagi could imagine what a commentator would be saying right now: 

“An absolutely daring volley pass by Reo Mikage, and a bicycle kick and impossible goal by Nagi Seishiro! Unbelievable reactions from these two. How many other young players would have the guts to execute a bicycle kick? And then actually score from it!? This might be the most beautiful goal we’ve had this entire season.”

“If we take a closer look, in slow motion, look at this reaction time: Mikage sends the ball to Nagi without hesitation, and really, the second it comes into contact with Mikage’s foot, you can see how Nagi starts jumping. If he had started even half a second later, he wouldn’t have been able to score it. See how the ball whizzes past S-Pulse’s number 27 before reaching Nagi? There was no way that 27 could have anticipated it. He was close enough to knock it out of the air, but he didn’t have that immediate reaction that Nagi had.”

“That’s an almost supernatural connection those two players have. I’m not sure if there is any other duo in the world that would be able to pull off that combo.”

Nagi was still lying sprawled on the field as the crowd roared around him.

Fury was not an emotion that he was familiar with, but he could give no other name to the intolerable heat that gripped his throat now. He would have never guessed that scoring a goal could stir such an extreme emotion, but Nagi couldn’t find a single way to justify Reo’s choice just now— every other player would have chosen to pass to Tsubaki or Miki; any other choice was just foolish. So why did Reo do it?

The answer stained Nagi’s vision red, and the flare of anger in him didn’t seem like it would extinguish itself anytime soon. He was trembling. Rin had been fucking _right_ — Reo was playing in a way that completely serviced Nagi, and he was _infuriated_ by it. It felt like searing magma was flowing through his veins, and could only exhale loudly to try and expel the unbearable fever.

It’d be impossible to play football in this condition— Nagi finally sat up and held his hand out to request to be substituted out. The manager gave him a level gaze, but he assented to the change, and Nagi shortly found himself sitting on the bench, still shaking with anger. 

He couldn’t even turn his gaze back to the field where Reo was still playing. 

“Are you hurt?” the manager asked. 

Nagi shook his head reluctantly causing the manager to frown. “Overexerted?” he asked, and Nagi was forced to shake his head again. The manager’s eyes narrowed considerably. “We only have so many substitutions per game. You’re really telling me I wasted one just now?”

“I can’t play right now.” 

The manager’s hard expression didn’t lift upon hearing that, but he finally replied, “That was some goal, huh?”

◇-◈-◇

Even after sitting out the rest of the game and taking a cold shower, Nagi couldn’t deny the acid in his throat as he thought about how Reo played— about how Reo’s _been_ playing. He had been waiting in the locker room to confront Reo with dagger-like words concealed in his mouth. 

Reo walked in, chatting idly with Miki. Miki glanced over Reo’s head and smiled, saying, “Nagi! Man of the match—”

“Not now.”

Upon hearing Nagi’s tone, Reo turned to face his friend, and all looseness in his manner disappeared. Nagi grabbed Reo’s wrist and pulled him out of the locker room with Miki trying to call out after him, but he pointedly ignored everyone. And Reo wasn’t resisting Nagi’s strength.

Nagi dragged him wordlessly through the stadium until they were alone in a secluded corner of the stadium. Except for a few stragglers, the fans had already left, and the thunderous atmosphere of a game day had cleared away. Nagi turned to face Reo. He wondered what expression was currently on his face. Reo’s eyes were touched with a fragile fatigue.

Nagi had no plans to make his words gentle. In a harsh voice, he asked, “What was that?”

Reo had a distant, contemplative look in his eyes, but he didn’t say anything. Nagi frowned even more. “You know what I’m talking about.”

Reo sighed. “I don’t know.” 

Nagi’s throat tightened at Reo’s denial. The questions tumbled out of his mouth, sharp like thrown knives. “What was that volley? What were those blind passes? All those misplaced passes during practice— they’re for me, right? Why is it when you play, you’re _always_ playing with me in mind?

“Why are you playing so pathetically?”

Reo’s eyes had turned a shade darker, and his voice had a sandpaper grit quality to it. “I’m not lying to you. I don’t want to lie. I just don’t know.”

Nagi scoffed, and Reo flinched at the sound.

Then, Reo bit his lip, and in a voice that was almost a whisper, he said, “I lost it.”

Reo dropped his head, avoiding Nagi’s gaze. The scalding anger that Nagi in his throat suddenly turned queasy. _It’s unfair_ , Nagi thought. He wanted to latch onto the anger, but his heart was so tender when it concerned Reo. 

“I thought we would be the best football players in the world— the two of us, together. But then you went on ahead without me... I pushed myself to become better, to keep up with you.” Reo spoke in the practiced, calculating tone well learned from his business empire. If he hadn’t been trained, what torrents of emotions would his voice have carried? “Crushing the other players, winning, becoming better— just so I could play next to you.”

“And then something changed. Maybe it was because I was always thinking of our future— thinking of you.”

He said quietly, “I dedicated myself to you. And you hate that, don’t you?”

Nagi was stunned into silence, but he moved his hand to softly lift Reo’s chin, and once again, Reo didn’t resist. His face met Nagi’s gaze, and as soon Nagi saw his expression, he immediately felt an urge to sink into the walls. It was a familiar expression: murky eyes without the self-assured clarity that Reo usually had. This time, they glistened with hot tears, and Nagi felt as if someone were tying knots in his chest. No matter how steady Reo’s voice sounded, it was betrayed by the sight of his bottom lip quivering. What could Nagi say to the emotional wreckage he had created? 

“Even after doing everything I could, you still hate it,” Reo said. _Say something_ , Nagi thought, but his mind was vacant— an empty parking lot with a single flickering street lamp. Reo had dropped his head again, and a sort of desperation rose in Nagi’s throat. 

A bitter laugh from Reo cut through the silence. “As you thought, I’m hopeless without you in football…” 

Reo released a breath that Nagi immediately recognized as the precursor to a sob, and the sound cut through him like a dagger. Memories were swirling in his eyes, and he could remember Reo’s lonely figure in the dim winter light on the playground, when he had said, _I would have given everything for you_ , and like a fucking fool, Nagi had been clueless as to what he meant. Obvious… it was obvious like a semi-truck blaring its horn in front of Nagi, but only in the last moments could he see the lights. 

How did he miss it?

And now he was _still_ useless, just standing there like a piece of scenery, pretending he hadn’t warped Reo’s life into the shape it was now. Not saying anything about the pain that Reo was in— that he _had been in_ for… how long now? When did it start? 

God, he was terrible.

Reo didn’t wait for a response from Nagi. He turned on his heel and left.

Nagi watched Reo’s receding back with a certain flash of shame that wrenched his guts in a sickening way. Nagi opened and closed his hands, his fists getting tighter with every repetition. 

He had been angry at Reo, wanting to flay him with accusations after that terrible performance. _But the performance wasn’t terrible_. The game had ended in a tie, and there was no denying the sheer audacity of some of Reo’s passes— they were brilliantly and specifically molded for _him._ Anyone watching the two of them playing together could recognize their unique, incredible connection.

But it meant that Reo was playing for _him_ . Not to be the best player in the game, much less the world. Reo wanted to be the best player for _Nagi_ — to be the perfect supporting role that would launch Nagi to the position of best player in the world. And it was true. Nagi _hated_ that.

It struck him, suddenly, why Reo couldn’t meet Nagi’s gaze. This time, and the last time, and the very first time when Nagi left Reo to play with Isagi… it was shame. Reo was filled with shame because he couldn’t be the player that Nagi wanted him to be. 

Reo, as always, was one step ahead of him. And what could Nagi say to him when he was right?

Things could never possibly be the same between them. 

◇-◈-◇

Nagi had a restless night with his brain replaying his conversation with Reo on loop; the way Reo said, _I lost it_ , with his voice laced with heartbreak, as delicate as a butterfly’s wing. And as guilt churned in his guts, Nagi considered picking up his phone and dialing Reo, but what would he say?

He had only snatched a few hours of sleep before waking up to the dread of training that would happen in just a few hours. Nagi performed the rest of his morning ritual perfunctorily while a low level sense of worry hummed in the background. He and Reo would have to interact on the field all day, and Nagi was unsure what to expect. Would they avoid each other? Would Reo’s eyes be darkened with anger, just like in Blue Lock? 

Nagi found himself on the field early, trying to collect his thoughts before their inevitable first interaction. The other players came out one-by-one, joining Nagi in his early warm-up, but Reo was nowhere to be seen. 

“Nagi-kun?? On the field early???” Miki exclaimed upon the unusual sight of Nagi being early to practice. He exaggerated a sniffle. “I’ve taught that boy everything I know… he’s finally growing up.” 

“Thought I could use the extra practice,” he mumbled out.

Yuuichi gave him a level gaze. “A tie isn’t a bad outcome— don’t let it affect you too much.”

A flash of irritation sparked in Nagi; yesterday’s game was barely on his mind. It was trivial compared to the fight Nagi had yesterday. Reo still hadn’t come out onto the field, and every belated moment increased Nagi’s anxiety. How would they interact with each other? What would Reo be like to Nagi?

He focused on continuing his stretches when he heard one of his teammates call out Reo’s name, but cowardly, Nagi kept his eyes trained on his legs and he bent over. The sound of Reo’s footsteps grew louder as he approached the gaggle of players.

“Look at that sharp cut!” Miki called out, throwing a wolf whistle. Finally, Nagi glanced up, and his anxiety momentarily vanished.

Reo touched the back of his head and grinned. The long hair, usually tied up in a ponytail, was chopped off and the sides cut short, and his part had been moved to the side. It was a fashionable cut that looked completely natural on his face: in a different set of clothes, Reo could have been a model walking down the catwalk. 

Another teammate had gone up to Reo, trying to muss up his hair, but Reo playfully ducked out of the way. “On the lookout for a new girlfriend?” someone teased, which Reo flatly denied, but Nagi almost bit his tongue off hearing that. There was something scruffy and charming about how Reo used to keep his hair, and Nagi used to love running his fingers through it at night. This look was much more… curated. Professional. 

Nagi maintained his silence as he continued his stretches while the rest of his teammates flocked around Reo to comment on his new cut. But Reo parted through the crowd of Reds players and approached Nagi. Nagi’s stomach was still knotted from Reo’s new appearance, and upon Reo’s approach, something panicked rose in his mouth, but Reo simply smiled and clapped his shoulder lightly, saying, “Keep working hard.”

Ah. So they were going to act as if everything was normal. Nagi looked up to Reo, and Reo easily met his gaze. It was hard to forget Reo’s teary eyes from yesterday, but Reo’s smooth face and effortless smile meant to wipe that history away. 

Nagi couldn’t refrain from letting a question slip from his mouth. “Why did you cut your hair?”

Reo answered with a familiar, bright smile, but it crashed abrasively against Nagi’s mood. 

“Just thought it was time for a change.”

◇-◈-◇

The next days passed uneventfully, but Reo’s words still weighed Nagi down. Reo, for his part, was his usual self, but every glance brought discordant feelings. Nagi didn’t know if he really appreciated the easy smiles and casual camaraderie that Reo maintained during practice and the desolate silence between them outside the field. Once, Nagi invited Reo to his apartment (not to _do_ anything— just so they could talk, although Nagi still wasn’t sure what he might say), but Reo brushed it off, saying that he was currently buried in work. An obvious excuse, but after that, Nagi didn’t try again. 

After a few more days, it was time for their next game. Nagi found himself practicing more than usual, and he welcomed how exertion made thoughts of Reo flee from his head. Throughout the game, he was unable to escape Reo; the manager had put both of them in during the last 20 minutes to gain more play experience, and something similar to the last game had happened— brilliant moves that showcased Reo’s synchronicity (reliance) on Nagi’s playing form. It pissed Nagi off, but the game was too intense to sustain any sort of anger, and when it finally finished (2-0, their win) Nagi was too tired for a repeat of the last conversation they had. 

The manager had instructed Reo and Miki to do a post-game interview, and the rest of the team filed into the showers. Nagi scrubbed quickly; he wanted to avoid catching sight of Reo for the rest of the day: it would be just his luck to fight with Reo again (although perhaps that would be better than the masquerade they had been dancing through for the past week). Just as he finished changing and was rubbing his hair dry, Yuuichi called out to him.

“Hey, Nagi, did you know about this?” Yuuichi was looking at his phone, but he seemed to be struck into a strange stupor.

“What do you mean?” Nagi peeked over Yuuichi’s shoulder, but he couldn’t quite make out the messages on the screen. 

“It’s about Reo…” and just as Yuuichi said that, the rapidly updating discussion board came into focus. 

_can’t believe that Mikage-kun is retiring so early… I’ll miss seeing his pretty face on the field! Especially with his new haircut AAAA_

_It’s to be expected of the son of the Mikage corporation, though I was hoping he would hold out longer. He’s been playing so well with Nagi-san recently! Really thought that they would be together for a long time._

Nagi immediately felt heavy with the same thing that had affected Yuuichi. He thought, _It can’t be_.

_Reo-kun is leaving football???? ｡･ﾟﾟ･( > д < )･ﾟﾟ･｡ how can this be??? begging you to stay!!! _

Something snapped in Nagi.

“Where are they holding the interviews?” Nagi grit out the words between his clenched teeth. A furious cocktail of emotions flooded into his bloodstream, and the edges of his vision blurred. 

“He’s gone already,” said Miki, who had just entered the locker room, his hair sticking to his sweaty forehead. “He didn’t tell you? That’s surprising. I thought you two were close.”

“You didn’t stop him?” Nagi spat out. Miki did a quick double-take. He had never seen Nagi in such a feral state before. The teal in Nagi’s eyes was flickering like a feverish blue flame, ricocheting between rage and shock. It dawned on Miki that something was terribly wrong.

Miki approached the younger player with a gentleness he rarely used. He placed a hand on Nagi’s back and was surprised to find the boy quite literally shaking. “Nagi… what could I do? He already made his decision.” Miki said softly. “I’m sure it’s shocking, but he’s not part of our team anymore.”

Miki watched as Nagi’s shoulders deflated and his eyes shuttered the blazing emotion away. “He’s already gone?”

For a second, Miki wondered how to word his next sentence, but there didn’t seem to be a kind way to say it. “Reo-kun said he was leaving _effective immediately_ in the interview.” That reignited Nagi’s hurricane of emotions, and he spun around towards the exit, but Yuuichi grabbed his wrist, leaving Nagi to strain against the older player’s strength. 

“I think we’re all shocked right now, but he’s not out there. Wait until tomorrow.” As always, the Yuuichi’s demeanour was reliable and steady, but against the storm of emotion passing over Nagi’s face, it could barely act as a shelter.

“We won’t see him tomorrow,” Nagi said, but he knew that the truth extended further than that: he might not see Reo ever again. 

◇-◈-◇

Nagi was mostly averse to popular culture (aside from tracking announcements about anticipated video games or streamers he liked to watch), but for the next few days, he found himself scouring information on the web about Reo while obsessively watching Reo’s last interview. 

The video showed Reo with sweat dripping off his chin, smiling as he leaned into the microphone, saying, “It’s unfortunate to say that this will be my last game. It’s necessary for me to take responsibility in the Mikage corporation at this moment in time, so I will be leaving effective immediately.” At this point, Miki turned to Reo with unconcealed surprise, but Reo continued. “I’m grateful to have been able to support this team for the very short time I was allowed to play, and I leave with fond memories of football.” At this, a barrage of questions poured out from the interviewers, but Reo gracefully lifted a hand up and said, “I am taking no further questions,” before he left Miki with a gaping open jaw.

Nagi tried to parse through the emotion on his face— the smile he gave wasn’t quite the same smile he used for just courtesy or business transactions. Was it relief? Had the pressure of playing football been too much? The question tied knots in Nagi’s guts. Why hadn’t Reo said anything? Why didn’t Reo say anything even now? 

All the articles online were speculative, but nothing seemed confirmed— what sort of incident within the Mikage corporation could pull Mikage Reo out of the spotlight of being a celebrity athlete? Some people guessed financial ruin or corruption, but most believed that it was natural. Being a football star was only a temporary, fun phase for the young heir to blow his youth out on before resigning himself to a lifetime of corporate politics. 

Nagi was reminded of all the little confidences they had from when they were teenagers: how Reo would say, “I’m not going to be what they expect. No one determines my life.” And then he’d grab Nagi’s hand, his palm ineffably warm, and say, “We’re going to be the best football players in the world.”

These memories made Nagi feel a little sick. 

He toyed with his phone and considered calling Reo, but a creeping fear always stopped him. What could he possibly say to Reo, especially after that conversation they had? In all the scenarios he imagined, nothing could repair their relationship. Reo’s eyes would flash a cold, midnight purple, and whatever Reo said had a vicious undertone to it that would cut Nagi to pieces. It was cowardly, but he was too scared to face his friend.

During practice, he brushed off his team’s consolations. Everyone seemed worried about Nagi losing his right-hand man, and he wanted to bite back that that wasn’t it— he _never_ wanted Reo to be a shadow at his side; in fact, that was the problem. _That_ was why Reo had left in the first place; because Nagi couldn’t handle it. In the following days of practice, a renewed brutal energy filled his plays, striving to be better than before. To be the best without Reo, like he had played in Blue Lock. His team responded to the ferocious energy in turn, and by the next game, they felt like a razor-sharp knife, slicing their way to a 4-0 win. Two of the goals had been Nagi’s.

Afterwards in the locker room as he was toweling off, Nagi’s phone buzzed, announcing that his bookmarked search term ‘Reo Mikage’ had received more news. It was somewhat a surprise; after only a few days, the amount of new articles about Reo had quickly tapered off— a flash in the pan sort of incident.

But today, there were a swarm of new articles surrounding Reo. Nagi turned his phone on, expecting some football article, but his stomach dropped as he clicked on the link. It was déjà vu: there were tabloid pictures of a woman hanging off Reo’s arm. A cold sensation creeped into Nagi’s heart as he stared at the photo. 

She was gorgeous; her hair fell into a silky black screen, and she wore deep red lipstick. As he read further, he learned that her name was Hanako Hanazawa, and she was the heiress to a large technology company. So far, they had both denied an official relationship, but the tabloid writer intimated that the pictures spoke volumes more.

They looked good together; her delicate hand pressed on Reo’s upper arm. His affectionate smile as he looked down on her face. And the longer Nagi stared at the image, the more he knew that he should tear his eyes away, but he couldn’t stop. He couldn’t help but wonder what Reo was doing now at this moment— if his hand was currently holding her waist, if his mouth was pressed to her collarbone. If he felt any guilt or shame as he stood next to this woman; if Reo had thought about Nagi even _once_ in these past few days. 

The knot in Nagi’s stomach wound tighter, and without thinking it through, he found himself moving to a secluded corner in the stadium and calling Reo. The dial tone played for a second ring, a third… and the knot wound tighter until it was almost unbearable, like a boulder that threatened to sink him to oceanic depths. After everything, did Nagi really expect Reo to pick up? He lowered the phone when he suddenly heard the line click and a familiar voice speak.

“Nagi?”

“Reo…” Nagi thought his legs might collapse. The sound of his voice was like drinking sweet wine, and Nagi wished he could get intoxicated on it.

“Why are you calling?” Nagi was relieved to hear no terseness in Reo’s voice, but he still didn’t know how to answer the question. It was impulsive, this call. He hadn’t planned out what to say; hadn’t considered whether talking about this woman, football, or any other topic would be taboo.

“Umm… Did you see the game?” 

Nagi could hear Reo’s sigh on the other side. The immense weight of all their unspoken things must have been weighing on him too, and upon that realization, Nagi suddenly felt better. It wasn’t enough to wipe the image of Reo with that woman from his eyes, but the tsunamic swells that had been drowning Nagi for the past few days calmed to a choppy sea. 

After a pause, Reo said, “I have something to tell you anyway. Why don’t you come to my office tomorrow?” 

Nagi’s heart leapt up at the thought of being able to see Reo again, but there was an undeniable tension in how Reo had said _I have something to tell you_. He and Reo weren’t technically _together_ , but Nagi thought that this feeling must be the impending doom that people experience before a break up. 

“Okay.” he answered a little breathlessly. “When? And what’s the address?”

“I’ll text it to you. When are you free?”

“Whenever works for you.”

Reo chuckled a little, and the sound was as soft as windchimes in Nagi’s ears. “Oh, that’s right. We don’t have practice after games.” And then he hesitated because that statement wasn’t quite correct anymore. “ _You_ don’t have practice after games. The evening works for me. Is that alright?”

“Yes.” Nagi had also forgotten that he didn’t have practice after games, and really, he couldn’t give a rat’s ass about practice. In a heartbeat, he would skip it if that meant he could see Reo again.

“Then see you tomorrow.”

“Yeah, tomorrow.” And Reo hung up, and the line went dead. 

◇-◈-◇

Nagi had chosen to wear the expensive green shirt that Reo gifted him last winter. As he pulled the sleeves over his arms, he remembered how Reo tugged at the collar, minutely adjusting it, finishing with his fingertips trailing over the back of Nagi’s neck. How Reo pulled back and noted the way that the shirt complemented Nagi’s eyes with a smile that Nagi desperately wished he could see again. And then he thought of the same-colored scarf that he once winded around Reo’s neck.

Nagi wished that these small memories of Reo would stop resurfacing. 

The location that Reo texted him was a tall office building in Nihonbashi. As soon as he stepped in, the receptionist seemed to recognize him and greeted him politely, leading him to the elevator. They stood in silence as the elevator climbed towards the top. Once they arrived, the receptionist handed him off to another assistant who told him to wait patiently until Reo was ready to receive him. The professional, austere atmosphere flustered Nagi— was this the world that Reo intended to occupy for the rest of his life?

Soon enough, the assistant led him to the door separating him from Reo’s office. She quickly bowed and left Nagi by himself, and he paused to consider the imposing cherry oak wood decorated with gold curlicules, doorknobs similarly colored. It was a door very in line with the prestige of the Mikage corporation. Nagi’s heart thrummed nervously, but he quickly opened the door to see Reo sitting at a desk on the far side of the room.

Reo looked up from a stack of papers and gave a small smile towards Nagi. It was a kinder greeting than he had expected. Reo’s hair was perfectly parted and coiffed, so unlike the messy ponytail that Nagi had been accustomed to seeing during matches. The suit, too, was interesting. Not exactly new, just not in line with Nagi’s usual perception of Reo in a football jersey or a casual shirt. Reo rose and crossed the room silently to greet Nagi. 

“It’s good to see you, Nagi,” Reo said without a hint of malice. If it were another time, Reo would be hugging Nagi and grinning brightly at him. Instead, Reo walked past Nagi to shut the door and turned to Nagi expectantly. But he didn’t seem to be angry; there was some heaviness in the air, as to be expected, but none of the crackling, provocative energy that was present during their last intimate conversation. 

Reo grabbed the cuff on one Nagi’s sleeves, and he came close enough for Nagi to smell the clean scent of his cologne. “This color still looks good on you,” Reo said, suddenly dropping his hold, letting Nagi’s arm fall back to his side. Reo took a step back, but the cologne still wafted in the air. “Though you’ve grown a bit. You should look into getting a larger size.”

“Reo,” Nagi started, and his voice was rough with emotion, but he couldn’t seem to continue. He didn’t know where to start. He had thought he would never see Reo again, but Reo had let him in so easily, and Nagi wondered if a single wrong word might collapse this tentative meeting. Nagi had never been good at being careful.

“You can sit if you’d like.” Reo gestured to the seat and armchair in front of his desk, and he settled in one of the armchairs. Nagi followed by taking the seat across. In another time, the two would be sitting on the same loveseat, with Reo’s thigh pressed against his, Reo commenting on a football clip playing on a phone propped in between the two of them. Such closeness was unthinkable now. “Let me know if you want any drinks. We have tea, coffee, and water.”

The politeness was making Nagi stumble over his thoughts. If they were on friendly terms, the words would have come easily. Even if Reo had been speaking to him with ugly vitriol, he would have been able to think of some harsh words back. But as it stood, Nagi’s head was surprisingly vacant. 

Reo sighed at Nagi’s prolonged silence. “It can’t be helped… ask what you want, Nagi. I’ll answer as best I can.” The heaviness in the air lifted a little. 

There it was— Reo always with the perfect assist, even in this conversation. It placed a sour taste on Nagi’s tongue, but he could only be grateful in the moment. 

“Who was that woman?” Nagi asked. He wondered how petulant he must have sounded, if he seemed like a jealous, spurned lover (though, to be fair, he _was_ one). His palms sweated as he gripped his knees..

A wrinkle appeared on Reo’s forehead. “Is that why you called? I would have thought…” he trailed off but then said, “Her name is Hanako Hanazawa. I… approached her recently. We’re not together.” And then Reo dropped his eyes and softly said, “Yet.”

“Yet?” Nagi felt something bitter churn in his mouth.

“I wanted to tell you, but… You know what I mean,” Reo said. Nagi didn’t say anything, and Reo sighed again. “It’s likely that we’ll be engaged because of our companies. A business deal.”

“And you’re fine with that?” Nagi asked. He couldn’t help the anger creeping into his voice. 

As if to appease Nagi, Reo’s own voice became feather-soft. “Now that I’m working to become the head of the Mikage corporation, it’s to be expected.” 

Nagi felt rage simmer in his blood, but he didn’t know what to say. Breaking the silence, Reo continued, “You knew who I was in high school. You knew what expectations were surrounding my life.”

“I only knew what you told me. And you told me that we would be the greatest football players in the world.” After saying that, the heaviness in the air returned. The conversation had obviously taken a confrontational turn, and Nagi was wondering if he’d be kicked out of the office. He used the wrong words again. Why was he always unable to find the right ones?

Reo responded stiffly, “That was a dream.”

“A dream?” And though Nagi asked it as a question, there was a spiteful edge in his voice. Reo had never spoken about football like that. Reo had always spoken with that clear look in his eyes, knowing that one day, his words would be made into reality. Football was never a dream to him; it was an eventuality. Nagi almost couldn’t believe what he had heard. 

“I couldn’t do it.” Reo said. Nagi shook his head with disbelief. “Nagi, you must know it.” Reo’s voice was bordering on pleading. “You saw me play. It’s impossible for me.”

“So you need to fight harder. You have the skill— you just need to keep working!” Reo shook his head. “Why are you denying it? If you keep playing, you can grow more. You can become better!” Nagi was clenching his jaw, but he took a slow breath to ask, “Why are you quitting?”

Reo let his gaze slip past Nagi’s. “It’s not my dream anymore.” For a second, Nagi felt that he couldn’t breathe.

“What do you mean?”

“It’s not something I want anymore.”

Nagi felt stunned. After years of persisting, Reo wanted to give up? It was incomprehensible. 

“Then what do you want?” 

A flush came over Reo, and his eyes suddenly seemed like they were obscured with clouds of jet black ink. He fixed his gaze on a spot above Nagi’s shoulder. _Murky again_ , Nagi thought, and his heart sunk. Every time they talked like this, their relationship splintered more, and it seemed like Reo plunged deeper in a well of shame. _Stop it,_ Nagi told himself, but he didn’t know how. Every word he said drove the fractures deeper, and perhaps today would be the day where their friendship shattered into bloody shards of glass. 

The poisonous words continued tumbling out, unrestrained by Nagi’s treacherous tongue. “You want to marry Hanazawa-san? You want to be the head of the Mikage corporation? I thought you said you wouldn’t follow the life that others have planned for you. Isn’t that what you always told me?” The flush on Reo’s face grew deeper, but he still didn’t respond. “How could you change so much?” Reo’s face snapped up, and he directly made eye contact with Nagi. The tears shimmering in Reo’s eyes felt like a slap in the face. 

Reo grit out, “I can’t get what I want.”

Nagi felt stunned, as if he was plunging into a tailspin. Reo had always, _always_ been working tirelessly out of sheer conviction in himself and his dreams. What Reo had said was so unfamiliar, it was like Nagi was talking to a stranger. “What do you mean, you can’t get what you want?” 

A sudden thought crossed Nagi. “Do you mean me? Two weeks ago, you were fucking me into my mattress—”

“That’s not what I mean!” Reo said, his mouth pressed into a thin line, but his eyes were desperate, filled with tears that threatened to spill over at any moment. If Nagi didn’t press harder, Reo would never say what he meant, but with every press, the fractures in their relationship grew deeper. The anger felt sharp and metallic and _good_ in Nagi’s mouth, and he was appalled at its rich taste. 

“You never tell me what you mean,” Nagi replied frostily.

Reo bit his lip and looked away again, but then said, “It’d be cruel to say it aloud.” 

The same brutal energy that he played with yesterday resurfaced. _Drive deeper, press harder. Don’t let the other opponent escape. Keep pressuring._ “Say it,” he demanded. 

Another moment of hesitation, and then— 

“You don’t care about me.”

The statement struck Nagi dumb. It was so ludicrous, so unsubstantiated that for a moment he worried if Reo had lost his grip on reality. Nothing that Reo said today made any sense. Reo and Nagi had been close friends since that day Nagi had agreed to play football with him. On the field, they played as if they had one brain. But then, the indignation flared up in Nagi and he almost shouted, “How can you say that?” Nagi was about to recount every cherished moment they shared, but Reo cut him off again. 

“You only care about football.”

Another insane thing to say. “What are you? A neglected housewife?” Nagi spat out. Reo clenched his teeth, but he still didn’t meet Nagi’s gaze. “How can you complain about my dedication to football? It’s because of you that I even started!”

“I know!” Reo exclaimed, and both of them seemed taken aback by Reo’s tone. 

He softened his voice. “I know, and… I don’t regret it. You can become the best football player in the world.” Reo finally looked at Nagi again. The murkiness and tears were gone and were replaced with the usual clarity, but somehow, the gaze ran a shiver up Nagi’s spine. “I would never regret introducing you to it, but…” Reo seemed to struggle with the phrasing of his next words. 

“You only care about me through football.”

A moment of silence hovered between them, and Nagi could only mutter, “What?”

“What I mean is— ” Reo lowered his head again. “What I mean is that I’m only useful to you as another football player.” Nagi froze. “When I first met you, I was a tool for you to relieve your boredom. Football was just something for you to do, and I was there to guide you into it. Like a mentor figure, and it was _fine_. But, then at Blue Lock… I couldn’t help you in football anymore, and you left.” Reo gripped his knees harshly at the memory, and Nagi thought he saw a tremor run through his hands. “You couldn’t grow using me as another player, so you left. Which was fine, too— it was the _correct_ decision to make. At that time, you couldn’t become better by playing with me. You _needed_ Isagi.”

As level as Reo’s voice was, Nagi could hear the tension in it. The tight control Reo held over his voice masked all the emotions that recounting Blue Lock unearthed in him— anger at the abandonment, shame at the rejection of Reo as a player, and hurt. Nagi didn’t know what to call the feeling straining his heart— it was infinitely more complex and heavy than guilt. Admitting these things must be painful, Nagi thought, yet Reo was as truthful as always. 

“Even back then, I knew once I lost you in football, you would have nothing to do with me. And I was right. When you were playing with Isagi, you didn’t once reach out to me…” Nagi felt a noxious tar settle his bones. How long had Reo felt like this? Since that moment they first split in Blue Lock? Or perhaps even before then? 

Reo continued, “Since then, I’ve been doing everything I can to catch up with you. At first it was revenge, but then it was desire… a desire for you to acknowledge me as a football player. Because if you acknowledged me, then you would care for me, even if in your own limited way…” Reo clenched his jaw. “And it worked for a while. Even though you only ever reached out to talk about football, even though we only ever met to train… I was happy to be with you. Just that was enough.”

“But you saw through it. You knew I wasn’t playing selfishly anymore— that I no longer cared about becoming the best. That I was only playing to be next to you...” Reo’s knuckles were white from gripping his knees so tightly. 

“You saw it, and you were disgusted, right?” 

Nagi couldn’t answer; he could only recall the fury that had blazed through his bones when Reo had sent that improbable volley to him.

Reo answered for him. “You saw it, and you were disgusted, and you could no longer acknowledge me… You only cared about me as a football player, so I tried becoming the best there was, and you still hated me. It wouldn’t matter if I became the world’s best… you still wouldn’t care precisely because I’m only playing for you.”

Reo gave a deep sigh. “It’s impossible, right? I dragged you into football because of a childhood dream, but somehow that dream became a responsibility. I _had_ to follow you into football. What else could I have done?

“Maybe that’s an excuse. When my motivation changed from becoming the best to being with you, it seems like everything I wanted became impossible to realize.”

In all the scenarios that Nagi had imagined of their reunion, Reo was vicious— vicious in a way he only reserved for others, with the whole weight of his ego pressing down on his opponent. It was a tool he had never inflicted upon Nagi, but Nagi thought that today, Reo would finally unleash his whole, brute strength. And it would signify the final rupture in their relationship, making Nagi become completely outside Reo’s world. 

But today, just the opposite had happened: Reo kept assisting Nagi, answering his questions calmly even as Nagi felt he would boil over. He was still being soft to Nagi. And now, Reo revealed that it was not Nagi who would be removed from Reo’s world, but it was Reo who had _always_ been removed from Nagi’s world. Nagi had wondered what sort of hurt Reo might inflict upon him, but he never would have imagined how totalizing the despair weighing his heart would be now. 

Nagi’s mind spun rapidly, trying to think of paths to counter, but he couldn’t see anything. It wasn’t true, was it? Of course football connected them; it was the greatest thing that they had in common, but their relationship was built on more than just football. In high school, they had been the closest of friends. And now… Nagi was wracking his mind for an interaction they had that was besides football.

“Why did you kiss me? Why did you sleep with me?” 

Reo gave a bitter laugh, and Nagi flushed. “Do I really need to say it?” Reo had asked the question softly, but there was a cutting edge in his voice. Nagi already suspected the answer, but he wanted to hear it from Reo.

“Nagi, I love you.” And the confession made Nagi weak in the knees. He wished that he had heard it in another circumstance, in a way that hadn’t been forced out so brutally, but even now, he wanted to answer it.

“Then, I—”

But before Nagi could respond, Reo cut him off with an intimidatingly final tone. “You can’t honestly tell me that you love me.”

And the blood that rose in Nagi’s cheeks became even hotter because Reo was right, yet again. Nagi was angry and upset and scared, and he couldn’t get his head straight. Was it love? Nagi never needed to think about it; he had never felt a need to label any emotions he felt for Reo. They always just _were,_ as natural as the sky hanging over the sea. 

Reo said, “I pushed my feelings onto you, and you accepted because of some misplaced closeness to me. It was my mistake.” And with creeping clarity, Nagi realized what Reo was trying to say: that Nagi had accepted the situation out of convenience, that they were just friends with benefits, and the sex didn’t actually _mean_ anything.

The hair on the back of Nagi’s neck rose. “You’re wrong—”

“Then tell me how you feel about me.” And any words in Nagi’s throat seemed to die. What could he say? Nagi had never felt a need to name the relationship between him and Reo because it was so unique that it didn’t need a name. They were friends, and they were lovers, and of course Nagi cared for Reo. But was it love? And did the care stem from a promise made long ago? Had they only been together because of a dream Reo once had? And now that the dream was over, was it only natural for their “together” to end as well?

Reo was looking so desperately hurt now that Nagi wondered how long in their togetherness was Nagi inflicting himself upon Reo, widening an open wound on his friend. “I care about you—” Nagi said, and even _he_ could hear the weakness in the statement, and any further words died in his mouth. There was nothing else to say. 

The tense air settled around the pair, and Nagi had no path to counterattack. In this game, Reo had dominated the field without even meaning to. Without Nagi even noticing. 

Reo cleared his throat and returned to his desk. He finally said, “You know the nature of our relationship now. You don’t need to come back to this office.”

 _Ah_ , Nagi thought. So _this_ was the last time that he’d ever meet Reo. He got up and left quietly, softly shutting the door behind him. 

* * *

**Author’s Note:** We are deep in the cesspools of angst and suffering that was the original reason I wrote this fic Ψ(｀▽´)Ψ. This last scene was the first scene that I wrote for this fic. If you reread up to this point (but _don’t_ bc that’s too many words), I wrote every scene in consideration of this scene. It’s the central tragedy— to try, but through the act of trying, to meet your doom.

We’re at 50k words (this chapter was a particular behemoth), but it’s not over yet. There’s still a happy ending to be had! When I was choosing where to make chapters, I felt like I was being very kind— up until this point, there weren’t any real cliffhangers. But now, it is time for you all to suffer. 

On a lighter note, even tho I have read over 700 chapters of football manga, I know jack shit about its rules, and writing football scenes are TORTURE. (Also, in case you didn’t know what a bicycle kick is, [they look like this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H9DR0W1mbZs)! Really rare and super cool) I swear they take 10x the amount of time to write over literally every other scene and sometimes I read them back and I'm like... (◕︿◕✿). So now that Reo has quit football… it’s tragic BUT I am rejoicing.


	8. Chapter 8

The next few days, Nagi felt as if he were stuck in a deep miasma, but life continued in its relentless way. He went to practice, and he went to his apartment, and he tried to keep the swirling storm of thoughts about Reo at bay because there was no sense in trying to think about Reo. No sense in being caught in the riptide just to drown in past memories. They were never going to see each other again.

Sometimes, fans would hang around the training grounds, clamoring for autographs or a few kind words from a player. Now that Nagi’s profile had risen sharply since being chosen for the U-20 team, the number of fans coming in specifically for him had snowballed. His teammates liked to tease Nagi about all the women and girls fawning over him by saying, “You haven’t had a girlfriend in a while, right? You can pick and choose as many as you want now.” But Nagi never seriously entertained it (honestly, it was a gross mindset), even before his complicated relationship with Reo. 

The team’s management liked to impress on him the importance of being courteous to fans, so Nagi would sometimes come up to the fence to sign a few things and say a few words (though nothing substantially more than ‘Thank you for your support’). However, he always found it a little awkward, and since his last conversation with Reo, Nagi had no interest in interacting with anyone, much less strangers, so he had strictly ignored the people at the fence. 

It had been three days since Nagi last spoke with Reo. The team no longer discussed Reo’s disappearance, acting as if the event was rooted firmly in the past (and in a way, it _was_ ). Nagi wished that he could act the same, but memories of the two of them together constantly surfaced in his mind when he wasn’t occupied. Nagi was grateful for football now. If he hadn’t been playing, he thought he might go insane. 

Today, after practice, Miki sidled up to Nagi and nudged him in the ribs. Nagi had to remind himself not to say anything sharp— there was no reason to be upset at anyone just because he was feeling bad about Reo. “What is it?” he asked Miki.

“Isn’t that Reo’s girl?” And Nagi’s head snapped towards the crowd of fans outside the gate so quickly that his neck ached. He strained his eyes to look through the crowd. Sure enough, there she was— Hanako Hanazawa. Even in the heat, she looked incredibly cool, and she was staring directly at Nagi. Nagi thought for a moment that approaching her would be troublesome, but it was a ripe opportunity to hear about Reo, and Nagi couldn’t stop himself from walking up to the fence. 

The closer Nagi got to Hanazawa-san, the colder her stare seemed until only the chain link fence separated them, and Nagi shivered under the arctic atmosphere. The crowd noticed the tension between the two, and they instinctively parted to give space to Hanazawa-san and Nagi. It didn’t erase Nagi’s nervousness; there was a distinct risk of someone filming this conversation. Even internet rumors could prove to be deadly.

Hanazawa-san was clearly waiting for Nagi to say something, but with this atmosphere, it felt like someone had a chokehold on his throat.

“How is Reo?” he asked.

Her ruby painted lips immediately frowned. “This is the first time we’ve met. No greeting? No introduction? Do you even have any idea of how rude you’re being?” Nagi smarted a little from the verbal lashing.

“You’re hardly in an appropriate state for a serious conversation,” she said, and Nagi became hyper aware of how sweaty he was. What did she expect, though? Practice had just ended. 

“Sorry. If you give me some time, I can shower and meet you later so that we can talk.” 

She tsked, saying, “I’ve already waited long enough for you. Go to the entrance. My chauffeur will meet you there, and we can talk in the car.” She spun on her heel and left, not waiting for a response from Nagi. The exchange made him want to grumble; it reminded him of how pushy his classmates could be in high school.

When Nagi arrived at the entrance, the chauffeur's uniform made it obvious who he had to approach. Like Hanazawa-san, the chauffeur was also attracting attention from passersby, and when the chauffeur saw Nagi, he extended his arm out, pointing to a black car with tinted windows. Nagi figured that Hanazawa-san was already inside it. The chauffeur opened the door, allowing Nagi to catch a glimpse of Hanazawa-san, who was staring out the window on her side. With a little dread, Nagi entered the backseat of the vehicle. She didn’t turn to greet him. 

It was overly air conditioned inside the vehicle, raising goosebumps on Nagi’s arm, and the faint scent of Hanazawa-san’s perfume lingered in the small space. She was wearing an emerald green blouse that had some lustre in the light, along with a form-fitting pencil skirt. She wore a deep red lipstick that contrasted well with her shirt. Her elbow-length hair looked pristinely untouched, as if she hadn’t been waiting in the hot sun for Nagi, as spotless as her image in magazines. 

“Reo-kun has told me about you.” She was still looking out the window, one hand neatly tucked underneath her chin. The car started moving, and Nagi wondered if he should ask where they were going. “He’s told me quite a lot, in fact.”

“What did he say about me?” Nagi wondered if the feeling he had right now was smugness— a kind of excitement in knowing that Reo was so preoccupied with thoughts of Nagi that Reo mentioned Nagi to his new lover. It was an ugly sort of feeling.

“It was a bit sudden for me. He approached me less than a week ago.” 

Nagi wanted to roll his eyes at how blatantly she was ignoring him. What she was saying was useful, though: Nagi could reconstruct a rough timeline of what had happened: Reo and Nagi’s last conversation was three days ago, and he learned of Hanazawa-san the day before that. So he must have gotten together with Hanazawa-san shortly after he announced his departure from football.

“Are you dating now?” Nagi wasn’t sure if he wanted to hear the answer.

“This is day two of a tentative relationship,” she said. Nagi cursed how fast Reo acted— immediately after their conversation, Reo had made his status with Hanazawa-san official. 

“Of course, our parents have proposed that we have a relationship for years now.” Nagi couldn’t stop himself from reacting with shock. It seemed like Hanazawa-san could see him in the reflection of the window because she sighed.

“Pick your jaw up. Nothing ever happened between us. I wasn’t particularly interested, and Reo continuously rejected any advances my parents made. I had thought it was because he didn’t want anything to tie him down to the Mikage corporation so that he could fully pursue his dream of becoming a professional footballer.”

“In retrospect, that wasn’t it. It was because of you. Reo-kun is too much of a hopeless romantic for my liking. So, when Reo-kun told me that he was interested in a relationship, of course I was suspicious. I asked him to explain himself, and he did. I know everything about the two of you together.”

Nagi raised his eyebrows at the word _everything_ , but before he could ask anything, she cut him off again. 

“Now, I’m explaining things to you because I don’t want you to misunderstand. There’s no hope for a relationship between you and Reo-kun.” Even though Nagi had already known this, it hurt to have it repeated bluntly by a stranger. “If there was, I wouldn’t have agreed to a relationship with Reo-kun. I don’t believe in wasting my time in such ways.”

“Reo-kun has the resolution to completely leave football. That means he also has the resolution to leave you. Simply put, you no longer have any weight in his life. You can struggle against this as much as you want, but Reo-kun will not be changing his mind, so it would be a waste of your time.”

“But based on what Reo-kun said, you can be… impulsive, so I want to give you a different warning. If you reach out to him, you will hurt him.” That reminder stung as well. “I don’t have any emotional attachment to Reo-kun yet, but as his current romantic partner, I have a duty to try and protect him. Which is the only reason I would take time out of my busy day to see you. If you have any fondness for him left, leave him alone.”

Nagi grit his teeth. He had expected to never see Reo again, but this conversation with Hanazawa-san was confirming the reality of that. And he hated it; it was like Hanazawa-san was being sent in Reo’s place to break up with him (again). It was unfair. 

“Does Reo know that you’re talking to me, now?”

“He will tonight.”

“Then let him know I’ll accept this if he tells me in person.”

Finally, Hanazawa-san turned to face Nagi. Her gaze was still cold and a little spiteful. She gently placed a hand on Nagi’s forearm, touching it so lightly that Nagi wasn’t even sure if the action even happened, but he still shivered from it. 

“I won’t,” she said.

Nagi didn’t realize that her words could become even colder, but when she spoke, Nagi froze from how bitterly frightening they were. Each syllable felt deliberate, like the sharp cadence of an ice pick being struck into a glacier.

“I’m surprised at how destructive you are towards someone you call your best friend. If you were only lovers with Reo-kun, I could understand. But you act so thoughtlessly cruel to him, even I’m speechless. How could you be like that to someone who considers you so much? It’s almost a bad joke.”

“In some ways though, it’s admirable. Your dedication to football, at the cost of everything else. His dedication to you. You two are somewhat similar.” She waved her hand as if flicking away a fly. “You can continue to try contacting Reo-kun if you want. I won’t intervene. Just know that you would continue to hurt him.”

“Not that it matters to you,” she added. She raised her voice to speak to the chauffeur. “Drop him off at the next train station.” Nagi glanced outside and realized that they weren’t too far from the practice grounds. The driver must have been circling the area while they talked. Nagi saw the train station up ahead and realized he only had time to say one more thing. 

“Does Reo love me still?” And Hanazawa-san immediately scoffed at how stupid the question was; Nagi burned from the shamelessness of it. 

“I don’t plan on sabotaging myself by answering that.” The car rolled to a stop, and Nagi exited the vehicle. As soon as he shut the door, it sped away.

There was a strange kindness in how she protected Reo; even the way that she had answered Nagi’s last question had been purposely revealing— she probably couldn’t say _Yes_ directly to him, but it was close enough. Still, Nagi felt a certain disdain towards her; in another world, they would have been friends, but in this one, Nagi only wanted Reo. And right now, he wanted Reo to only want him.

◇-◈-◇

Being chummy with Reo’s secretary during the winter turned out to be a fruitful endeavor. She didn’t find it to be suspicious for Nagi to ask when Reo might have a free minute the next day (she asked if he wanted to schedule a meeting, and Nagi vehemently insisted that he really only needed a second to chat— it’d be too much if he inconvenienced the working heir of the Mikage corporation). She told Nagi that Reo had a public-facing meeting at a prominent hotel in downtown Tokyo and would leave at 3:00 pm. While Reo was leaving, he might be able to catch a quick word in the hotel’s lobby. 

Nagi thanked the secretary and made a note to wait outside the hotel. When he arrived (a little earlier than 3:00), there was a larger amount of press than Nagi might have expected. The hotel had even set up a barricade of sorts to separate the meeting’s attendees from the press. It was a little over the top. 

Nagi found himself staring over the shoulders of a crowd of photographers and important looking people with clipboards and pens ready in their hands. Nagi scanned the crowd for a sign of Reo, but it seemed that attendee after attendee was some old, prominent businessperson (they all seemed to garner some attention from the media, and the place quickly turned into a cacophony of shouts). 

Finally, Reo came out. He stood still for a second, glancing at the press, and when he made eye-contact with Nagi, he had an expression of resignation, different from the surprise that Nagi had been expecting. Without skipping a beat, Reo walked to the barrier separating the journalists and Nagi from Reo. Reo tightly grabbed Nagi’s arm to drag him to the front of the reporters, and Nagi jumped over the barricade. Once over, Reo placed a hand on the small of Nagi’s back, guiding him to outside the hotel lobby. A number of cameras flashed to take their image.

“You don’t seem surprised to see me,” Nagi noted. A stupid thing to say when there was so much more that needed to be said. 

Flatly, Reo replied, “Did you really think that my secretary wouldn’t tell me that you wanted to contact me?” Nagi felt a little disappointed and somewhat betrayed by the secretary, but it was probably a good thing that she was so thorough in her work.

They approached a car, and Reo opened the door, gesturing for Nagi to get in. It seemed like a repeat of the incident with Hanazawa-san. Once the two of them were inside, Reo turned to Nagi and asked, “Why did you come?”

“I wanted to see you.”

Reo narrowed his eyes. _Right now_ , Nagi thought _, he must be thinking through all the reasons I might visit him._ Reo’s jaw was tight when he asked, “What can I do for you?”

Even now, after Reo had revealed how deeply he was an outsider to Nagi, the first thing he did was offer his help to Nagi. _Always with the perfect assist_ , Nagi thought, and he despised how overly reliant he was on this aspect of Reo. The car started to move, and Nagi almost asked where they were going, but Reo interrupted his question. As if reading Nagi’s mind, Reo said, “I have a meeting at my office in Nihonbashi, so you only have this ride to speak.”

Without hesitation, Nagi said, “Break up with Hanazawa-san.”

Reo’s jaw dropped a little. Was it really so surprising? A flush crept into Reo’s face, and he pointedly stared at the car seat in front of him.

“I can’t do that,” Reo mumbled. Nagi had expected an outright rejection, but this response seemed a little too weak for someone as direct as Reo. 

“I know you can’t, but I’m asking you anyways.” The flush on Reo’s face grew a little deeper. 

“She told me that she had visited you yesterday, but she said that conversation had gone relatively well…” Reo trailed off, but then said, “You don’t know what you’re asking for. You don’t even know why you’re asking for it.” Reo pressed his fingers to his temple and ran his fingers through his hair, mussing up the style a little. Then realized what he did and attempted to pat it down to maintain his presentability for his upcoming meeting. 

“You’re right, but I still want you to break up with her.” Reo shook his head.

“You’re just being jealous.” 

“Reo,” Nagi said roughly, and Reo finally turned his head. Nagi leaned in, cupping Reo’s face with one hand and the other snaking through the hair on the back of Reo’s head. It felt so different now that it was cut short. 

Reo leaned into the kiss, his lips pliant under Nagi’s. If he wasn’t seatbelted in, Nagi would’ve pulled Reo close to his body. _It’s been a while since we’ve kissed_ , Nagi thought, but the sensation was still familiar, and Nagi had missed this specific heat. Reo was right— Nagi was being jealous and overly possessive. The kiss was too pressured and insistent. His hands held Reo’s face more roughly than they should have, and Nagi felt Reo’s teeth from pressing too hard. Despite the discomfort of the kiss, Reo opened his mouth a little, inviting Nagi in (as he always did), and Nagi welcomed the warm sensation of Reo’s tongue. Nagi still didn’t ease the pressure of the kiss, his tongue demanding against Reo’s. After a moment, Reo drew away, a bit breathless and flushed. He gave Nagi a nervous look. 

He echoed Nagi’s thoughts, “You’re not even this possessive with the ball.” Nagi’s heart was thrumming nervously. He wanted to lean in and continue the kiss— maybe do more than that, but the car was slowing down.

The car stopped outside the office building, and Reo released his seatbelt. “I’ll think about it,” he said. “Come by my apartment tonight. I’ll tell security to let you in ahead of time.” Nagi nodded and watched Reo as he left, trying to fix his hair once again. 

◇-◈-◇

Nagi was lounging on the couch in Reo’s apartment, flipping through a football magazine that Reo hadn’t discarded yet. When the door opened, Nagi looked up from the article he was reading. 

“I’m home.” Reo took his shoes off, and Nagi noticed a bag of takeout in his hand.

“Welcome back. You’re back pretty late,” Nagi said. It was 22:00. Reo quickly washed his hands at the kitchen sink and dropped the takeout on the counter.

“I couldn’t come any earlier. I just finished with work.” After washing his hands, he opened the bag and split apart the chopsticks that came with the meal. Nagi padded over to the kitchen and watched Reo open the container. It was seafood stir fry. Reo silently passed Nagi another pair of chopsticks and started eating his late dinner. 

The familiarity of the gesture pained Nagi, and again, he was reminded of their easy-going interactions in high school. How he would casually pluck food from Reo’s specially prepared lunches without any protest from Reo. How Reo would pack slightly larger lunches in preparation for this. It was hard to understand how Reo could be so kind even after so many difficult conversations— he had even brought Nagi’s favorite meal (although Reo was currently eating all the squid, Nagi’s favorite part). 

“Save some for me,” Nagi grumbled, and Reo pointedly pushed a piece towards Nagi. The two ate in silence. Reo was scarfing the food down more quickly than his usual calm manner in eating. He must have been hungry from working all day. When the meal was finished, Reo washed out the containers in the sink so that they could be recycled. 

“I can’t do it,” Reo said over the running water. Nagi looked at his back in silence. “I can’t break up with Hanazawa-san. We’re too good a match; it’d be foolish to let this opportunity go to waste.” Reo turned to face Nagi. “I’m sorry.”

Nagi walked up to Reo and placed a hand on his side, staring deeply into Reo’s eyes. They were clear again. Reo flushed a little, but he didn’t avoid the gaze. “How is she a good match for you?”

“We’re both realistic,” he said simply and then added, “And we look good together.” 

“We look better,” Nagi replied, and he leaned in, but stopped when he realized that Reo was backing away. Nagi dropped his hand from Reo’s hip. 

“Our lives are compatible. She understands what it means to be the head of a business. Since we work similarly, there’s no misunderstandings between us.” He sighed and said, “I don’t know what it is you want, but our lives are incompatible now. I work this late every day. You have a sporadic schedule as well. The responsibilities we have are enormously different.”

“I don’t care.” 

“Nagi,” Reo said with an unexpectedly icy edge. Nagi wondered if Reo’s subordinates were subjected to this tone every day. Reo seemed surprised with his tone, too, and he paused. When he spoke again, his voice was much softer. “Nagi, don’t you think you’re getting my hopes up too much?” 

There was a tinge of painful vulnerability in Reo’s voice that made Nagi’s stomach sink. Reo so readily exposed his pain and hurt to Nagi when it would be much easier for him to disguise it with a cold, business-like demeanor. 

Nagi thought that he didn’t deserve this distinct kindness. The memory of _I don’t want to lie anymore,_ flashed into his head, and guilt touched Nagi again. He wished he could grab Reo and hold him tightly, but it wouldn’t help now.

“I left the football team with the resolve to give up on you,” Reo said. “So why are you pursuing me now? It doesn’t make sense… Are you simply being possessive? Or maybe you’re angry at what I said before and you want to prove me wrong…” Reo backed away from Nagi and pressed his back against the sink’s counter. He crossed his arms in front of him. “Is this the first time you’re losing someone important to you, and you’re just scared?” 

After a pause, Reo said, “You don’t need me anymore. I was the one who taught you about football, but… you’ve outgrown me.” Nagi wanted to interrupt to deny it all, but Reo stopped him before he could speak.

He shook his head. “Whatever it is, I can’t trust it.”

“You always have to analyze everything,” Nagi said. “I want you now. Isn’t that enough?” He took a step towards Reo, but Reo held his hands out and lightly pushed Nagi away. Nagi wondered if Reo could feel his heart thudding with just that movement. Reo ducked his head down. _Don’t do that_ , Nagi thought, but he couldn’t voice it. Reo dropped his hands, but Nagi didn’t try to get closer. 

“Do you even have anything to say to me?” Reo asked. He glanced up again at Nagi with a strange timidity, like a mouse peering up to a cat. It made Nagi’s gut churn.

“I miss you. I want to make things right between us.”

“Right?” Reo echoed and then sighed. “Is there even a right between us?”

“You said you loved me.” 

Reo broke off his eye contact and stared at the floor. “It doesn’t mean anything.” Nagi’s breath caught in his throat.

“How can you say that?” And this time, Nagi followed his impulse to reach out to Reo, interweaving their fingers together, and he thought about the night before they received their invitations to Blue Lock. Nagi squeezed Reo’s hand, hoping to convey his complicated feelings. 

Nagi said, “I wouldn’t ignore your feelings like that.” Reo stayed silent, but Nagi persisted. “You said that you spent a long time trying to live in a way that would please me— in a way that wasn’t truthful to yourself… I want you to be truthful now. If you still feel something for me, I want to accept it.”

“And if I don’t?” Reo asked in voice barely above a whisper. 

Nagi’s throat felt thick. He squeezed Reo’s hands tighter. “Then I don’t know. Whether to chase you or to let you go… I don’t know what I would do.”

After a long pause, Reo tilted his head back and released a long breath. “I’m hopeless,” Reo muttered. “Come back tomorrow. I want to break up with Hanazawa-san properly.” Nagi’s eyes widened. Reo brushed past him without meeting his eyes. “I’m going to take a shower. You can leave now.”

The door to the bathroom clicked shut, leaving Nagi alone with his thudding heart. _There’s still hope_ , he thought.

◇-◈-◇

After practice the next day, Nagi headed straight for Reo’s apartment. It was 18:00; practice had let out early. The apartment, as expected, was empty. Nagi mindlessly rifled through the place; although clean and sparse, the apartment felt lived in to Nagi. Perhaps he felt that way because of how familiar he had become with this place; since high school, Reo had made little changes to the apartment, and most of the changes were adjustments that spoke of Nagi’s existence.

A mug that Nagi received from a team trying to recruit him once, now set aside in the cupboard next to the wine glasses. A towel he used to use to wipe off sweat during practice tucked into the oven’s handle. A bad sketch of Tokyo Dorompa that Nagi had made about three years ago after going to a football game and being fascinated by the strange mascot. When he finished with the drawing, Reo had immediately pinned it to the fridge with a satisfied smile, joking that Nagi would join the team— Nagi immediately denying it and telling him that he would only play for the Reds. 

The memory of Reo in high school with that mug, sipping some extravagantly expensive cocoa that was just one of the perks of being the heir to a massive fortune. He turned the handle towards Nagi to share the drink, and Nagi thought he could remember the sweet, rich taste of chocolate on his lips. For a moment, it felt like a string was plucked too hard in Nagi’s heart. He frowned, thinking that he was too in-shape to be having heart problems. 

Even after the tumultuous turns in their relationship, Reo still hadn’t taken down that dumb drawing.

In the middle of his reminiscing, Nagi heard the door unlatch. That was unexpected— 18:30 was rather early for Reo to come back. Nagi began saying welcome back, but he stopped mid-way as he realized that it wasn’t Reo who had entered the apartment. 

It was Hanako Hanazawa. She gingerly set her heels aside and strided into the kitchen towards Nagi. A hint of her floral perfume now emanated in the room. Nagi swallowed. The first time they had met hadn’t been particularly congenial, and he doubted that this time would be any better. 

“Nagi-san,” she said. He easily returned the greeting, but for an awkward moment after that, both of them were left without words. Hanazawa-san was immaculate, as always. Her dark hair flowed off her back, and her scarlet lipstick perfectly covered her lips. Her dark eyes met Nagi’s gaze. _Reo was right_ , Nagi thought. _They would look good together._

“I apologize for what I said last time,” she continued. “About you no longer having any weight in Reo-kun’s life. It’s evidently untrue.” She walked past Nagi to grab one of the wine glasses sitting next to Nagi’s mug, and she plucked a random bottle of wine from the rack. In the short amount of time she had become close to Reo, she must have become familiar with this place too. Nagi soured upon realizing that the two of them must have drunk alcohol together. After pouring herself a generous glass, Hanazawa-san took a delicate sip. Her lips left a slight stain on the glass’ rim. 

“So Reo must have—"

“Yes, he ended our relationship. It was unexpectedly… fast. Just one day after we talk, and Reo-kun sets me aside.” She narrowed her eyes at that and took another small sip. “But while explaining that he wanted to break up, it was obvious that neither Reo-kun nor you understand what’s happening in your relationship. I don’t like being discarded for something so insubstantial.” She tapped a finger against the wine glass’ rim, and Nagi noticed that her nails were painted a similar red to her lips.

“Nagi-san, I don’t suppose that you have an actual explanation?” Hanazawa-san didn’t seem angry when speaking, although frustration was evident in her voice. Nagi was irritated regardless. Who was she to interfere with them? 

On the other hand, wasn’t it natural for her to feel exactly the same way about Nagi? If anything, wasn’t Nagi the true interferer?

“He likes me better, I suppose.” Nagi said, halfway hoping to provoke her.

She frowned at his statement and swirled the wine in the glass. “I knew that coming into the relationship with him. But Reo-kun told me that I wouldn’t need to worry about you pursuing him since you only had your mind set on football. He’s normally very good with these kinds of judgments. I’m wondering what changed with you.”

Another flare of irritation lit up inside Nagi. Two consecutive days of having his motives questioned was hurting his brain. “What do you mean, changed? Reo and I are friends. Even if he left football, we would still be friends.”

And Nagi thought about, _You only care about me through football_. How deeply those words had cut into him, have kept cutting into him over the past few days.

“That's a natural attitude to have between most friends, but for you…” She put down the glass. “And besides, being his friend is not the same as being his lover. You could always choose to maintain a distant friendship with Reo-kun without...” she gestured vaguely in the air with her wine glass, “all this.”

“I don’t have to explain myself to you,” he snapped. 

“Of course not,” she answered coolly. “It would be helpful to me if you did, though. So that I could know what to expect in the coming months and act accordingly.”

“What do you mean?” Nagi wasn’t especially inclined to be helpful to Hanazawa-san, but she was obviously alluding to something, and Nagi couldn’t help his curiosity.

She paused and took to swirling the wine again. “Well, if it’s just a fit of jealousy, I expect you to grow tired of Reo-kun and maybe even resent him after a few months. Or is it perhaps that you’re worried that you’ll lose Reo-kun if you aren’t his lover? I can assure you that that’s not the case. He’d happily continue being friends with you. In any case, I’m wondering how long I should wait for your relationship to end so that I can resume the engagement with Reo-kun.”

Nagi felt himself burn with indignation. “You can’t do that.”

She lifted a slender eyebrow. “Why not? I think it would be worth it to wait a few months if your relationship will burn out in that time. There are not many marriage matches as suitable for me as Reo-kun is. The same can be said for Reo-kun. In time, we may even fall in love.”

The last sentence started to make the edges of Nagi’s vision go red, and he reminded himself that it wouldn’t be good to pick a fight with the heiress to a billion-dollar technology company. “It won’t happen. We’ll be together longer than however long you plan to wait.”

“Hmm, but you seem so uncertain now,” she replied. She took a longer sip from the glass this time. “This conversation has given me good insight. I think I will wait around for a few months. When the time comes, you can be sure to entrust Reo-kun to me.”

“You shouldn't be so sure.” 

“If I’m full of confidence, it’s only because the two of you seem so uncertain. Even as Reo-kun was breaking up with me, he seemed hesitant to do so. You really are an unreliable person, Nagi-san.” Nagi smarted as if she had struck him with a sharp backhand even if she was just drinking from her glass blamelessly.

“You should be grateful that I’ve come to talk to you today. Now you know what’s in Reo-kun’s mind. We think very similarly.”

She waited for a moment, but Nagi said nothing. “You’re a very quiet person, Nagi-san. It’s not helping you.” She took one last drink from the glass before gingerly setting it aside on the counter. “I’ll let Reo-kun know that I’ll wait for him for 6 months. I hope you can sort out your feelings by then. It’d be unfortunate if that time passed, Reo-kun lost you, and was then left with no one else to rely on.”

She turned from Nagi and headed back to her shoes. As she slipped her heels on, Nagi called out after her. 

“Hanazawa-san!” She turned her head to look at him. “I should thank you for considering Reo’s feelings… but I want to let you know that I intend to hold onto him for much longer than 6 months.”

She finished adjusting her shoes, and as she left simply said, “We’ll see.”

◇-◈-◇

Nagi was left to mull over what Hanazawa-san said for several hours before Reo returned to his apartment. When the door clicked open, Nagi perked up with nervous anticipation. But when Reo entered the apartment, his eyes were obviously fatigued.

“I’m home,” he said softly as he took in Nagi’s figure.

“Welcome back,” Nagi answered.

Even though he wanted to talk about Hanazawa-san, seeing the creases under Reo’s eyes made him question if this was a good time. Nagi got up and wrapped his arms around Reo, who melted a little in his embrace. “Did you eat dinner?” he asked, and Reo nodded into his shoulder.

“Was Hanazawa-san here?” Nagi stiffened a little.

“How did you know?”

“There’s a wine glass with a lipstick stain on the counter.” Ah. Nagi had forgotten to put it away.

Reo pulled away from the hug and untied his tie. He moved towards the bedroom to change into more comfortable clothes, and he called out loudly, “What did she say?”

Nagi hesitated. She already said that she would let Reo know about their conversation, so it only made sense to be completely forthcoming, but there were several things that Nagi was hesitant to voice.

“She said that she would wait six months for you.”

Reo poked his head out from the doorway, revealing a sliver of exposed shoulder. “Wait, what?”

Nagi stepped into the bedroom where Reo was neatly putting away his work clothes. “She said if we break up within six months, you can return to her and resume your engagement.” The words were thick on his tongue.

“But why would she tell _you_ that?”

“I don’t know. Don’t you know her better than me?” Nagi sighed and flopped onto Reo’s bed, and Reo took a seat, his legs hanging over the end. “The first thing she asked was an explanation for why you broke up with her.”

“Ah.”

After a beat of silence, Nagi asked, “Why did you?”

“You asked me to.” Another beat of silence, and Reo said, “And I like you.”

“Didn’t you say that you loved me before?”

Annoyed, Reo jabbed Nagi’s leg with an elbow.

“I love you, too.”

And Reo froze from Nagi’s abrupt confession, but Nagi felt loose-limbed and content. He had never said those words in a romantic context before, and he had expected them to feel heavy and rich, like cream on his lips. But the way the words rolled off clearly from his tongue reminded him of the sweet, clear taste of water.

From this angle, Nagi could only see the back of Reo’s head, but he could tell that Reo’s shoulders were set in a nervous, tense line. Reo hadn’t responded to his confession.

“Stay with me,” Nagi said. 

Reo finally turned around. He was smiling, but there was some tightness in his eyes. Nagi’s breath faltered a bit— he should have known that things wouldn’t be so easy. But when Reo answered, “Of course,” Nagi’s heart strengthened, and he sat up. 

“Then we’re officially boyfriends. We should commemorate this moment.” And Nagi pulled Reo on top of him and kissed him softly.

* * *

**Author’s Note:** So I love Hanazawa-san; I think she is an absolute badass, especially when she tells Nagi that he’s treated Reo like shit. In other news, Nagi has finally confessed and defined the relationship, and they’re boyfriends now, but as you can tell, there are a lot of unresolved issues… (◞‸◟ ；). A final detail that's easy to miss: there are a few moments in this fic where Nagi will lean in to try and kiss Reo, and Reo backs away or turns his head a little. And then Nagi doesn't push. And idk what I want to say about it really except that the two of them are best friends, and Nagi cares a lot about Reo.

We’re almost at the end.


	9. Chapter 9

Even though Nagi and Reo had officially labeled their relationship (boyfriends! sometimes, the thought made Nagi giddy), they hadn’t made the fact public yet. Being seen together in public didn’t raise any tabloid alarms considering that the media already knew that they were childhood friends and former teammates. And because they didn’t engage in much public affection (aside from easily overlooked holding hands or hugs) there wasn’t much worry in being exposed. 

Nagi knew that it couldn’t last, though. Reo had mentioned that his parents were furious about how swiftly he had ended that tentative relationship with Hanazawa-san and that they were already pressuring him to consider other possible engagements (To her credit, it seemed that Hanazawa-san didn’t spill the beans to Reo’s parents). 

Moreover, Nagi _wanted_ people to know that they were officially together— it was a strange possessiveness that he was unaccustomed to. When Reo asked (forced) Nagi to accompany him to a charity gala, he was caught off guard by how unpleasant others’ slick smiles and lingering eyes could be when cast on Reo. More than once, Nagi wrapped his arm around Reo’s shoulder and pulled him in close (to the consternation of the possible suitors, though they assumed he was simply an overprotective childhood friend). 

But then Reo would give him a sharp look, and Nagi would have to reluctantly withdraw his hand. There was a kind of bitterness on Nagi’s tongue. Of course there would be repercussions if they were openly dating (perhaps more so for Reo than Nagi), but there was a way in which it seemed so trivial. Now that they were no longer on the same team, there didn’t seem to be a reason to have to hide their relationship.

But Reo insisted on keeping it quiet, and though it unsettled Nagi, he agreed to follow his wishes. 

It led to some awkward situations in public. For example, right now, there was a starry-eyed fan staring up at Nagi whose eyes shined with something more than admiration. Nagi had to admit that she was cute in the way that she seemed to vibrate with excitement upon looking at Nagi (the same way an overexcited puppy might be cute), but with Reo right next to him, he was reluctant to interact with her even as a fan.

“Can you take a picture with me?” she asked, her eyes intensely sparkling and her smile stretching from cheek to cheek. 

“Sorry, I’m out with my friend and—”

“You should do it,” Reo said. The girl beamed even more brightly, and Reo held out his hand. “I can take the picture for you.” Without hesitating, she dropped her phone into Reo’s hand and posed next to Nagi, throwing out a peace sign and a happy smile. 

She stood close enough that Nagi could smell her citrus perfume wafting from her body. Nagi’s hand hovered perhaps a millimeter away from her bare shoulder (she was wearing a fashionable, open-shoulder top), but she suddenly straightened her back, and Nagi’s hand fully made contact with her soft skin. Nagi felt himself grimace slightly, but Reo shot him a look, and he quickly schooled his face into something that wouldn’t be crucified if posted on social media.

After the photo, the girl happily (and forwardly) hugged Nagi, and Nagi was startled to realize that she was so small, he could rest his chin on the top of her head. Then, she scribbled something on a piece of paper and shoved it into his hand before blushing furiously and running away. The unfolded paper revealed a quickly scrawled number and email address. 

Reo peered at the piece of paper curiously. “She added a little heart to it,” he noted.

Nagi felt himself fluster with embarrassment. “I’ll throw it away when I find a trash can.”

Reo plucked the paper from his fingers and shoved it into his pocket. Then, he turned to Nagi and asked, “Would you have texted her if we weren’t dating?”

With an incredulous look, Nagi said, “Of course not.”

“Why not?”

“She doesn’t interest me.”

Reo hummed in response, and Nagi thought he would let the topic go, but Reo then asked. “And I do?”

Shooting Reo another confused look, Nagi asked, “What do you mean?”

There was something complicated flickering in Reo’s eyes, but Nagi wasn’t quite sure what to name the emotion. Reo asked, “Do I interest you?”

It was a strange question— interest was a word that you might use when looking at some new thing— something that might pique your interest simply from its strangeness. But he and Reo had known each other for years now, and _interest_ wasn’t a good way to describe how Nagi felt about Reo. It was something steadier and more solid than mere interest. 

“It’s different,” he ventured. “It’s more like… comfort. You feel comfortable to me.”

The complicated look hadn’t disappeared even after that answer. “You love me,” Reo said, and he worded it like a statement, but it felt tenuous, almost like a question. Nagi nodded in response. Finally satisfied, Reo grabbed his hand.

“I love you, too,” he finally said.

Nagi raised his hand to cup the side of Reo’s face, running his thumb gently across his cheek, and he wished that he could capture his boyfriend’s lips right now. But they were in public, and even though Reo’s cheeks became rosy at his touch, Nagi decided to restrain himself. 

◇-◈-◇

“Do you miss football?”

Nagi had curled himself into Reo who in turn had an arm wrapped around Nagi. Their legs were currently tangled, and it was hot enough to where Nagi was considering unraveling himself from their octopus-like embrace, but there was a way in which he liked clinging onto Reo. Maybe for just a few more moments.

Reo had been silent long enough that Nagi was about to ask the question again, but then he finally said, “I miss parts of it.”

“Like what?”

Reo threaded his fingers through Nagi’s hair. “I loved playing with you.” There was a touch of mourning in his voice that made Nagi swallow. “But only sometimes. In the beginning, I thought it was exhilarating.”

Nagi finally pulled away from Reo, but it was so that they could look into each other’s eyes. In the darkness of the bedroom, Nagi tried to parse the expression on Reo’s face, but as usual, it was complicated. Reo’s eyelashes fluttered against the backdrop of his wine-dark eyes. 

“I ruined it for you.”

Reo shook his head and then smiled as if to reassure Nagi, but the way it tugged at Nagi’s heart only troubled him further. Nagi wondered when the nature of Reo’s smiles had changed: in high school, they had reminded Nagi of the warm sun, but these days, they dripped with wintery melancholy.

“It’s not really your fault,” Reo said quietly, and Nagi hated the way that Reo tried to absolve him of blame. “Without you, I would have never tried to pursue that dream. And that means I wouldn’t have experienced a lot of happy moments. I’d never regret it.”

Reo had laced his fingers with Nagi’s, pressing their palms together, and again, Nagi thought about the night before Blue Lock. Even in the darkness, Nagi could see how intently Reo was staring at him, and it took the words from his throat. 

“Without football, I would never have met you. I would have regretted that.”

Nagi focused on the heat that pressed together in their hands, and he tried to form words to the secretive feelings in his heart. “You told me before you wanted to teach me a football that I love, and you kept that promise. But, more than that…”

And Nagi closed his eyes, trying to summon the right words to describe the beating thing in his heart. “You taught me how to feel at home with another person. How not to be alone.”

Reo didn’t answer; just kept looking at him with those inscrutable eyes. Nagi nudged his leg lightly with his foot and said, “Tell me what you’re thinking of now.”

Reo sighed. “You’re unfair, Nagi.”

A pause from Reo, and then, “For as long as you want, I’ll stay with you.” 

Nagi leaned in to kiss Reo, but he sensed reluctance from Reo, and Nagi pulled back again. Reo shook his head and pulled Nagi’s face to his for a deep kiss. As Nagi gripped Reo’s collar to pull him closer, he thought about how warm Reo felt. He thought that again as his hands roamed across Reo’s body underneath their shared quilt, and again while Reo’s legs were wrapped around his midsection as they moved slowly together, in perfect union. And as Reo gave soft gasps of pleasure while Nagi kissed his throat, Nagi thought, _forever_. _I want you to stay forever_.

Later in bed, with Reo nestled into Nagi’s chest, Nagi felt a pang as he looked down on his sleeping partner’s figure. He thought, _I want to be a reliable person for you,_ and _I want you to say what you really mean to me._ Nagi ran a hand through Reo’s hair, and Reo unconsciously leaned into the touch, making Nagi’s heart skip a beat. 

_I want to keep this happiness for just a little longer_ , Nagi thought as he drifted to sleep.

◇-◈-◇

It was close to the end of the season, and it looked like the Urawa Reds would not be taking home the title: they were still in 5th place, and there weren’t enough games for them to pull ahead to anything more than 3rd place. The manager reminded them that they couldn’t slack off even at the end of the season: they still had to think about corporate sponsorships and their fans, so he explicitly threatened to dump the slackers during the off season.

Reo hadn’t come to any matches despite Nagi inviting him to the ones in Saitama and Tokyo. But it didn’t upset Nagi— from the look on his face after each invitation, Nagi could tell that the pain of leaving football was still raw for him.

After another grueling day of practice, Nagi was sitting in the clubhouse. The next game was against FC Tokyo, and he was thinking about the dumb drawing he had made of that mascot years ago that was still hanging on Reo’s fridge. The manager had told him that he would be a reserve member for the next game but that he should still expect to play. The match was in Tokyo, and Nagi was contemplating asking Reo to attend again. Maybe it would be easier if he stopped inviting Reo for the rest of the season.

Nagi hadn’t lost his passion for football; he was still engaged and in love with the sport, but he couldn’t deny that there was an emptiness in the void where his dream with Reo once lived. 

“It might be dangerous for you to think so deeply, Nagi-kun.” Nagi glanced up and met Miki’s gaze. Miki held out a hot coffee drink, and Nagi gratefully took it into his hands, letting the warmth seep into his chilled body. “What are you thinking about?”

“I—” Nagi hesitated to say something to Miki. He couldn’t give too many details away; after all, Reo still wanted to keep their relationship quiet. But these thoughts had been building up inside his head for a while, and he thought just voicing them aloud might relieve some pressure. 

Miki gave a patient smile that surprised Nagi. “Take your time. I’ll listen to whatever you have to say.” It was strange for Miki to act reliably, but Nagi thought about that time when Reo just announced his departure from football and how gently Miki had acted then. 

“What do you do if something you have with someone turns into something else?”

Miki’s dependable demeanor immediately melted away as he suddenly clutched his heart and bent over. “Don’t tell me! Did you finally fall in love?”

Unimpressed, Nagi’s lips flattened and he thought of leaving. Upon seeing Nagi’s face, Miki suddenly straightened out and said, “Wait! I’m just joking!”

Nagi thought for a second, wondering if it would be worth the time to talk to Miki, and he finally decided to say, “You’re right. I’m in love.”

Miki’s jaw dropped, but he contained his shock to a moment. In a more serious tone, Miki asked, “It’s a good thing, right?”

Nagi bit the inside of his lip. “I think so. We want to be together. But there’s also a lot of… complicated history. And, sometimes, I feel like it might be impossible to overcome. I’m not sure what I should do, or if I should do anything.”

“What do you mean by complicated history?”

Again, Nagi bit the inside of his lip. “I can’t be specific. But I guess… what we thought we would be is different from what we are now. And when things started changing, there was a lot of pain because of that.”

“A lot of it was my fault,” Nagi said quietly. “I didn’t understand what was happening to them, and I did things that hurt them.”

“Did you apologize?”

Nagi tried to think back on his conversations with Reo, but as he was searching, Miki suddenly said, “If you have to think about it, you didn’t apologize well enough.” And Nagi looked at Miki, who offered a pacifying smile. “I don’t mean it in a mean way, but you would probably remember a serious, sincere apology.”

Nagi suddenly felt flush with shame— what Miki was saying was true. How had he overlooked this for so long? Miki must have seen the disquiet in his face because he suddenly hummed as if breaking out in thought. 

“You’ve grown up, Nagi.”

Again, Nagi looked at the older player with surprise. 

“I don’t think I’ve truly been in love yet, so maybe the advice I’m giving isn’t useful. But generally, when you hurt someone, it’s good to reflect and apologize. As for change… even if things don’t go according to your expectations, the result can still be good. And you might regret losing that future you wanted, but… you live _now_. Isn’t it better to be present in the moment?”

“It seems like your present moment has been good for you.” Miki squeezed his eyebrows together, trying to figure out how to word his next thought, and he eventually settled by saying, “You’ve been different, recently, but I think in a good way. Happier.”

Nagi blinked at the influx of advice, and Miki laughed at his obvious surprise. “I’m your senpai! I’m here to help you.”

With a slight flush to his face, Nagi thanked him, and Miki ruffled his hair familiarly. Miki finally said, “I’m rooting for the two of you.”

◇-◈-◇

Reo left Japan for a few days because of a business trip, and Nagi thought that the advice Miki had so generously dispensed should only be utilized in person, so he had to restlessly wait for Reo’s return. Thinking of their next conversation turned Nagi’s stomach awfully, but amidst the waiting, he would often think of Reo’s beautiful, clear eyes.

And then he was finally back, and Nagi was at the airport, ready to take his hand as he stepped through the gates. When Reo’s eyes settled upon Nagi, it jolted his heart so much that he lost his words, and that night, upon their reunion, he still couldn’t voice an apology.

So a few days later, they were on a date, headed to a bookstore. They had fallen into a comfortable silence, and Nagi was thinking about the sweet taste of strawberry milk candy and Reo’s fingers. Nagi took his hand out of pocket and reached backwards, saying, “Give me your hand.” But he only clasped empty air. 

At the lack of response, Nagi looked over his shoulder and realized that Reo had fallen away a few meters behind. He was transfixed by a store window, and Nagi almost called out to him, but something in Reo’s posture caught his breath, and instead, he silently walked back to Reo’s side. 

When he was only a few steps away, he caught sight of a single tear glistening on Reo’s cheek, catching light like a precious gem in the sun, and Nagi felt like he had been plunged into an icy bath. But Reo was so mesmerized by whatever caught his gaze that he seemed unaware of his own tears. In front of Reo was a display of 20 television screens, all simultaneously playing the same drama. 

An image of a girl lingered on the screen with the camera zoomed up to her face, and she, too, was crying. The camera then flashed to a man’s face who had been stricken by her emotion, but he was silent. From this distance, Nagi could hear the girl sniffling as she wiped fat tears from her cheek. 

“I should have known better,” she said, her voice wavering with sorrow. “I wish I could ask ‘how could you do this to me?’, but I already know!”

“Tori-chan…” the man replied somewhat stiffly.

“How can I be with you? You’re always looking for the next thing.” And her mouth trembled, making her pink lips look irresistibly sullen. 

Another tear, and “I was never in your eyes, was I?” 

The man stretched out his arm, but she had already spun around, her hair whipping in the cool breeze. The camera turned back to the man whose face was now shadowed with grief, but he didn’t say anything else. 

And Nagi finally pulled Reo’s arm, and Reo snapped out of his immersion in the drama’s scene. He looked at Nagi with clear surprise in his eyes, the remnants of tear tracks still on his face. Nagi gently held his boyfriend’s face in his hands, brushing away the tear with his thumb. 

“Oh,” Reo laughed nervously. “That was weird. I don’t know why I watched that.”

“You’re crying.” 

Reo brought his hand to his cheek and scrunched his eyebrows upon feeling wetness on his fingertips. “I don’t know why. I must have lost track of myself.”

“What are you thinking about?” Nagi asked. 

Reo shook his head. “It’s nothing. Let’s go to the bookstore.” But before Reo could completely brush the conversation away, Nagi grabbed his hand. Again, Reo looked back at Nagi with some surprise. 

“I’m sorry,” Nagi said.

Reo’s eyes, crystalline, the blue-violet of an incoming storm, seemed stunned at the apology. 

“I didn’t apologize before. I’m sorry.” 

Reo shook his head and suddenly looked away, staring at the side of the road. “You don’t need to say anything.”

“I do. I should have said it earlier.” And Nagi rubbed his thumb softly against Reo’s hand. “I should have thought about your feelings more. In Blue Lock, I was… I was thinking about something else. Football. Our future. But I forgot to look at you in the moment.”

“And even after Blue Lock, the same thing happened. I was so caught up in thinking about the future that I couldn’t see that I was hurting you. And—” 

Nagi had been so preoccupied with trying to find the right words that he hadn’t been looking at Reo, but his voice cut off as he realized that Reo’s eyes were shiny with unfallen tears yet again. Partly out of shock, Nagi suddenly squeezed Reo’s hand, and with that action, the dam in Reo’s eyes broke, and his face grew shiny as he wept. 

Nagi stepped close to Reo, and Reo pressed his face into Nagi’s shoulder. Nagi couldn’t tell if his long overdue apology had actually comforted Reo. Perhaps it had only ripped open wounds that Reo was still trying to heal, and this action was just another way that Nagi created wreckage from Reo’s heart. Nagi ran his hand through Reo’s hair and allowed himself to sit with the leadened emotion in his heart. 

Thinking about the drama scene they had just watched, Nagi said, “You’re in my eyes now.”

And Reo replied with a sniffling breath and a tight hug while Nagi rubbed small circles onto his back in his most comforting manner. In a low voice that was almost a whisper, Nagi asked, “Is it okay? If I love you now?”

And Reo nodded into his shoulder.

◇-◈-◇

It was late November, and Nagi was having coffee with someone that he thought he would never see again. Nagi brought over an iced cold brew and an Americano to his companion, and with careful hand, Hanazawa-san took the cold brew, popping the lid open to pour a substantial amount of heavy cream into the drink. The umber liquid clashed against the cream, dripping into each other slowly in a hypnotizing way. Nagi sat back and watched as he sipped his Americano. 

“So? There must have been a reason why you invited me today.” Hanazawa-san’s voice felt crisp against the cold atmosphere outside. She took a sip of the drink, savoring the bitterness mixed with the rich milk.

“You said that you think similarly to Reo.” 

She smiled, but her cold eyes and cherry lipstick made the expression seem menacing. “Have you finally found yourself unsuitable for Reo-kun? Six months isn’t up yet.”

“Not at all,” Nagi said a little too forcefully, and Hanazawa-san lifted a plucked eyebrow, but she didn’t respond. “I really love him. I’m not planning on letting him go.”

She hummed noncommittally, and she went back to stirring her drink. “You do seem more serious about it now. But that still doesn’t answer the question of why I’m here. You must know that I’m a busy person.”

“You said I was unreliable.”

Her eyes flicked up in interest, but she remained quiet.

“What did you mean by that?”

This time, she had no smile, but she also didn’t seem to be baring any fangs. “Aren’t we rivals, Nagi-san?”

“I don’t think so.”

Her gaze was calm and measured against Nagi’s, revealing nothing. “And why would you say that?”

“You tried to protect Reo before. No… you helped me before.” She continued to stare at Nagi, and he said, “Even if you don’t really know Reo, you cared enough about him to let me know how he was feeling. I think you’re a kind person.”

Her expression didn’t change. Softly, Nagi said, “I was hoping you’d help me again.”

Hanazawa-san took a long sip from her drink, and the look in her dark eyes was impenetrable, but she finally gave a small nod that released all the tension in Nagi’s body. 

“When you betrayed Reo-kun, how did you think he felt?”

Immediately, Nagi stiffened again. He hadn’t expected such a serious question right off the bat, but the way Hanazawa-san sat made her appear like an immovable mountain. There was no way for him to evade the question. “Hurt?”

“That’s a given. What else?”

Nagi bit his lip. “Angry? Sad? I mean—”

“All your responses are unimaginative. Of course he was hurt. Of course he was angry and saddened. Think about it some more— you were his best friend. You were the closest person to him; the first person to know his dreams. And then you told him that you didn’t care.”

The air in Nagi’s lungs evaporated.

“Now, compare that to how Reo-kun has made you feel. Did you ever think he didn’t care?”

Nagi couldn’t even look at Hanazawa-san. 

“I can’t say that Reo-kun’s reaction was… reasonable. The way that he chased you through football was borderline obsessive, but he eventually realized that it wouldn’t work. So he left.”

“You’re together now, but how do you think he feels?”

Nagi suddenly couldn’t stomach another sip of his coffee. “When you said I was unreliable—”

“Are you finally getting it?”

Nagi was silent for a long time, and Hanazawa-san stared out the window into the gloomy November weather. Nagi exhaled loudly, and Hanazawa-san turned to him with a subtle smile.

“Do you understand what you need to do, now?”

Nagi nodded, and after a moment, he said, “Thank you.”

“Mm. I’ve been known to help people before.”

◇-◈-◇

Nagi was lounging in Reo’s office, flipping through a business magazine that Reo kept on the coffee table to show his clients and partners (and occasionally, business rivals) that he was well read in the current business world. This specific edition had a small article on Reo, but aside from that, there wasn’t anything of interest in the magazine. Nagi was actually looking through the advertisements.

“Did you talk to Hanazawa-san recently?”

Nagi glanced over at Reo and nodded, but he didn’t say anything more.

For some reason, the thought of the two of them together brought some tightness in Reo’s chest. Obviously, he wasn’t worried about Hanazawa-san stealing Nagi from his hands; in fact, she probably felt something close to disdain towards Nagi. But it was still extremely weird to know that the two of them had met. 

“What did she say?”

Nagi suddenly sat up and crossed the distance in the room so that he was standing across where Reo sat at his desk. “Do you remember when I apologized to you?”

Those words provoked the sudden sensation of an icicle being driven into Reo’s side. How could he forget that moment? Two weeks had passed since that conversation, but Reo could recall it in high definition: the way that drama scene had captivated him when the actress had said, _I was never in your eyes, was I?_ And how that yanked the air from his throat, and he could only think about cold, wintery eyes and hair like snow. 

“I thought we were finished with that conversation,” Reo replied smoothly. But the silence pressed on, and Reo hurried to think of different topics that he could move onto— it’d be better if he dispelled the heavy atmosphere and abandoned this dreadful talk.

“I wanted to understand you. That’s why I talked with Hanazawa-san.”

The confession took Reo by surprise, and he couldn’t help saying, “I’m right here. Why didn’t you just ask me?”

“She told me before that I was unreliable.”

And the crawling sensation of dread tugged at Reo’s guts, and could see disaster impending in this conversation, as sure as a freight train, but he couldn’t step out of its headlights. Reo had always wondered when this conversation would occur, and now that it was happening, he felt submerged. Like words and images were wavering in the haze of murky water, and there was no way to catch his breath.

“I want to know what you think of me, Reo.” The sharp sensation in his stomach grew deeper, as if Nagi himself were the one driving weapon. _Well, hasn’t he? This whole time?_ But Reo didn’t want to cling onto this anger; the sadness was hard enough to deal with. 

_What do I think of Nagi?_ Reo didn’t know what to say: there were a hundred contradictory things concerning Nagi that twisted themselves into a Gordian knot of thoughts: Reo couldn’t just pull out one thread of emotion without it being tangled with another, and all the threads together were an inarticulate mess. How could he possibly explain himself to Nagi?

 _I love you_. Or _I resent you. I’m scared of what you can do to me_. _So much of my hope relies on you. I’m happy to be with you._ _It’s painful to be near you_. All of them were correct, but if he said it aloud, Nagi wouldn’t understand. _I once lost everything because of you_. Or _Losing everything I once had has been worth it because now I’m with you_.

And he thought, _I shouldn’t say anything_ , but the moments of happiness they had accumulated for the past few weeks had come to collect their debt. It seemed with them, there was no happiness without sadness: every action an opposite and equal reaction.

The sincere way that Nagi was looking at him now forced Reo to tell the truth.

“I think of you in past tense.” 

As soon as he said it, he could tell that Nagi felt confused with even that one sentence, and the vice over Reo’s heart constricted even more. Reo wondered if Nagi had ever once been able to understand his feelings. There was a distinct loneliness in having his lover always misunderstand him.

He tried again. “Is there a tomorrow for us, Nagi?” This time, Nagi’s eyes widened imperceptibly, and Reo knew that he was finally starting to understand. 

“I never think about us in a year, or ten years, much less growing old with each other. I see you, and I think of you in high school, or during Blue Lock, or playing on the national team. Or maybe just you from yesterday— but yesterday’s you.” It was just memories slipping through Reo’s fingers like sand. 

“I never see you and imagine what tomorrow will be like with you. Every day, I wake up, and I assume it’s over. I think you won’t be next to me, or I think you’ll never call me again until you do.” Even the current moment was slipping from Reo’s hands just to turn into ashes. Their conversation now would become dust, and then a memory, and then it would disappear, only to be found in the deep recesses of Reo’s mind. Nagi wouldn’t carry this memory like Reo would; Nagi never did. 

Reo said, “Tomorrow doesn’t exist for us.” 

Reo had been staring at Nagi’s hands while speaking, but when he finally looked up at Nagi’s face, his heart jumped. Nagi’s eyes were bright with tears. Reo admonished himself. _Even if you didn’t want to lie, you didn’t have to be so truthful._

Instinctively, Reo got up from his seat and moved towards Nagi. _It’s cruel to say those words to him and then try to comfort him_ , he thought, but he didn’t stop himself from grabbing Nagi tightly, one hand running through Nagi’s hair while the other man buried his face into Reo’s shoulder. His shirt grew wet from Nagi’s tears.

 _I’m just telling the truth_ and _I shouldn’t have said that. He deserves to hear it after hurting me so many times_ and _what can I say to make this better._ The conflicting emotions tore at each other, driving Reo mad, but perhaps it would all end today. Reo had painted a picture of the inevitability of their end and now that it had been said aloud, there was no need to prolong their relationship.

He thought, _I’m relieved_ and _I’m so scared._

Reo traced small circles with his hand on Nagi’s back. Suddenly, Nagi wrapped his arms around Reo and squeezed him, tight enough that Reo worried he would bruise tomorrow. Reo nudged Nagi’s arm with a hand. “It hurts, Nagi.” Nagi loosened his grip, but he didn’t let go. 

“You’re wrong,” he said. Reo’s heart skipped a beat. Nagi continued, “You said that you’d stay with me as long as I wanted.”

And Nagi, in his unreserved, sincere way, said, “That’s forever. I want you to stay with me forever. I never want to let you go.”

The very first time Reo met Nagi, Reo swore that he could see his future in the other boy. That time had long since passed; now, Reo saw nothing but murkiness in whatever part of life Nagi touched. But for a moment, he wondered if the fog would clear like it had so long ago. 

_He’s going to destroy me_ and _he’s already saved me._ Reo pulled apart from Nagi, resting his hands on Nagi’s shoulders. “Even if you say that…” And as Reo looked as Nagi, he could only see Nagi in past tense, in the moment when Nagi had left him to play for Isagi’s team, overlapped with the time Nagi had chosen Chigiri over him, overlapped with the look of anger he had after that impossible goal he scored. 

_Forever? That’s just a pretty word; he’s abandoned you before and he’ll do it again_.

All those images overlapped with the Nagi standing in front of him now, completely earnest and vulnerable, and Reo thought, _I want to believe him_. 

Something panicked screamed in Reo’s brain as the last thought passed over him, and he released his hold on Nagi to whirl around, steadying himself with one hand on his desk. _Fuck,_ _what was that?_ Reo tried to steady his shaky breath. He could vaguely hear Nagi ask what was wrong, but Reo was busy trying to sort this new thought in his head. 

_I want to believe him_.

Another shot of panic.

Nagi had placed a hand onto Reo’s shoulder, trying to check if he was okay, but Reo jumped at the contact, and Nagi withdrew his hand in surprise. It felt like every nerve in his body was ablaze and he briefly thought of escaping through the window just to quench the fire in his body. _I’m scared,_ he thought, but Reo must have said it aloud because Nagi reached out again to grab his shoulder, to try and snap Reo out from the flood of feelings currently drowning him. 

Reo could hear Nagi ask _what’s wrong_ and everything felt like it was moving in slow motion. In cold clarity, he could remember the moment when Nagi pointed to Isagi and said “I want to play football with this guy,” and how it felt like someone had plunged their hand into his chest and wrenched his heart out, and all he could do was stand aside and accept it. Followed by the moment on the field when Reo had made the instinctive pass, and Nagi was flipping in the air, and when he finally landed, the darkest eclipse had passed over his face, and Reo wanted to collapse on the pitch right then, to be completely swallowed into nothingness. Reo thought _he’s going to destroy me. If I trust him again, he’s going to cast me off, and it’ll destroy me._

An uncontrollable tremor shook Reo, and he felt ashamed by how visible his vulnerability was. It was Nagi, of course. Nagi was that thing he was always desperately trying to reach, clawing towards in a shameless state. And even when he had Nagi in his arms, he never _really_ had Nagi. 

Nagi was capricious and willful and _temporary_. He always left, and in the future, he would be gone, too. He would be captured by some petite girl with bright, sparkling eyes and a sugary smile, or maybe it’d be a boy with raven-black hair and electric blue eyes, or maybe he would go to Europe, casting away his past to start a new life in football. It didn’t matter how; _something_ would capture Nagi’s attention, and he would leave. It’d be like that moment when they lost that first time in Blue Lock, when Nagi was finally captivated and when he turned to Reo with eyes that spoke of more than frustration. 

Reo couldn’t live through many more of those moments, so maybe it would be better to forget this whole affair altogether. 

With a stiff voice, trying not to betray his thoughts, he said, “Get out, Nagi. Don’t contact me anymore. We’re done.” 

“What?” Nagi sputtered, and upon seeing Reo’s face, realized his seriousness. “Reo— what are you thinking right now?”

 _God_ , what a question. And he wondered if he answered how Nagi might react. Would he seek to reassure him, just for him several months later to become disinterested in Reo? To chase whatever new thing caught his eye? An overwhelming nausea overtook Reo, and he tried to swallow away the thickness in his throat. 

Reo felt something snap in him. “ _Forever?_ ” echoing what Nagi said just moments ago. “Nagi, you can’t say that!” An overwhelming tide of emotion washed over Reo. Nagi looked back at Reo in shock.

“How do you not understand? I’m hopeless around you! _I never want to let you go?_ How could you say that to me?” Reo’s anger injected venom into his tone, and he could see Nagi flinching at his words, but Reo couldn’t find the composure to calm himself. “If you say that, _of course_ I’m going to believe you! It’s the only thing I’ve _ever_ wanted to hear from you!” And the confession callously wrenched him apart inside out because he never wanted to admit it, least of all to Nagi. Nagi, that inconstant thing. 

Reo would be a fucking _fool_ to try and trust in him, and worst of all, Reo _was_ that fool.

“And then what will happen to me?” Reo continued with a vicious bite in his tone. “Once I lose my guard against you, then what will happen? _You’ll reject me_ , like you’ve always done. It’s not fair. More than once, I did anything I could for you, without reserve, without even trying to protect myself— and you hurt me!”

“The only reason we could be in this relationship was because I was prepared— I was prepared for you to lose interest in me, and for you to reject me, and for you to leave. That made the rest of this alright. It was alright if I eventually got hurt because at least I would be ready! If I wasn’t, I would have never broken up with Hanazawa-san. I would never have even _talked_ to you!” 

The force of Reo’s words made his arms tremble, but it was cathartic, in a way, to finally voice his thoughts in front of Nagi.

There was something horrifying in the way that Nagi’s face had crumpled up, and Reo realized that he couldn’t remember the last time he saw Nagi cry. Nagi wiped away a wayward tear on his face with the back of his hand, and the fire in Reo’s anger extinguished itself. _It’s cruel_ , Reo thought again, _to say this to him_. 

“I’m happy…” Nagi murmured, providing Reo with a new jolt of surprise. “I’m happy that you can finally say what you mean.” It wasn’t true— Nagi looked as far from happy as a person could possibly be, but, as always, he was being sincere. Reo didn’t know how he could reply.

Nagi said, “I’m really sorry,” and Reo’s eyes widened, and his stomach lurched. At once, he thought of clasping his hand over Nagi’s mouth and shoving him out of the room. Whatever Nagi said from now would be too dangerous. Even with those three words, Nagi was stripping away what remained of Reo’s guard— all that was left were fragments of anger that melted away with every moment.

Nagi continued, “Hanazawa-san was right… I’m unreliable. You were always, for me, something I could trust in. Even in the times when we weren’t talking regularly, or when we had fights… afterwards, I knew that I could return to you.” 

“I told you that you felt like a home to me. Like something safe. Something that would always accept me, and I… I’ve been taking advantage of that.”

Nagi’s eyes were shining with tears. “For you… I must have been something painful. Even if you say you were prepared, you still must have been scared. I don’t know what it’s like, to expect me to suddenly leave you one day or to have to constantly guard your heart.”

“I told you I love you, but that wasn’t enough. I should have said something more. I should have said that I want to be in your life forever. That I want you to be in mine.”

“I don’t want to leave you, and I don’t want to end our relationship. You’re precious to me, Reo. I don’t have a right to say this, but I want to be with you.” Nagi swallowed and looked fiercely into Reo’s eyes. “If you ask me to leave, I’ll leave. You deserve that much. But… even if you do… I’ll still love you.”

Nagi approached Reo and grabbed his hand, and Reo’s heart felt like it was exploding in his chest, and every breath felt too short. _A fool, a fool_ , he tried to remind himself. _He’s always been good at traps, but you don’t have to fall into it this time. You know how it ends. You’ve been through it before._

Nagi said, “I want you to be my future,” and Reo couldn’t help but cry at the words he wanted to hear for so long. _I want to believe him_.

 _How could you do this to me?_ Reo thought. _You were supposed to be my best friend. I was supposed to be able to trust you unconditionally. And you broke it!_ His head was spinning from the weight of his thoughts. _How can you shamelessly ask me to stay? After all the times you cut me off—_ and Reo could only feel the warmth of Nagi’s hand in his.

And then, Reo looked at Nagi, and he felt it again, the feeling of certainty. Like the moment they first met and everything felt so clear and sure; when he saw Nagi and knew that his future lied with the other boy. And this time, Nagi was looking into his eyes as if he could understand what Reo was seeing in this moment. As flawless as those passes that Reo once made to Nagi— something that connected perfectly.

Reo took his hand from Nagi’s grasp, and he could immediately see disappointment and anguish on Nagi’s face. But then, Reo reached out and wrapped his arms on top of Nagi’s shoulders, and a flood of relief filled Nagi’s face. 

“I won’t ever forgive you if you’re lying,” Reo said. Nagi nodded a little too forcefully. “And I’m signing us up for couples counseling.” Again, Nagi nodded.

“Forever is a long time,” Reo warned, and Nagi shook his head.

“Not if it’s with you,” Nagi replied. Reo couldn’t help but smile at that, so he leaned in to kiss Nagi.

* * *

**Author’s Note:** Yea, so they definitely need some couples counseling. 

This is the official end to this fic ☆*･゜ﾟ･*\\(^O^)/*･゜ﾟ･*☆. There is a (little) bonus chapter after this one with a (much) longer author’s note, but if you are stopping here, I want to say that I appreciate you sticking around long enough to read this story in its entirety. I hope you enjoyed it!


	10. Bonus

The off-season period during winter became their time of solace. Reo would schedule a week-long holiday (although he could never completely tear his eyes away from his work email), and they would mostly stay in their cozy apartment, warm in each other's company and arms.

Today, though, they were out seeing Christmas lights in Roppongi. The night wind was brisk, but the cold somehow lent a clarity to the air that made the lights shine brighter. Reo found himself admiring the scenery, but his eyes were continuously drawn back to Nagi’s figure— the way the blue lights colored Nagi’s hair and reflected off his eyes.

They found themselves in a small pocket in the area, surrounded by trees laced with lights. It was empty and quiet. Nagi suddenly stopped walking, and Reo turned back. 

“What is it?” he asked.

“Give me your hand.”

Nagi had been practicing Reo’s habit for the past few months, dropping pieces of candy, crumpled paper trash, and other assorted objects into his hand. Obediently, Reo extended his hand, and he felt Nagi’s warm palm pressed against his own. Nagi closed Reo’s palm but held the hand still so that Reo couldn’t open it. He gave Reo a meaningful look. 

“I love you.”

“I love you, too,” Reo responded easily, the words familiar in his mouth. He pulled his hand back, and when his fingers uncurled to reveal the object inside, his heart dropped to his feet.

Resting in his palm was a silver ring.

Nagi had sunk to one knee, and the cool lights were shimmering in his eyes, and his lips were curled in a satisfied, gentle smile upon seeing the surprise on Reo’s face. “I love you, and I never want to let you go. I want you to be my future. Reo, will you marry me?” 

And Reo was so gripped with emotion that he momentarily forgot how to speak, but his smile — bright and warm enough to threaten melting the snow around Nagi— clearly conveyed his answer.

◇-◈-◇

Later:

“You’re getting married to Reo?!”

Nagi’s ear rang painfully after Chigiri’s scream pierced the receiver.

“Why are you so surprised?”

“Are you fucking _kidding_ me??? Last time we spoke, I thought you were going to break his heart!!”

Nagi didn’t dare mention that he _did_ break Reo’s heart— there was no need to incriminate himself.

“Damn. Well, good for you. Glad that sorted itself out. Remember to invite me to the wedding. By the way, Kunigami and I are dating, so you’ll probably see him then.”

“...”

Chigiri was now probably enjoying the karma of hearing Nagi shocked into silence.

◇-◈-◇

Even Later:

“You’re getting married to Reo-kun?!”

Once again, Nagi regretted putting the receiver so close to his ear, and the pounding from Chigiri’s call only intensified. Nagi’s mother wailed into the phone, a sound akin to a beached, dying… whale. 

“Is it really that bad?”

“You ungrateful child!! How could you burden Reo-kun like this? Ah, I was so looking forward to being at his wedding and seeing him marry a proper member of society! Why??? You’ve ruined my second son!”

“I’m your _actual_ son!”

More faintly, Nagi heard, “Don’t listen to your mother, Seishiro. We’re very proud of you!”

“Don’t listen to your father! He’s only saying that because you managed to marry up. Seishiro, I swear to all your ancestors that if you ruin Reo and break his heart, I will end you. I put you into this world, and I will not hesitate to take you out.”

Once again, Nagi didn’t dare mention that time he _did_ break Reo’s heart.

◇-◈-◇

Even Later:

After hearing how Chigiri and Nagi’s mother reacted to the news, Reo was trying desperately hard not to collapse into a ball of laughter, mostly because Nagi was sporting a swollen cheek, and Reo was gingerly holding an ice pack to it. Nagi sullenly stared at the ceiling. 

“Wait, so how did the team react to the news?”

“Everyone was congratulatory.”

Reo raised an eyebrow, and Nagi sighed.

“Miki screamed. And then he shouted, _I fucking knew it!_ And then he punched me in the face.”

And Reo finally fell out of his chair, heaving with so much laughter that his ribs ached while Nagi continued to stare at the ceiling. 

◇-◈-◇

And Even Later:

Wrapped into each other’s arms, sleepy but not quite asleep because they wanted to be present with each other for just a little bit longer, Nagi pressed his mouth in the crook between Reo’s shoulder and neck.

“Let’s be each others’ tomorrow,” Nagi murmured.

And Reo hummed in agreement before drifting off to slumber, knowing that he’d wake with Nagi in his arms. 

* * *

**Author’s (Final) Note:** A couple of chapter specific things: I ended the fic with a Reo scene bc I thought it was only appropriate to give him some time after Nagi took over most of this fic (tho to be fair, I did write [a Reo-POV fic that was just him and his angsty thoughts](https://archiveofourown.org/works/27606157)). Smut was never really the focus of this fic, but I’m sorry if you were thirsting for more in these latter chapters. And I hope you enjoyed the fluff in the bonus. Did I write Reo’s habit of shoving things into Nagi’s hand solely for this proposal scene? (Yes). I know that this fic is mainly not humorous (which makes me sad! Maybe I’ll try for a lighter tone in another), but I hope that the bonus brought some happiness after all the emotional turmoil.

So this fic is novel-length, and I learned a lot about writing it. Now that I’ve finished, I’m dissatisfied in some ways (especially the weird plot pacing…), but I also think it was a good effort. I learned a lot about football while writing this, too! There is one more story that I want to tell with this pair (that I’m in the middle of writing!), but it will likely be long and weird, so don’t anticipate it too much.

A special thanks to Katcchan who has been commenting every update— your words and encouragement truly made me so happy. Without them, I probably wouldn’t have posted this whole fic! Really, I'm so grateful that you were invested in my story. For anyone else who commented or gave kudos to this story, thank you. And to any future readers, I would love to hear your thoughts if you made it all the way through this story.

Finally, I think that this will be the first “long(ish) fic” on AO3 for Blue Lock. It’s not an exaggeration to say that I check the Blue Lock AO3 every day because I love the stories that come from these characters so much. I personally think that Blue Lock will become very popular in the coming years, and so I hope that I’ve set a good precedent for taking characters we love and creating rich stories from them. I anticipate reading many good stories in this fandom in the future. I learned a lot from writing this, and I sincerely hope that you enjoyed it!!

( ´ ▽ ` ).｡ｏ♡


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